So here is the deal. I love my roommate. She is a good sister but there is some things that are starting to get on my nerves...I need some advice on how to communicate it to her without poisoning our relationship. I feel like she just kind of over steps the boundries with me. She is always borrowing my stuff and never returning it, and always wearing it. It is kind of annoying. Now she is wearing the same exact oil blends that I wear. Asking to wear my jewelry. Going in my room when I am not there. When she first moved she ripped a VERY expensive rare vintage dress of mine because she decided to try it on to look good for a boy that was coming to town a month from then! The rip is not on the seam either. I dont mind sharing here and there, but this has kind of become a daily issue. I NEVER ask to borrow her stuff, and if I do I return it the same or next day. I kind of pride my style of clothing, jewelry smell, etc. It is like my signature of my creativity and expression. I feel like she is eating it all up. I know copying someone is the best form of flattery but come on! Maybe this thread is stupid, and Im on my period. But it just irks my nerves a bit.
get a lock for your room, lock it whenever you aren't in there and especially when you aren't in the house. And let her know you aren't cool with her borrowing things without asking.
yeah get a lock. The one thing that bothers me about my roomies is when they eat my food. I'm very picky when it comes to food and I don't eat meat, so when they eat my food, then I'm fucked until i go shopping again. I lost like 6 tubes of paint at my house recently. oh well. just explain to her that you need to know where all your things are at at all times and that she needs to ask you before using any of your things. I'm VERY ocd, so my roommates understand when I tell them I need to know the whereabouts of my things at all times. Good luck!
Communication is the key... it's obvious that you guys never set the boundaries when you moved in. You girls obviously need to have a chat before your relationship suffers.
I know it may be bad to blame it on yourself when really it's HER that's the problem, bt if you decide to talk to her about it just keep it light, don't do one of those sit-down-we-need-to-talk things. Say something like "Kay, listen; it's really really sweet that you like my stuff enough to want to borrow it sometimes, but it's just that...I'm sort of OCD. Like, I try not to get too bossy or out there or anything, but I just really need you to make sure you ask before you borrow anything." I use the OCD excuse allll the time because my roommate doesn't like to do her dishes, leave cooking mess all over the place, etc and it works awesome! And Bumble: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! When I lived at home I hid *all* my food that didn't need a fridge in my bedroom from my brother, and even now I hide my treats and expensive food from my roommate. I am *so* obsessive about my food and it kills me when all of it gets eaten by someone who's not me! And definitely get a lock for your room. No question about it.
Like previously mentioned, communication is necessary. You could put a lock on your door, but that could be for a pretty hostile environment. I would sit down and have a little heart to heart with her and tell her how you told us how you feel. She may take some offense, but I just can't possibly think of a better solution to actually solve the problem w/o creating a larger one.
yeah put a lock on your room that would solve it all and than explain to her why you need to put a lock on your room
Communication...you may want to sit down and talk to her in a friendly way to discuss the problem, but make sure that you tell her that you value the friendship, that she is a "good sister" (quoting you!), or whatever feels appropriate. IMHO, putting a lock on the door might be a little extreme at first, and might create some hostility (but only you can know for sure), but talking to her in a friendly, sisterly way may be a good place to start. Good luck, whatever you decide to do!
When talking with her, avoid using the word "you". "You always take my stuff" will put her on the defensive. "I don't like it when my stuff is taken without my knowledge" is much more likely to be listened to. Try to phrase things away from "You're faults are ...." and towards "My needs are ...." Don't apoligise for needing to feel secure in your own home. Even though you are renting, it is your home and your desire for security in your home is valid.
Dude I can't believe you've been putting up with this! You definitely need to TELL her not to borrow your clothes. They're YOUR clothes, she's not being very respectful of you or your things. She is walking all over you and you need to stand up for yourself and your lovely clothes. I suppose it would be better to tell her gently rather than lashing out on her, but be stern, stand up for yourself, she has no right to borrow your things if you don't consent.
I'd talk to her first... if she doesn't listen and still takes your stuff without asking I'd talk to her again as your putting the lock on your door. I had a roommate once, my husband and I moved in with him as a way for all of us to save money....not a great idea. Things went sour, we had to put a lock on our door first b/c the roommate walked into our room while I was changing, that was more of a chain lock so that if we were in there roommate couldn't just walk in on us. Second lock we put on our door was a padlock for the outside b/c roommate broke our computer (intentionally) and *Eeeew!* had sex with his girlfriend on our bed! Before he broke our computer he had set up his computer so that he could see everything on ours and even do things to ours. Point is, what your going through sucks and I can understand that fully, you need to really talk about this with her before it escellates to something more. It doesn't have to be a serious sit down talk like sunburst said, just an "FYI please don't take my things without asking" save a serious talk for if she doesn't listen the first time you ask her nicely. Good luck!
