I have trouble going places in general, I don't go to bars or like to go to anyplace crowded, even if there are going to be a lot of my friends there. I have a hard time going out to my car, especially at night. I feel like something/someone is going to get me and I jump in my car, my heart racing and I lock the door really quick... but then sometimes I get this feeling like someone is in the back seat, sometimes its too intense and I don't look, thinking if someone is there they'll just kill me anyway, other times I muster up the courage to look in the back seat, but then I think someone is outside my car window so I just throw it in reverse and head on my way....about the same situation when I come home, I run down the stairs and can't seem to get my key in the door fast enough, slam it behind me and lock it, trying not to look out the windows on the door b/c if something/someone is there I don't want to see them...I've started looking into jobs that you can do from home. My one friend said it might not be a good idea b/c then I'd never leave my house, she doesn't know all the other stuff, but shes right, I probably wouldn't go anywhere. I have only been to work one day this week, and I probably won't go tomorrow either, I think it's a little because of this. Anyone else have something similar or know if agoraphobia is what might be happening here?
Yes, whats happening here is that you are doing something akin to reducing your circle inwards. The terrible little twist of 'Agoraphobia' is that the more you accomodate it the more powerful it becomes.. the more you withdraw.. the more power it has... so it becomes a 'downward spiral'. Now here is the funniest thing that will seem entirely 'counter intuitive' but yet it works with supreme effectiveness: - To whatever degree you feel the feel the 'sensation' or 'impulse' to withdraw your perimeter you must deliberately expand it outward (and even a smidge more). Example: Lets say you are about to go get some milk at night and your 'impulse' tells you to drive to the nearest shop and then directly back home. Ok. Your response is to deliberately drive to the second furthest shop for milk and even further more... deliberately take the longer route home. Obviously none of this is talking about actual safety concerns meaning if the second shop is in a dangerous neighbourhood then dont necessarily go there if its for a real and not perceived threat. If that was the case of the second shop... I would then say make a point to drive to a third shop instead. In other words, the point here is that any 'feeling' or 'sensation' or 'impulse' to introvert is countered with a deliberate and compensating 'extrovert' mission. Agoraphobia is not really a unique sort of 'affliction' in itself but is rather more along the lines of having acute anxiety and panic attacks to the extent that you begin to fear having them to the point of staying inside and avoiding any stressors that might cause them. A sort of 'fear of the fear' response. The more you accomodate it the worse it will get. Vice versa, The less you accomodate it - the more it will vanish.
I went through some terrible times in my 20s....I can remember at 24 I had to move back in with my parents as I was scared to go anywhere...panic attacks, hot sweats and fear like you would never know... Now I am in my 40s and guess what I am the mosts confident of women going...i sing in front of others, can go anywhere on my own and feel safe... For me confidence has come with age.... Am sure it will for you guys too.... love
I have problems with people, I often try to avoid people as much as possible. I can't talk to people well, I need to find the worth in talking to people. If I were to talk to people, where do I stop? Do I talk to everyone? Do I only talk when I feel the impulse to? Do I say what I truly want, or do I hold back? hm Well, most of what matters is your body language, that's what people absorb. I guess I can't walk up to every girl looking for sex, so I keep thinking ... Where do I draw the line? Because I think, you know, there's a pretty girl with some nice looking attire, can't I try to have sex with her? Is that something I should pursue? hm It's too much to think about. I need to get myself together. You say in your head hm "I would like to have sexual relations with that girl." but .. I am overly-anxious, and it's just like a wall I can't get past. Damn hormones. I need to start doing/saying more of what I WANT, and less THINKING about it, right? I have been trying to do and say what I want lately, base my actions on impulse, rather than plans.
That makes sense. So, maybe try not getting a work from home job and try to actually get out more. I've had anxiety/panic attacks for a long time, so I guess it'd be safe to assume that without seeking help it'll just get worse progressing to this agoraphobia. Thank you all for your advise/insights.
MLO... Had a lady who lived across the street from us when I was in grade 1. Her and her husband are dead now, so I feel OK using their real names. Kitty Bernard and her husband Pete. Kitty was a real nice lady,she had a nice home and it always smelled like homemade soup. My mom and I would go and visit. Never thought about it, she never crossed the street to our house. In fact she never went as far as the sidewalk in front of her house. We moved and I grew up. 25 years passed without seeing them. I was back visiting old friends and family when I saw Pete out in the yard. A little history on Pete. Pete was the "key grip" on the "Lucy" shows from the Desi-Lu Studios until he retired. Very social, out going, hell of a guy, etc..... We started talking and asked about Kitty, he said she was in the house and would love to see me. Pete took me into the house and down a hallway to a door,which he knocked on, we went in to see Kitty. She was living in , I guess you could call it a small studio apt., one room with a bathroom and a small kitchen area. The windows were painted over with black paint, with nothing of the outside world coming in, except a TV. After my visit with Kitty, Pete and I went back in the house, sat down and had a drink, good whiskey. I asked Pete how long this has been going on ? He told my " before you were born". Now she hasn't been out of that room for over eight years. I know this is an extreme case, but think about it. Do something now.......
