Categorising the Stoner Species.

So I'm thinking its kinda like Barbie, you know?
There's astronaut barbie and vet barbie and marriage barbie and princess barbie and peanut barbie and lick my ass barbie and every flavour of barbie under the sun, right?

Different genres of barbie...
Do you see where I'm going with this yet?

I think there are different genres of stoner and everyone is predominantly one with shadows of others influencing them...

The Stoner Species and its Categories:

There's the "On WEEEEEEED" stoner who tells you everything is better when you're "ON WEED, MAN".
Like "Have you ever watched The Flintstones? Yeah? Have you ever watched the Flintstones ON WEED????????" Funny and has some damn good ideas for Things To Do When High(tm) but can be annoying cos YES, WE GET IT. WEED MAKES THINGS COOL.

There's McGuyver Stoner who can find weed at a moments notice and make a pipe out of any objects you give them. Doesn't talk too much but is helpful to know/be/have as a friend/own.

There's Espionage Stoner who sees every adventure with weed as being part of The Fight Against The Man and a secret mission. This stoner hides their stash in random places, is constantly on the look out for other spies looking to turn him in (ie the police) or Komrads who feel the same (ie other stoners).

There's Pete's Couch Stoner: This is what everyone sober imagines when they think of a stoner, boring conversation, blah, total couch lock, no ambition... but damn do they have good weed. Are good for comic effect and everyone has couch lock every now and again.

There's Paranoid Stoner - always on the lookout for cops, parents, fellow students, smell, teachers, anyone who might be even breathing in their direction. They're "freaking out, man!" and can bring you down. On the other hand, Paranoid Stoner can be helpful in a dodgy place where you need to be on your guard.

"FUCK I'm HIGH!" Stoner: Can't seem to stop talking about it when high - a dangerous liability. However, when not in a dodgy spot, can turn very philosophical about the effects of THC on the brain. Often found in conjunction with Philosophy Stoner.

Philosophy Stoner : Always has a deep and meaningful conversation when high. Can sometimes blow your mind in the most fantastic way. Can sometimes make you want to gouge an eye out because of boredom. Often reads things like Catch 22 and Catcher in the Rye. Also possibly Nietzsche. Often a nihilist and/or dresses in black.

Unexpected Stoner: This can be anyone and is more a label affixed on others by you. Unexpected Stoner is anyone who you totally wouldn't think would smoke pot whether because of their job (Teacher, police, lawyer, DARE spokesperson), their major activities and social status at school (nerd, jock, basically anyone but the 'stoner kids') or it just seems weird (Parents, grandparents, goody two shoes kid down the road).

There are many more Stoner Categories out there. If you've come across any, do post them here.

Which stoner would you say you are? One of these categories or one of your own? Which mixes best describe you.

 

"the medical stoner"

 

I'm McGuyve Stoner mostly, with a hint of Paranoid Stoner and Unexpected Stoner. Well, I was unexpected. Then I got long hair, and now I'm pigeonholed. Oh well. But I can make something to smoke from from a piece of straw and a turd if I have to. That'd give it some bad taste, huh? Anyway, good list. I can't think of anything. Other than maybe Karma Stoner: Always willing to share some of their stash, or help a bro out when they're too low on cash to buy their own. He knows it'll all come around later on.

Kyle

 

i think i'm a "i will clean everything and do a damn good job" stoner.. when i get high i absolutely LOOOOOOVE to clean house!

 

Man... a person who cleans when they are high... a tad too good to be true

Ehh.... wanna move to Florida? I can guarantee to mess the house up everyday, and my Mexican co-workers can sell us shwag off the ass

 

hahaha! sounds good. as long as you have some good tunes and a sturdy broom.. i'm down!
by the by, you're not in arkansas anymore?

 

I'm a mix between the "Pete's Couch Stoner" and the "Philosophy Stoner". I sit on the fuckin couch and philosophosize.

 

Nope... taking a break from life and working my ass off here in the middle of nowhere in Florida, doing the who solitude thing 30 years before everyone else Felt like I needed to escape from myself.

Might go back to Arkansas if they let me, if not... then it's to Israel and into the wonderful institution of the Israeli army for my skinny ass, yet hopefully that will not be the case.

Anyhow, I have both a broom and tunes, yes yes.

 

great great!
by the way, i really like your sig pic! where was it taken?

 

Thank ya It was taken in Wooly Hollow State Park in the Arkansas.

 

sweet! never been there. ya ever been to richland creek campground? it's off of highway 23 near cass, arkansas.. sweet place! 10 miles from any paved road.

 

No ma'am. Is it pretty?

I did pass out under the bridge in Little Rock once though.

 

I don't quite understand how you connected nihilism with philosophy...

 

i'm a philosophy stoner. as indicated in my SN. But I generally don't wear black and I'm far from a nihilist.

 

it's beautiful! i really love it. the creek has some great swimming holes!
haha i've really never hung out in little rock much. how is it?

 

Little Rock has lots of cool hip kids in it... nice bars too... not too impressive though. The clubs are dull, and so on. Lots of artsy-fartsy pseudo types there, too many. I stick to the down to earth Conway people... damn hippies, yes yes.

 

god dude, that is the funniest sig i have ever seen

i would have to say that i am the karma stoner, i see myself as being pretty generous with weed, cause i know that everyone just wants to get high deep down inside.

 

70%Petes Couch Stoner 20%Mcguyver Stoner 10%Paranoid Stoner


And im fuckin proud too.

 

BTW, Great post Taylor.

 

I love posting when high. I come up with the best shit, man.