(i'm just spilling my mind here, sorry if it all comes incoherent and weird, if you have advice it's much appreciated) I'm 21 and I've never really had a GF. Female friends, I've had many. But nothing more than that. I'm in college and the opposite sex is all around and I don't take advantage of it To be honest, I'm fine with being single. I'm a loner that has no problem experiencing life solo. Due to that mentality probably be alone for a loooong time. Another problem, while I can approach a girl on a friendly basis I don't know how to go to the next step with someone I'm interested in. I have no idea what to say to. I'm in a class full of guys and when get out on break I watch them smoothly approach females and start engaging conversations that the girl (from what I see) is genuinely interested in. These guys are like snakes. Every time we're outside of class they're pulling that move. Sometimes I here the conversation and I'm like, "God that is not me. I can't do". I'm too stiff, rigid, and serious to genuinely say the crap guys say to make girls interested. As I said I'm a loner, an observer, I grew up in a household with all females (they ripped my soul out, I swear) and I've learned how to read them really well, too well. Most guys just approach a female unconscious of how ridiculous or lame they're being (which is good, that's how they net them). Me, I'm too aware. I can't bring myself low enough to say dumb shit just to get her interested. Now that I think about it's weird. I think of all the intelligent, serious, yet warm ladies I flirt with (my type) and I'm able to loosen up and be a fool. Unfortunately the average female is so jaded and rigid that I can't be myself around them. I just realized I accused them of being what I am. Oh well. Anyway, bumping into an attractive girl that's my type is extremely rare, so I have to go for the average. When I'm interested I might have enough charisma to get her talking and engaged, then I run out, and I turn fake (which they can detect). When I try to be myself I make a fool out of myself because I'm not being sincere. //ran out enough material to keep thinking about it.
Be like me, say NO to female friends! Seriously, go to some local chatrooms with some pictures of yourself, message every female, and try to get something going. You'll get it It's easier if you start online rather than offline, alot easier, trust me. I have some anxietyproblems, so I know.
Sounds like you have a confidence problem. Spend less time worrying about what they may or may not think, and just act on what you want, and make bold confident moves. As soon as you can get over the fear of rejection the better off you will be. It can be as simple as asking for a number after a short casual conversation. What you may be seeing these other guys do, its not what they say(which in reality may be something really stupid) but the way they come off saying it. I used to have a problem with confidence when dealing with the opposite sex, but I got over it. Practice makes perfect too, don't be afraid to stumble over yourself, because the more you do it, the more confient you will be. What I would suggest, is if you have a lot of anxiety with approaching, set a daily goal for yourself to approach and introduce yourself to a new girl each day. At first it may seem awkward and weird, but you will be surprized how easy it will come to you after a few times. During the college years, I probably did the most hooking up at parties, a couple drinks and the conversation and confidence flows a lot more freely.
Pay attention to the universe. It will pay attention to you. Women are really tricky. And it's good your not like all those other guys hitting on girls. Sometimes you'll find the most amazing girl, and what attracts her to you is that your not hitting on her like EVERY OTHER GUY. You will find an amazing woman when you least expect it. She will rock your world and you will be better because of it. Though I warn you. The pain you feel after a relationship that is good and goes down to your soul will hurt one billion times more than being lonely ever did.
If you FEEL you are destined to be alone you WILL be alone. It's just a self fulfilling prophecy. Go into things with a better attitude, do something to increase your confidence and you will do fine. to anxious for what crud? EVERYTHING? Anxious, by who's standards? your own? another self fulfilling prophecy? Usually, things like this are created in your own mind and eventually, you live it if you repeat it to yourself enough... Think of a situation where you are not anxious and slowly branch out from that type of situation by introducing yourself into subtly different situations, that are maybe a little more socially challenging each time. So yah, again, anxious according to whom? Things like that aren't something you want to convince yourself you have, because usually there is a label attached to what you are prescribed with in this society, if you say you have anxiety problems, most people will just accept that and judge. and that label is hard to escape in this society, sometimes lasting a lifetime. I think it is quite unfair in fact.
You're right, but I really do have some real bad social phobia. I was alright when I was high, maybe a bit immature though. I think girls are too materislistic these days to like me, I'm just a Proletarian.
I agree, most girls are to damn materialistic. Hmm, maybe its just USA girls that aren't ment for you? I had no luck with my fellow american girls, but french girls are amazing..not being biased or anything , haha.
Its true that girls judge you in the first five minutes of talking to you (as does everybody else), but you need to just talk. Don't even look at it as hitting on the girl, just getting to know them. Sure, everybody has a level of social retardation, you need to branch out and just meet girls at your college. Network. If you said that you don't have a problem being friends with girls, then it should be easy for you to transform your approach into one that ends up with them being attracted to you. I know that you feel that there is no girl out there for you, and all that kind of stuff, but when I met my present girlfriend (of almost nine months), I was actually pursuing her friend! She ended up not being interested even after a few dates, and I thought nothing of it afterwards. We started talking a lot more, and we had a weird connection, as we communicated over the summer and then one night, it just happened. Thats it. Just try and keep an optimistic attitude and don't over analyze shit. And no offense crudeware, I think chatrooms are a pretty bad idea. They're impersonal. Good luck buddy.
Chatrooms are a bad idea? Worked for me. I never had a gf I didn't meet online first err besides one, but it was a one day thing.
