Been married almost 10 years and this past 2 months she just is not interested in sex. She is 28 and 8 months ago we started over because of an affair she had been having. The affair lasted 2 months and The guy ended up quiting his job. She told him the day I caught her talking to him that it was over and she never wanted to see or talk to him again. He called back once and she yelled at him to make it clear it was over. She said she just got swept up into it and hated what she did. Things went from almost a seperation to 6 of the most amazing months of our marriage. I have changed so much from the avarage man and how they view thier SO to reading many books about relationships and needs of a women and spending many many hours researching things online. We talk about everything and are so open with each other. Our marriage Is going great and then she has just lost sexual interest completely. We have always been open in the bedroom and have lots of toys and do just about everything two people can do for each other. I thought maybe I was too wild for her but when I asked her she explained she was just as worried as I was because She felt the desire to have sex was just not there anymore. All other aspects of our marriage is still amazing. We were having sex atleast 2-3 times a week and now nothing seems to work. We are both starting to become frustrated and its making things very awkward. I told here I needed it last week and she gave in and it felt so weird, like there was just nothing there. Our sex life throughout our entire marrage has always been amazing. We even climax together %90+ of the time. Have any of you had anything like this happen to you? If so is there a medication or way to help get us through this? Thanks in advanced for any help!
There is no "magic" cure and the majority of couples go through dry spells. A couple things you said caught my attention the first being "I needed it last week and she gave in" ummm...try masturbating because there is less guilt involved. If she is having "issues" and you are still pushing sex (even politely) it is not going to go well. Imagine for a moment if one day you woke up and your dick would not get hard no matter what you did. How would that make you feel? Well, that is what she is going through essentially, and like most people she is going through the "is it me, is it him, is there something wrong" phase. It is crushing to the ego if you libido goes on hiatus, no matter what the reason. You have several options here; you could back off of sex for a while and see if things pick back up, she can go get her hormone levels checked, you could attend counseling together, or try going back to the basics with sex. She may not know why she feels this way, and asking her about it all the time will just exacerbate the problem further. You said you have a wonderful relationship, well then focus on that. The sex part should be icing on the cake, not the cmain focus. With all that said.....good luck....I wish you and your wife the best.
And why do you care so much for sex? She is your wife, god, you are rady to give her some pils so you can fuck her!? Maby she is having bad time for something, relax, focus on the other things in you mariage
Thanks For the reply It makes perfect sense its just the place we are at right now makes it seem so much more important to me. Its not that I am ready to give her pills so I can fuck her! Its that our marriage has always been great and after the affair my self worth has been crushed! Its so hard for me not to think she is wishing she was with him and thats why she doesnt want to have sex. As many times as I tell myself its not that, its always in the back of my head. I know! just get over it but its not that simple. If I was a bad husband and was abusive, drank alot, or was unfaithfull or unsupportive I could reason with that but I was a great husband and amazing father to our 3 kids. She has told me this over and over again that its not anything I did but it only takes one bad day and I start to second guess if I am the one she wants to be with. This is why I needed it. NOT sex but for her to want me, to show me I am the man of her life. I just don't trust words anymore. The more she rejected me the further I felt from her and started to hate her for talking me into working through this only to make me feel like I was the one she stayed with because it was easier and we had kids together. When I talk to her about this she gets upset and acts like I am doing this to throw it back in her face and make her feel guilty! She assures me everything is great but she just is not in the mood lately(almost 2 months). She can tell how stressed and depressed I am about this and she is worried just like me that this may push us apart and its a bad time for that to happen. I noticed last week she was looking at a website called decreasedsexualdasire and I checked it out and it was experimental drugs! That is why I came here and posted to see if there was anything else we could try before she tried this.
His Eden has it bang on. People know that if a man is having desire problems that it can be devastating to the ego yet they don't expect it to be such a big impact on women. Back off the sex pressure. Pet her, cuddle her, make her feel good with zero expectation of sex. I've gone through this from her side and after awhile it used to just piss me off, telling him over and over again that it wasn't him. (And it absolutely wasn't him) But ego's get in the way and the "is it me, is it him" kicks in and just creates more confusion. The problem with poor sex drive is that it is a symptom of so many things. A general depression, a certain medication, possibly something medical, or even a guilt issue from the affair manifesting in a certain way. The fact that she can see how badly you feel about all of this makes her feel bad and then she's probably interpreting that as a pressure as well. The blame game and making you feel guilty comes from frustration as she tries to find the heart of the problem. There's a big vicious cycle to get caught in here so please be wary and above all patient and kind and ease up on sexual expectations.
Thanks so much for the advice again! I guess I will just have to believe in us and trust her through this and keep praying we can make it. I will try to focus more on talking, listening and time with our kids. Thanks again!
Instead of trying drugs check out http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/lowsexdrive/LSW_whatis.html It might help both of you understand what is going on, and that is completely normal.
Stop worrying (I know, easier said than done) because it won't do either of you any good. Things will work out or they won't, but if you or she is constantly stressing over this you are pushing the scales towards not working out. Does that make sense? Try to have fun, and remember how wonderful a relationship can be even without the sex.
