My Fiance is freaking me out with his comments and fits of rage!!

OK I have known my boyfriend as an aquantince for about 3 years(we both were with other people). We hooked up about 5 months ago...of course the first 2 months were bliss...then , utter chaos almost instantly. I discovered he has a horrible temper....something I have never witnessed with other boyfriends. I mean he gets soooo angry about things that are so minor and out of his control...while I am sitting there calm as can be, he looks like he is going to literally explode. He has slammed doors ripped the bed sheets off me, got in my face and yelled at me, due to his anger he has punched holes in walls and broke hinges off doors, if we aregue and we are in the car he drives like a maniac. He proposed to me then a week later tried to break up with me cuz he says his anger is scaring him....and he was afraid it could get worse...meaning more pyshical. I was shocked...He was no longer the guy I fell in love with but almost a complete stranger who is really scary at times. I don't know what to do....last nite we were arguing...he was taking out his anger on me cuz of something else that pissed him off. We were laying on the bed and he was talking but i wasnt looking at him he told me to turn around before he hurts me. I said "What did you just say?"...and he repeated himself and explained he was going to grab my arm with force to turn me around if I didnt.

It was as if in that moment he betrayed me. Its like when he gets angry he turns into this monster that isnt the guy I love. But when he isnt angry he is soooo happy and carefree...like he has an alter ego. Like a dr. jekkyl, mr. hyde thing. I guess you always have this thought that the person you love wouldnt hurt you...and until its too late you do nothing. Well I am engaged to this man....and thats sorta a problem. I can honestly say its like he has 2 personalities and I am very afraid of one of them. I dont know if he has mental problems or what, but he definitly needs help. Any advice would be very much appreciated. thanks.

 

Wow. Sounds familiar. I would highly recommend this site for very thorough support, even if your fiance doesn't "fit the bill". www.bpdcentral.com

Good luck...

 

Wow thats really crazy cuz it sounds like he has pretty much all of the symptoms of a Borderline Personality Disorder. Just after I made the first post he called me from work and was soooo sweet and lovey dovey it almost makes me sick...cuz just last nite he was threatening me with physical force and acting out of anger which seemed to be irrational and for no reason. Then he acts like nothing is wrong and sometimes that can be in a matter in minutes rather than hours. When he is not extremely angry (in a rage, driving recklessly, punch objects, pulling his own hair to cause himself pain...forgot that one in the original post) he is extremely happy( changes his voice to a sweet loving one and has excitement in his voice, He will have ideal almost unrealistic ideas and goals that he is so sure about, he is so happy that he can be described as giddy) Its like there is no in between, no gray area with him...hes either really angey or really happy and nothing else. Its driving me insane cuz I do have choices and I either stay with him and deal with it or leave him.

 

As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, please get away from him. He has threatened you with violence, he will hurt you. I had a boyfriend who would do all those things....and also hit me, kick me, throw me against the wall, spit on me, etc...please, please get away before it comes to that.

 

i agree with sugrmag... id suggest u leave when u still have the courage... i kno it sucks to think theres no solution, but i was in the situation myself, and the man u're with is sick, and i dont mean that in a derogatory fashion, i mean he needs help, and u cant give it to him right now. maybe try to tell him gently (when hes dr jekyll, not mr hyde, obviously) that he needs to see someone like a shrink... this could very well be the bpd yea... and if u're not a professional, dont try to cure him, cuz u cant, and he will hurt u before u get anywhere

 

Sounds like u shouldnt marry the guy..

peace
chickens

 

there r plenty of guys in the world. u don't have to commit yourself to the first one that proposes to ya. especially wen he is putting you in harms way. ditxh him. you'll have no problem finding someone new. just have confidence. and break up with him in a public place.

 

My last boyfriend was an angry guy...and it all stemmed from childhood issues. So I guess what I'm saying is, don't ever think it's your fault. Sure you may have pushed an issue too hard or something, but a guy that has to tell you to turn away so he wont hit you?! Sweetie, sooner or later he will hit you. You need to get away from him very soon...tell him you need some time to think, and do let him know that his temper worries you. Maybe he can get some proffesional help...and if he's a fairly open guy, perhaps you could even talk to him about where such anger comes from. But don't push him to talk. Guys definately don't dig that. Be very very careful. And I would reccomend a long engagement before you really "do the deed".
Take care hon.
PeaceLoveSunshine,
Joanna

 

Get him help or leave him... you don't want to get married and then turn into a battered wife.