Addiction the pipe lies on the counter the mirror on the floor smoke filled memories of the night before he said he'd stop get some help but he just sits watching it melt he speaks in tongues riddles and rhymes he does it all all the time pound by pound slips away his weight dwindling his face all gray he can't say sorry or make up for lies so he just smokes before he dies
This is painful stuff to watch go down, and the emotions are loud in your work. Typically I don't go for strictly metered rhymes too often; but this one had a pretty good flow to it and didn't feel too forced to me. I do think you could relax the structure just a little tiny bit... this is what I had in mind... Simple little changes, really; to be taken with a grain of salt. Thanks for sharing this, tho.
