Well, after two failed attempts to come out to a close friend I finally did it and it went better than I had ever imagined! Wow. What a load off my mind. I had set a number of conditions that I wanted to meet before I felt comfortable telling him. These included things like being sober, being alone with him, not in a crowded place, not in a moving vehicle, and away from his house. Two previous attempts were ruined by one or more of these conditions not being met and I backed out. Egads! I'm sounding like a software engineer. Anyway, a few little details before I continue. He is my best friend and we've been friends for three years. We also work together and I drive him to and from work. So, after work today I asked him if he didn't mind going to A&W for a bite to eat. I figured it would be pretty empty as it was about 9 AM on a Sunday morning(we work overnight). Well, it was a little busier than I expected and I chickened out. But before we left while sitting in my car I just started thinking about what I just did (or rather didn't do). I just sat there staring into thin air and then I just blurted out (without even thinking), "I have to talk to you about something." I thought to myself, "Crap, why did I just say that." I looked over at him and he had that worried look of curiousity. It seemed to me that he knew where I was going with this. "Too late to turn back now," I though trying to bolster my courage. The ball was rolling. After some stuttering and stammering I finally said it. His response at first was a little disheartening. A moment of awkward silence and then him fighting to find something to say. I broke the tension by mentioning how guilty I felt every time I made up some lie whenever one of our conversations turned to women and I asked him if he was alright with it. To my relief he was totally cool with it. "It's 2007, man. Nobody really cares anymore if you swing that way." And so we started on our way home. I said to him, "be honest. Were you at all surprised? I guess it kind of explains a few things, eh?" He had his suspicions. I'll admit it does look a little awkward when I'm 21 and I've never had a girlfriend before. And whenever a conversation turns to women I usually try and change the subject. I dropped him off but not before reassuring him that I am and always will be the same guy he was alway friends with. He reasurred me that he was alright with it and left saying, "see you next week." Well, that's how it happened. I have never felt more relieved and happy in my life. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have a friend like him. As I type this I'm grinning ear-to-ear knowing that he loves me for who I am. My only concern is the possibility that he might act differently around me for a bit. If this is the case then I'm certain that he'll realize, after a few weeks, that I'm the same ol' guy and we'll be closer than ever. I have to thank everyone here who'ved posted their experiences and feelings. It is comfortable knowing there are other people going through the same thing and encouraging that it seems to usually have a happy outcome. So, thank you all for posting and thank you to all that have welcomed me here. You folks rock. Anyway, love you all, Ian. P.S. I hope I didn't bore anybody with my banal rambling and long drawn-out account of what happened. For anyone who wants the short version: I came out to my friend, he was okay with it.
I'm so glad that everything went so well. Coming out to someone and having them respond like that is one of the best feelings in the world. Good work man.
awwwww!!! that was so brave of you coming out. i'm really happy for you even though i don't know you, well done!
Thank you both for the replies. It really is the greatest feeling in the world. His response was the one that mattered most to me. I still wonder what it would be like if he didn't take it well. "If he can't accept me for who I am then he isn't much of a friend," people say - but I don't think I would have followed such advice no matter how true it may be. Three years may not seem like a long time but we've been through a lot. I've grown very attached to him and I think coming to the realization that all those fun times we had were meant for someone that isn't me would have torn me apart inside. If it had been anyone else it wouldn't have bothered me so much. He is the kind of person that frequently uses the word 'gay' as a pejorative descriptor and for a while it bothered me but after reading that thread about the use of the word gay, it wasn't such a big deal but I still wondered whether he was homophobic or not. Every time he made one of those kind of remarks it would make me crawl deeper into my shell. I was tired of lying when it came to women though. He confronted me about how women were throwing themselves at me and I wouldn't even notice. I told him he never seems to talk to any himself. I figured it was because he was very shy but he said it was because he's already had a girlfriend before and he wanted me to have one (I've never had one). That's when the guilt set in and felt it necessary to tell him. Now that I look back on that awkward bit about women, I find it odd that he'd hold off on dating for my sake. Perhaps he is in the same boat as me. Anyway, I'm glad it worked out well and I can stop worrying. I've spent a long time being terrified of losing his friendship and I'm glad I can finally clear my head of all of that especially with school starting for me in a week. The only other people I feel compelled to tell are my parents. I'm sure they have their suspicions. Hell, my mom even asked me if my friend and I were gay when I bought tickets to a beer festival for the two of us. I lied to her. I'm content right now with just my friend knowing. Eventually I will tell my parents but I don't know when or how. I don't really plan on telling anyone else. That isn't to say nobody else will know. I just won't make an announcement. I don't feel it is necessary to make a spectacle of my sexuality. That being said, I don't really feel like hiding it any longer so if it comes up or if someone is so bold as to ask, I won't hesitate to tell them. I think that about sums it up. Oh, I talked to him earlier this morning. The whole gay thing never came up and we just talked as usual. I was a little worried that it might be awkward over the next little while, perhaps to the point where he wouldn't talk to me for a while but it seems like he isn't at all phased by it. I've never felt so close and open with anyone before and I think that if I can tell him I'm gay that I can tell him anything and he'll listen without judging me and still love me even if he doesn't necessarily agree. So yes, it is one of the best feelings in the world. I couldn't have done it without a place like this. Even though I don't know any of you, I wouldn't have been able to summon the bravery to come out if I hadn't read any of your experiences. I can't reiterate what a great place this has been for me and I thank you all for helping me change my life. -Ian
Sweet Hopefully my friend reacts the same way. I tried to tell her before but chickened out like you, maybe I'll try again now. Isn't it a relief though, to have it out like that... I am really happy for you, and I mean that. And I know EXACTLY what you mean about people saying they're not a true friend if they don't accept you and everything. It just doesn't work.
