so heres the deal, i ride public transportation and i go to school, and i live with my parents. the problem is that i just wanna go on a rampage. it used to be whenever i got angry i would have fantasies about bashing ppls skulls in with whatever i was holding. but as time goes on i wanna kill and maim anyone aroung me for no reason, just random ppl on the street, sitting in front of me on the bus, sitting next to me in class. for instance tuesday i was talking to a girl in my class who was next to me and she is attractive, but for some reason i kept fantasising about just reaching over and snapping her neck just for the hell of it. and last night i was putting away the dishes and my dad was in the kitchen too, and i had the urge to slit his throut and stab him untill he was just a pulp. and this morning, on the bus there was a woman sitting in front of me and i had a fantasy about just pulling out a gun and blowing her head off. this has been going on for a few months now and im starting to scare myself because i like these fantasies, i see them happening in my mind so vividly, and get pleasure from the thought of killing ppl gruesomly. am i alone? or am i going sociopathic? or pschopathic? is there anything wrong with what im thinking?
I dont think you are alone.... But you probably need help Are getting any help with this....maybe counselling....what do you think?
ive had counseling before and all its ever done is make me angry and confused. even counselers talk to you like your crazy. it pisses me off because that doesnt help, i think "make me normal, dont constantly remind me that you think im insane". this is the only place in my life that im able to say what i think, im not up for a popularity contest on the internet. i feel so repressed in normal life, like maybe because noone understands my "dark, fucked up" sense of humour. everyone would ridicule me for thinking freely. besides i guess im not really psycho cause i understand that if i dont lie to ppl in the "real" world that i will more than likely be put away for the rest of my life. to go into deeper detail i never fantasise about killing children, i believe children are hope incarnate, but as soon as i see an adult (espesially in professional attire) i feel the urge to kill, its not overpowering, just disturbing and bloody. sexbanshee, how your kid is he feeling better?
My boy is fine....he has his struggles....but we cope....he has been off school with bowel problems...bless him... I think I understand you in a way....angry young man.... When I was a young woman I had an extremely dark side...whilst all my friends were into pop music as it was known i was into heavier stuff and used to listen to songs about dead people and stuff and felt like i was a leper cos i was sort of the only one....i later learned through my studies how to channel my more intense of energies... Even now I can get into rages and wanna dance down the dark side but being a mother of a child who needs a lot of nurturing has taught me well.... Have you ever thought of meeting up with a healer. Do you know what I think....counselling is good for a limited time but healing (for me) has totally and utterly calmed me down and helped me become more open and expressive without feeling so misunderstood and angry... I trained in reiki healing...do they have people in Rhode Isand who do that... Glad to hear you dont wanna kill children.....
i dont understand what you mean by a healer. elaborate ill be praying to the powers that be for your boy
Thanks very much for the prayers for my boy that is very kind of you... I trained as a healer. I put my hands on people and channel in universal energy...healers open themselves up to the heavenly source if you like. Go into google and type in either reiki healing or hands on healing and that is what I recommend you have... look at the symbol below.....and take some power from it.... i send you some healing and warmth from Ireland
no, i'm sure you're not. sometimes, and it's been a LONG time for me since it last happened. but one of my cats has claimed me for himself and i refer to him as my child. his name is samson, bytheway and a sister of his in his litter is named delilah . but i remember holding him in my arms and he'd be sleeping/purring. and don't think me wicked or anything after this... but i'd look at him lovingly and in the back of my mind, this image would formulate of me plugging his nostrils with cement or something and watching him suffocate or try to clear his airways and almost immediately i would feel sick and ashamed for even having that thought, i mean he's my BABY!!! no, you've got the overactive imagination, i see. no, but if start to have facial twitches, i would reconsider the answer to this question, lol. i don't know if it's wrong, i mean as long as you don't/didn't take any of those "fantasies" seriously and carried them out and made a three-act play out of it, you know, then you're no more guilty than i. but you may feel a bit withdrawn from society and you may begin to dwell in the mindframe that "i'm a freak and i will kill the next person i see", without it being that over-reaching, you know? not sure if it's wrong, but certainly not healthy for you mentally/emotionally. you may want to seek professional counseling/help with this problem. es[ecially if it seems to progress over time, by getting more violent, hostile and graphic. i told my mom about my "samson murder" scenario... and she thinks that it's a thirst for power. or the fact that this something is helpless at your feet. and you can determine the final/endless actions. depending on how you look at it. it all comes down to chauvinism. i say we blame the men for this, lol.
I used to be angry at your age. LSD and transcendental meditation helped me greatly. Your desire to dominate will only result in YOUR total domination unless you give in to the beauty that is life, but to fight transformation will only cause you to spiral deeper into a hell of your own creation. You are in great danger. Be very careful with your karma. http://ccbs.ntu.edu.tw/FULLTEXT/JR-PHIL/robert.htm
Hey makesmomcry, ever read any books by Chuck Palahniuk? Try Lullaby or Fight Club sometime. That guy made some real money with his sick fantasies--people like to read that stuff. There's a market for thoughts like yours--put them to paper, that's the best place for them.
I don’t think your crazy but maybe you should change your thoughts. It’s pretty easy to think I want to kill that person – that person – then after lunch that person. And the more you think about it the easier it gets. I suggest that if you are going to have thoughts of killing people make it a little more difficult and start including some “what if’s” Examples: What if the person you try to kill – kills you first: What if the person you kill has revengeful friends and they take it out on your loved ones: What if an anger mob grabs you and gives you a curb stomping for shooting an old woman: What if you traumatized a couple of kids for life because they seen their Grandmother get shot: Anyway it’s just a thought cheers!
