No weapons of mass destruction Because our government is full of corruption Its time for construction Because this governments our production And their endless power needs reduction Because of our ignorance we look passed their obstruction They made the war on drugs to stop us from givin eachother hugs The white house is full of slugs The war on terror Nothing but an error The lies keep flowing Wont tell us what they're knowing And we buy into what they're showing On our TVs Their bullshit flows around like the breeze But thats ok cuz its for national security, More Like Obscurity The cowboy claims hes got morals While he starts quarrels for other countries oils Soldiers dying on foreign soils So the rich get richer and the poor get poorer... It's a horror To see a war across the shore being fought by the core filled up with the poor they don't know what they're there for But they knock down the door and ignore the crying children who soon won't cry anymore Or if they do, they'll grow up And itll be the same as before and they'll continue the war. We need to realize that our president is telling lies If we don't their will be never ending cries From the families whos sons and daughters died Don't let the president think he can decide to do whatever he wants worldwide While we continue to divide... Thank you... Peace and Love, Dan
thats great. I dont have the courage to post my poem, because I would be worried someone would steal it...
Thank you. Nah I'm not worried about anybody stealing my poem, and if they do, oh well.... Peace and Love, Dan
um, yeah, very nice message, i didnt like the use of occasional rhyme, i didnt like the structure to be honest the message is all well and good, but i dont think the form and structure or way you wrote it did much to affirm what your trying to say. it didnt make me want to jump up and protest, infact it did very little to move me emotionally. also knoticing the lack of any puncuation, which ment that it doesnt read propperly, because without the odd full stop or comma i've gotta read for ages without taking a breath. this bit also i had problems with the fact that you used the same rhyme twice, doesnt really work if you ask me... " Its time for construction Because this governments our production And their endless power needs reduction Because of our ignorance we look passed their obstruction" all these things need to be considered. im sorry, i dont want to knock your will to write poetry, please keep writting keep posting, but please re read your poem first, and consider how you could make it better. just one mans opinion...
*noticing *meant *properly lol.. Sorry, I guess my thing is correct spelling. Everyone has a certain writing style.. its all about personal preference. There happens to be a famous poet who didn't use capitalization and didn't use punctuation at all, and no one else seemed to mind. To the writer of the poem.. you wrote what was in your heart and that is always a good thing. Keep on keepin' on, and don't let the critcs get to ya.
i've got dyslexia which explains my bad spelling.... but i honestly think if your writting at this length you need some sort of puncuation, simply to give the reader a breather.
Oh, I'm sorry about the spelling thing then...I didn't know. I wanted to be an English teacher in the past so that's just a thing I have. Anyways, yeah...punctuation is always good, but you can also read it in intervals instead of in one great big breath or something. Take it a stanza at a time, or even a sentence at a time. The form isn't the focus, its the message, man.
thanks, im always happy to be corrected to be honest! the point is tho, that the poem doesnt have any stanzas, or sentences, and the form of a poem reaffirms the message in the poem. i mean, if i wrote a really serious poem about pollution war and politics and wrote them in limmeric style, it wouldnt be a successful way of conveying the message in the poem would it? anyone can write a message down, a poet gives it structure and makes it the most effective it can be.
