How do we not have a MJ Humor forum? Funny stories and corney-ass jokes and shit what is the difference between a drunk guy and a stoner at a stop sign? - the drunk guy runs it - the stoner waits for it to turn green!
These three guys die in a car wreck and they all go to Hell. When they arrive the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was. The first guy says, "It's gotta be the booze. I'm always drunk." The Devil decides to lock him in a room with nothing but shelves of every kind of alcohol imaginable. The guy's thinking, "Fuck yeah! Look at all this alcohol!" and runs into the room. The second guy says, "It's the women, I could never stay faithful to my wife." The devil opens up the second door and inside is nothing but the finest looking naked women as far as the eye can see. The guy was to be locked in for 100 years. He couldn't believe it and his dick got instantly hard and he went running into the room as the Devil locked the door behind him. The third dude says, "It's gotta pot. I'm always tokin' up." The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10 foot tall icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green, death bud. The stoner can't believe it. He goes in and takes a seat Indian style with his back to the door and the Devil shuts and locks the door. One hundred years pass and the Devil returns to check on the three men. He opens the first door and the man comes crawling out. He's got an empty bottle in one hand, he's completely naked, hasn't shaved or showered in years, and is covered in his own puke, shit, and piss. "I'll never drink again!" he says. The Devil says it's good he learned something and decides to give him a second shot at life. The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out twice as fast as when he went in. "I'm fucking gay!" he screams. The devil figures he's learned not to cheat on his wife and decides to give him a second chance too. The Devil then comes to the third door. He opens it and sees nothing has changed. The stoner is still sitting there in the same position that he was 100 years ago. The Devil asks him if he's learned anything. The stoner turns around as a tear rolls down his cheek, "You gotta light, man?"
Thats nto funny thats almsot painfull... And what happned to the second guy? I can't see that gettign old. to many lose ends. lol
oh man, stoner guy had it the worst,. others had fun for atleast some time, and he had to spend 100 years with all that weed knowing he cant get high , i woulda eaten like a kilo, i know it probably wont work but i would just wana get high so much
i forgot about the second guy its in the joke now man i cant typpe long jokes when im high whoa maybe thats why theres no pot humor forum...
If I was the third guy I would have found some way to make fire, that way just make a big fire and light it all up, or not all of it. Or use the leaves to roll a joint.
hm, obviosly the plants were growing in soil, and perhaps the time they were there stones might have developed or soemthing, banging 2 granites together makes a spark, so just wait till u need to fart and spark up, giant flamethrower whAAAAAM, but where will he get sheets from. or best method. chop a plant down- dry the stems hopefully the size of the plant would mean its almost woodlike and rubb em together. man those are such stupid ideas
y'all are being too literal, it's a joke after all. neways the best way to get high in hell is to roll around in the pot until you are covered in trichromes and then let it absorb through your skin. ... only a real stoner couldn't find fire in hell. a french guy, a jamacian guy, and a stoner are all on a cruise at sea. the french guy gets a 200 dollar bottle of wine and chucks it into the ocean. the jamacian is obviously confused and asks why the hell he did that. the french guy replies: "In my country, we have so much wine, we can afford to throw it away." the jamacian considers this, reaches into his back pack, and tosses a kilo of pot into the ocean. the stoner jumps in after it. aaaannnd i have actually waited for a stop sign to turn green, but to be fair it used to be a light until a tree took it down.
Mitch hedberg: on drugs. back when i did drugs we would go into the woods, to avoid any authority figures. one time we ran into a BEAR, there is no bigger authority figure. i turned to run and saw my friend duane raising his right hand pledging to help prevent forest fires... i told my smokey the bear joke in england, and they didn't understand it, cause in england they don't got smokey the bear, they got slappy the frog, which, in my opinion is a much better forest-fire-prevention representative, cause i've never said "oh no, here comes that frog, i better tie my food up in a tree," no, it's always optomistic, like, "here comes that frog! maybe he will settle near me so i may pet him, and put him in a mayonaise jar, with a bug and a leaf to simulate what he's used to, and i better punch a couple of holes in the lid, cause he's damn sure used to air." Bill Hicks: My friend used to have one of those talking cars, you know, the kind that tells you what's wrong with it. one day we were all tripping on acid when a voice said "THE DOOR IS A JAR."... we had to pull over and think about that one for EIGHT hours. "How can the door be a jar?" "I dunno man." one time a cop pulled us over. cop was standing right there (points to left side) and i was looking at him in the mirror there (points to lower left). "Hey look it's an itty bitty copper!" "What should we do with him?" "let's leave him in the jar-door, on the side of the road YOU'LL NEVER GET US COPPER! YOU'LL NEVER GET US!"
Q. What did the stoner's wife say to him before he left for the show? A. Doobie careful. Q.What is a Stoner's Favorite kinda Car? A Blazer
