sweetie's midlife crisis is exhausting me, too

Discussion in 'Men's Issues' started by drumminmama, Mar 19, 2007.

  1. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    my sweetie (42) has been going through midpoint depression for three years.
    abandoned his art form, picked up another, started playing poker, a lot (granted, he's good, but geezzzz)
    I've held on these past two and a half years think it can only be a bit longer.
    Now I'm tired. Bone tired, of it.
    boy, does he deserve a red head in menopause in a few years.
    He's finally admitting to it, so I'm hopeful we are on the far side of the valley of hell.
    i'm grateful it wasn't a sportscar and a bimbo.

    for the guys who have been there, what helps? what hurts?

    I've been quietly supportive, had a few attempts at jolting him out (that works temporarily, and he does not seem too annoyed by the tactic)
    What do I need to understand about this? what does HE need to know?
    Post, my elder brothers.
     
    drumminmama, Mar 19, 2007
    #1
  3. Cutted

    Cutted Cutted

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    Have him see a psychiatrist. There is medication that can be prescribed which will snap him out of it right away.
     
    Cutted, Mar 20, 2007
    #2
  5. Piney

    Piney Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    having a nice soul-mate ( sorry Libertine ) is the best !
    So I'm sure he's got that going for him Druminmamma


    Having fufilling work is important, Career doldurums can look like male menopause. Can be more about self-actualization than money.



    Getting exercise really helps, brisk hiking is better than the gym as

    the mind is stimulated as well with observance of nature.
    The bycicle is nice to do together, nice lil trip somewhere.
    Yeah exercising together in a stimulating environment rocks.

    Doubling the intake of fresh water. Pissing out all those acculuminated metals, minerals and chemicals, and helps to loose weight.

    cutting way back on alcholic beverages helps me greatly.
    vitamins always good. Cutting back on salt & sugar helped me too.

    Completing projects around the house is always a boost to self esteem.
    For some people a garden works.
    Perhaps taking on more chores. The feeling of pulling ones own weight
    is reinforcing. Learn how to use the washer/dryer. Cooking can be fun.

    Sometimes happiness is self-manufactured and you have to work at it.
    Accept the verdict of god that the old member is not going to work the
    way it once did, its hippie humility, give thanks that the mind is still ok and cultivate some intelectual hobby. Stay connected with siblings & cousins.

    Membership in a club has a nice way of giving to the community and
    giving back to the volunteer. Attending services with ones faith can be a great boost; people in that community seem positive & outgoing.
    I should go more often.

    Getting a lot more sleep helps. Bag the TV and hit the hay early. Read
    in bed.

    Sorry for rambling on......
     
    Piney, Mar 20, 2007
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  7. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Its not what he needs to KNOW, its what he needs to realize and accept. He needs to accept that he is older.
    He (OK, I) am not a young man, who happens to have more years that other young men. I'm middle aged and heading towards being elderly. Middle age is a different time of life than before.
    Has his eyeglass prescription changed recently? Needing reading glasses was a shock to me.
    I don't know what got (is getting) me through, but perhaps if he were to be a mentor figure to young (20-25yr.) men he might get that he is in a different phase of life. Initially, he may try to prove that he's like them, but eventualy, their treating him as an outsider (not one of the boys), while still respecting him, will show him that others see that his phase of life is different than theirs. Art teacher might be such a role.

    I have no suggestions for you and what you should do. (I hope he is aware enough to thank you for your patience.) But consider, when the time comes, how long will it take you to realize that the hoola hoop is no longer for you?

    I hope this helps you. Good luck to both of you guys.
     
    MikeE, Mar 20, 2007
    #4
  9. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    thank g-d that my sweetie is still mechanically fine (it's my desire that's out of whack) and thin.
    Mike, he got his first pair of glasses ever four-five years ago, has no issues about balding and thinks grey hair is a hoot (unfortunately he didn't get the memo that says "NEVER TELL YOUR LADY YOU SEE WHITE HAIR OR WRINKLES on pain of couch.")
    I told him then that in MY family he was officially three, the standard age for the first pair of glasses.

    He's boss to a kitchen full of "kids" from 16-26. they treat him like grandpa hippy, but he's been in that role since 28. So far, he's one of the boys, but, yes, I see what you are saying. Perhaps he will emerge into a mentor role. (Please g-d)
    I guess we mamas have it easier: bleed-not bleed. pretty simple definition.

    We are picking the kooky "old couple" we want to eventually be. this has been his trip for six years or so.

    Piney, what amazes me about his art swap is that he was a one and only "living American master" (my words, not his) of a dye technique, and now well, we are close friends with three other live painters.
    We do not speak to his sibling, as he is racist and has insulted me (because of my background) to their mom. We are in touch with mom and step dad.

    he has a mental exercise in poker: it's some sort of math puzzle to him. He's a puzzle junkie and was junior mensa. You'd never guess.

    Mike, he did once thank me for my patience. Didn't change a single habit, but was cognizant that I was fraying under the excess stress. Seems worried that I might bail. not likely.

    thanks.
    dm
     
    drumminmama, Mar 20, 2007
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  11. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Yes, I was thinking that, like adolesence, mid-life is another change in life status accompanied by physical changes in the body. (No, you do not have TWO teenagers to deal with.)

    It does make sterotypical sense that a woman's body sends regular reminders of its wearer's stage in life, but a man's body only asks Gallagher's Question. Even your bodies are more communicative than ours.
     
    MikeE, Mar 21, 2007
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  13. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    yeah, and our bodies bitch! ;)
    actually, I'm discovering that our bodies are passive agressive communicators.

    I have one teenager and my sweetie to deal with. That counts.
     
    drumminmama, Mar 21, 2007
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  15. Alaskan

    Alaskan Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Drumminmama:

    I don't know if this will help. I change careers about every 10 yrs. Burn out, pure and
    simple.
    My poor wife. I'm about due now. Back to school or a lot of planning . The big problem is I'm pushing 60..
    As of today I'm a journeyman in 2 different trades, 3 college degree's, 3 business's behind me and now I'm looking for something new...
    Maybe your lucky he just plays poker..................Dennis
     
    Alaskan, Mar 21, 2007
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  17. ronald Macdonald

    ronald Macdonald Banned

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    punch him in the balls
     
    ronald Macdonald, Mar 27, 2007
    #9
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