This guy is hot than cold. What's up with that?

Sorry, it's quite long, but you'll need some history, to give me your opinion.

*We've known eachother about ten years, and have confided in eachother about our "separate" lives.

*Always friends, although have not always kept in touch.

*Never made the moves on one another. Always respected eachother, and relationships each was in at any givin time.

Last fall, we ran into eachother, he asked if I wanted to go to town with him. Since I was already on the way, I told him to call me when he got in. He did. As usual we had a blast. More so now, 'cause after lengthy conversations, we started kissing, which led to some hand exploration. Nothing major.

A week or so passed, and he called. We then started texting/calling eachother alot, and started discussing becoming involved romantically. We both felt there we're some obstacles, but I felt I had more than him, and confided them to him. Which, he answered logically, and realistically. I do not think for a moment he was trying to deceive me.

He's was and always has been very attentive, and complementary, more so now in the complements. Within the month we had become physically intimate. I was hesitant, not wanting to give a bad impression. He was not, and told me he believed that it would "better" our relationship.

Things were great, and intimacy was not on the top of the list. We still enjoyed eachothers company. We were only physically intimate like twice. He bought me a great Christmas gift, then things went south.

During this short "courtship" he was spending more time with personal endeavors, then me, but I had responsibilities too, not so much doin my own thing, but doing what needed to be done, so I did not mind, so much. Until I really started feeling that I was being put on the back burner. I let him know how I felt. He agreed, and wanted time apart, 2 weeks, asked if I'd wait, I said yes. I texted him in like 4 days. he was a bit p.o.'d.

I texted him explaining that I was o.k with the situation, and that the 2 weeks he needed wasn't necessarily going to change how he was currently feeling, and that I was going to use the time to heal. He responded by saying "You fall in love too quickly if you say you're o.k. with things". That's nuts. After this incident, I left alone for close to a month.

I wrote him a letter explaining that I could not see where he was coming from until I separated myself emotionally, which I did. I thought perhaps he thought lowly of me for being intimate with him early in our relationship. But explained that I had no reservations with him because I didn't see him as someone I just met, but as the person I've known all these years. He was not emotionally stable, too much unresolved baggage. Grapevine said, he said, it was moving too fast. What's up with that?

We've kept in touch, but not in a romantic fashion. He called me out once, but I refused to become intimate, sating I wasn't going to be a bootie call.

So over all...

*He's hot on us, then cold.

*He opens up emotionally, and tells me personal things about himself and his family, friends, etc.

*When it seems things are moving in the right direction, he finds something stupid to cause a rift, and upsets the balance. Then we're back to square one..or two..

*He's mellow dramatic, when his feelings are hurt, and won't admit it.

I know, I'm nuts, for putting up with his behavior. I'm on simmer again, but I refuse to contact him, regardless of attraction.

What's there to be attracted to? His character is strong. He really is a wonderful guy, admittingly chicken of relationship.

Just on this novel.....opinions please.

 

wow..opinions..geez..10 years ..hm mm
i dunno..
have u ever discusessed what the relstionship was?
maybe to him it was freinds with benifits but your not that type so let feelinmgs get deeper?
hmm i dunno his behavior is sorta odd..lol

what do u hope for?
i mean u have been close a long time do u want to go back to freinds the way itwsas when it wss all good ort try to salvage as rom,ance that could threatten the freindship

i dunno give him his 2 weeks buty then try tro find out what he wants & be honnest with eachother bout where u wantthings t0o go\\



fallin asleep ill try to think motre boiut this tomoro
but he seems an odd 1

gluck
but dont hurt yourself

 

He was never that into you.

 

Hang in there, Moto. It sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders. As much as I hate to say this (because don't we all love being liberated and crazy in love) I do sometimes wonder when dating, if I'm doing the appropriate thing? Should I kiss him? Should I stay over? When is it appropriate that we fool around a bit, make out? So for me, it was like reading my own thoughts, and I could relate.

It also sounds like he really needs to figure his life out. It may have been so natural to move from long time friends to lovers but if he doesn't have his shit straightened out, that's still a big jump! And can be overwhelming. It may not have been what he needed at all in his life and I'm going to be very honest, it sounds like he was on the rebound of something, job-wise, relationship-wise.

If that's ^ the case then I'm in the same situation as you, or was recently. I had just broken up from a long term, serious relationship with someone who had been a very good friend for awhile. With that break up, I also lost a valuable, irreplaceable friend. In the meantime, someone appeared out of nowhere and we had started talking only as friends. I didn't go out looking for him or a relationship, I know myself that I was in pretty bad shape and the last thing I needed was that. This new guy, B, became VERY attracted to me from the start and I'm not ashamed to say that I went along with it 1) I was partially delirious and 2) I don't regret a minute of it today because I wouldn't be where I am now or as happy as I am now. Nevertheless, it wasn't neverneverland and we truly had very rough patches... and he was around for things he shouldn't have been around for. It was frustrating because we were moving at different speeds at the beginning and he became hurt and pained by it but still very patient. We're fine now.

Please don't beat yourself up over taking a chance and putting yourself out there and don't let anyone tell you when and when not you should or shouldnt' fall in love, if you're too fast or slow. They can go suck an orange! I know this guy is a familiar face, and now you've been intimate and shared an emotional attachment but you've done the right thing - owing yourself some time away. Now you're trying to make sense of it all? It also sounds like you haven't moved on completely so I would also stay away from any contact from him because I wouldn't want to feel that emotional bond grow again only to feel let down and disappointed with him pulling away.

Tell him if you did feel let down and saddened. If he tells you you fell in love too quickly, then he's invalidating your emotions and already making you feel rotten. Just two people moving at different rates, or not on the same page. In my opinion, be very very cautious or just avoid avoid avoid. And say goodbye to any friendship and move on for good. It's up to you and certainly easier said than done.

 

yea i totaly got that rebound feeling too..
i mean i could almost feel what was goin on in his mond the 1st time he made a move past freindship..

feels like he was a) hurt & lonely & just wanted to be with whoever would let him or b) out for a revenge fuck, & perhaps his ex was jealouse of your freindship so....your freindship turning to romance was the ultimate fuck you to an ex..
but when it got emotionaly dependednt it became too real & he pannicked & pushed yas away

 

Moto - nowhere in your post does it reveal how old you are now, and that might affect how we respond. If you met at 10 and are now 20, our response would be much different than if you met at 25 and are now 35.

 

WOW Great stuff...all of you.

Hey Soaringeagle...we discussed that we would test the waters, and the compatibility was/is there. He has 4 kids 15 yrs. and up, I have 2 kids, 5 and 10. So, our discussions focused on ourselfs, our kids, families, friends, and exes. We tried to cover all the bases and obsticles that would hamper our being together. I knew kids his from small, and I re-met them again, as well as my kids meeting them. Being in a small town, we know eachothers exes.

I'm hoping for a great romance. But that won't happen if he's not there 100%.

I'm not sure about the friendship thing since there's been a strain on the trust factor.

I get the feeling, that he's more emotionally entangled than myself, and that's why he keeps his distance.

He's had two serious relationships in 20 years, 1 marriage ended 11 months, and 4 kids later. The other was with an insecure, jealous, woman with two kids (none his, and she didn't want any from him), and not much in common. They split cause she wouldn't accept his kids, although they were living together.

Friend with benifits? Don't think so, he invested too much in the beginning, and neither one of us wanted to screw-up the friendship, but then again, if that was so, why did we get involved?

Hey Haid....you might be right...but everything I know of this guy just doesn't point that way. Maybe I'm in denial.

Hey Hannah...Thanks alot, I know what you mean. And, yeah I have not completly moved on, but I'm also not just sitting around waiting and dreaming of this guy. I am going out and still taking care of responsibilities. But at the same time, I don't go out with just anybody. I don't care how good looking, rich, or successful they are, I need substance. So, when I am approached by someone, I'm very reserved.

Soaringeagle....Again revenge fuck is a possibility, considering too, that his ex and I were aquaintances as well. Although, I valued his friendship over hers. She's a boring, mixed up chick, with some serious self esteem issues.

Hey Cutted... I'm 39 yrs. old.

He and I have our "Own" assets, and I made it clear to him that I did not desire "shacking up". That I'm independent, and living together was not in our best interest. If the relationship moved forward, that issue would be dealt with then.

I'm just sitting back, and letting time do it's thing. Sometimes I have to resist giving in and calling him. Like tonight I'm going out, would love to ask him to come along, but then again I figure, what the hell for? If he's there, he's there. If he wants me, he knows where I am. Right? He can bite.

I feel that by being quiet, the spark just burns out. Too aggressive, puts up a wall. It''s like there's no common ground anymore...really sucks.

 

With the added information I would say he is scarred of getting too close to anyone. Sounds like he has a full plate and not the type to jump back into marriage. He is probably carring around a committment phobia at the moment so you are only allowed so much access. He may change with a little time. Sounds a little to flaky to get your hopes up too much but with time he may see things differently.

 

Hi, just wanted to update y'all on this situation. He came over just over a week ago, late night/early morning. Had a good time, cause I've always enjoyed his company and nature. Things got heated in a good way, positive words were spoken, thought everything was finally headed in the right direction, both on the same page. Of course intimacy.

He called two days later to let me know a relative of his had passed on, and that he would "be lost in thought" for a couple of days. I sympathised with him, sent him an ecard. Gave him a day or two, text him twice, no response, called him twice, no response.

Then decided enough was enough, and have not made any attempt of contact, and have no intention to do so. I am thinking about e-mailing this page to him, so he can see what I've said about our situation, and the responses received. What do you think?

Ex guy came around, and we're trying another round, again. Not so sure if it's the right move, but time will tell. If it works, great, if not, no skin off my butt. Any comments?

 

I just cut off a girl that fits EXACTLY the description of this guy. We were friends for 7 years, ended up fucking during Halloween, and she has problems with intimacy and comes up with kinds of silly excuses.


Usually she has her 3-odd orgasms and switches into a stranger. I found no other solution after all these months but to cut her off.

 

And how are things going now, for both of you?