confusion with boys and making the first move

let me start out by saying that im quite submissive in the bedroom. not like a constant lifestyle thing, but im not a switch, i cant play a domintarix to save my life and i certainly dont like being in control of the whoel bedroom situation. its from this that my current issues regarding boys/sexual compatibliity seems to stem


so theres this guy ive seen a few times. weve met up 3 times now, not a single kiss has been exchanged, not even a snuggle, just a few brushes of arm against leg anda hug goodbye every time. hes expressed interest, been flirty, talked about dating and exes and all taht stuff that indicates interest. but no kiss. i mean, 4 hours 4 hours then 5 hours for each of our respective meetings, nad no kiss. the last two meeting-ups were private, in my house (living room)

so when he came over today (well, technically yesterday, as its past 3am here) we watched a movie then i suggested we watch another one and asked if hed rather move to the bedroom, he said he didnt care my choice, i said it doesnt matter to me i offered him two choices just pick one and he said fine lets stay in the living room. did someone not send him teh memo that telling him i had the hosue to myself for most of the night (which i did earlier) and then suggesting we go to my room is code for "hey id like to kiss you and if that goes well makeout with you" or what?

anyway, so, no kiss. frustartion. he also is willing to acquiesce to whatever his partner wants so far it sounds like, ie facial hair, when/where to meet, last minute plans, my choice in tea or movies or where we are or anything. i mean, im used to a certain degree of indeciviness (im bad for it myself) but its just so..... much lack of spine or self-reliance. i wish i could find out if hes as submissive as he seems but i know of no subtle way to ask or find out (there's a thread in "real kinky" of mine asking how to ask but nary a useful response)


so i met this guy on a dating site, and ive been talking to another gent on a dating site who, well, in his profile talks about how he enjoy sbeing dominant in bed. and roleplay which ive never tried but whatever, i know for cretain he enjoys being a top and he seems intriguing. i feel a bit guilty for talking to him but the first guy and i havent declared monogamy or even kissed once yet. its frustrating.

i cant date another submissive guy. ive tried once and it was horrible. neither of us could play dominant for the other, the sex was bad adn the relationship was awkward and stagnant. it was torturous and im so not willing to do it again, but i dont know how to find out if the first guy is or not. i dont know how to see whos better for me, who i have genuine potential with and basically im confused by whyt he fuck this first guy wont make a move on me

(oh and, yes i could in theory mak ethe first move towards a kiss -but- in every relationship where ive had to do that the sex has ended up sucking, the guy has expected me to play dominant because i leaned in for a kiss first and that sometimes got ironed out but usually the sex was still, well, crappy)

 

first off fuck all the dominanty sub labels.. are you dating a person or a label..if all ya want is to date some1 dominant ya could end up with a total psychopath who will yea sure dominate you..but also destroy you..
fuck the whole dominant submissive bullshit & relate to ppl as ppl

& yea youll get alotta responcers from assholes willing to dominarte you...but trust me, very few whod want to dominate random chicks they meet online would give a shit if they totaly destroyed you..

i've seen 1 submissive chick progress from just posting about wanting to try a more submissive lifestyle to literaly getting arressted for fucking herself in the ass with a broom handle in the middle of the street with "i'll fuck any1 who askes" painted on her chest because shed submit to any insane crap some random dominant guy on a website told her to do..
we're all people..ya have assholes n sluts.. n everything in betweem.. not sayin being sumissive sexualy makes u a slut.. but.. sure makes it easier for some asshole to try..
labels labels labels thats all im hearring dom sub dom sub & you tried 1 submissive guy (again a label, forgetting that he was 1 guy, every guy no matter the label has an equal chance of sucking)
your here asking for hopw to relate to a pertson, yet you only relate to the label..how do i get a sub guy to dom..lol
why dont u realize hes a guy.. not a label.. & just say..why wont you kiss me..

 

Seriously, fuck the games. If you're looking for a relationship then be open with him and ask him what's up with the lack of action. If you're just looking for sex, which it kind of sounds like to me, then go for a dominate guy, and like soaringeagle said, take the risk of getting some asshole that just wants to violate you.

Chances are that if you met this guy on a dating site he's probably shy and/or has had problems with dating in the real world. Maybe he's just being polite and doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or appear to be pressuring you into sex. Have you given him signs that you're ready and want to progress into something physical? There's ways to steer him in the right direction without being an all out dominatrix. Instead of asking him if he wants to go into the bedroom, next time just say "hey, let's go watch a movie in the bedroom." Or while you're sitting next to eachother on the couch, take his hand in yours and while still holding his hand move it towards your inner thigh. Not only is hand to hand contact one of the most primary steps to furthur physical affection, but by coyly placing his hand in a suggestive spot you're giving him a subtle hint and an entrance to what you want.

Maybe this guy is wondering the same things about you. Does this girl even like me? Why hasn't she tried to kiss me?

It's not fair to expect him to make the first move. Be strong and just go for it.

 

youve compeltely over-reacted to the dominance games thing. as you have before, and indubidably will again. its simply a part of my sexuality, its liek telling a lesbian that shes labelling people by referring to htem as a gender, and why isnt she willing to jsut date anyone regardless of their gender? its stuipd. yeah maybe im a little too fixated on it at the moment but i also no mylimits and they are miles and miles before public shit like youve described. just becuase -YOU- have heard about people being stuipd with taht crap doesnt mean that everyone will be idiots with sex and their sexuality. just because some people have stds doesnt mean that everyones gonna go fucking left right and centre without protection and then shootin gup with group needles, yknow? its an over-reaction

im not looking for just sex, but sexual compatibility is a big requirement of a relationship for me. along with emotional, intellectual and spiritual compatibility - which we have. but ive never had a relationship with sexual compatibility and emotional or intellectual as well (spiritual is pretty easy since im mostly live and let be with religion/spirtiuality, as long as they dont force me to change and i dont froce them all is well). im honestly exhausted by not being happy in the bedroom in most relationships ive had. i guess its too much to ask to be happy there as well though.

 

ok here's my suggestion...i don't know if you'll like
i think you should be straight forward with him and tell him in your own words "buddy i want a man who will take charge of the situation ok, so either grow some balls and take me or i'm gonna have to find someone else" you can of course say this in a nice way without coming off as a bitch
basically the roles people take in the bedroom translate into their lives outside of it, and vice versa..i'm sure most people can agree with me on that...with some varying degrees
if hes so indecisive that he won't pick where to go to dinner it's an indication that he won't decide other things as well, bigger things.. sex for sure but also life takes alot of decisions, alot of chances ... obviously not knowing where to go for dinner doesn't mean that much but it can...
it really does depend on the person for sure, just because you've had a terrible relationship with one submissive guy doesn't really relate to this situation because there might have been other things in that other realtionship that made it so terrible

honesty goes along way, it might be hard i know, to actually say it but it really is the best bet...and ya know you could try subtly hinting..but man it's all head games..and a good relationship doesn't need head games fucking it up
best to be up front

let me know ok, if this makes sense... if ya need any more advice...

 

Ive always believed you find the right relationship first, the right partner, and then the sexual stuff works out after. Im not saying i dont understand your desire for a good sex life where you get what you want, but surely if youre in a caring relationship these things would come anyway, they could be negotiated? I like being submissive sometimes too, its fun, and because i love and trust my boyfriend ive been able to open up about this and hes giving me what makes me happy. Compromise, sharing and understanding are part of our relationship
I duno i just dont think its THAT important to seek it above everything else
But then im me and youre you, and i understand your angle

So good luck. But really my advice would be go with whichever man you have a genuine connection with

 

You need someone who more in control, not in a sexual way..just in general. We all know the type. Usually the one that gets the group together, plans stuff, just as we all know other who ask whats the plan. He's not going to change if its in his nature to be a follower. You need to find a guy whos more a leader,,take chagge guy..in a good way..not bossy or mean.

 

hurrah a few posts where iw asnt pretty much called a slutty sex obsessed whore. excellent

shouldve updated earlier but i asked about why he hadnt kissed me yet and he said he was trying to move slow to not screw stuff up... which i respect bu thtere is such a thing as moving too slow. weve made out once and met up a few more times since, im head over heels with him now that i know that hes not too submissive to function without someone taking care of him so, all is well, though we both waffle a lot on options heh