I'm not going to continually pretend I'm a writer

But I can definately use my thesaurus and give it a shot. Like some of the writers I see around these parts with run on sentences and awkward metaphors.

 

Good, good for you. It pays to educate yourself and you would be making an excellent purchase. Do you sometimes pretend you are a writer then? I used to pretend I was in that series called "alias smith and jones" about those big hearted bank robbers that never killed nobody and were looking for a pardon, but I was only 6 at the time.

 

I figured I would saunter in here now and then, maybe type a few lines here and there. I know the writers forums can be taxing, but I figured....hey if I try really hard and watch my punctuation, it is a feasable endeavor.

 

A thesaurus means jack shit. Use words that come naturally to you. Communication is not about trying to impress the rest of the ape community that you are the alpha male/female. Read good newspapers, journalists, authors. If you don't understand a word, look it up in the dictionary. Later on you might use that word when you totally understand it. I have seen a muppet, ot two, in here who try to astonish us with their knowledge of their vocabulary, when they've clearly found an unusual word, and created a sentence deliberately to impress us!!! That is so sad? I get invited to a lot of prominent parties in exclusive areas, and I don't stand there drinking their champagne, thinking how my life has been influenced by some dipstick on the internet who used some shitty word that noone understood anyway. Imagine creating a story around specific words!

 

I'm not disagreeing with you, but sometimes when I read certain posts, it seems like it has been

1. run through the spell check
2. written out of a thesaurus


The way the words are written don't flow and generally just don't make sense. This is when I get lost, as my attention span is a tad short. I like the humor, but some of the attention grabbing descriptions seem to fall flat or just don't make sense.

Not necessarily naming this forum in particular.

 

I know what you mean, I never do this but quite a few people write like they are trying to prove that their mom and dad are morons. I am certain that they spit out these theosaurus words so they have to explain it to their parents and then their parents wont feel so bad about raising a complete jerk and will not know their kid is also a moron

 

haha That reminds me of my "eddumacated' cousin spewing out all these huge words when she was "helping" me write a college assignment.... the words she suggested didn't even make sense, they basically cancelled eachother out and had mismatched tenses... I got so frustrated listening to her babble on and on.... I just scrapped the entire thing and went home to work on a typewriter instead of her "word processor". (many years ago)

 

Dude you are so right. A nephew of mine who is only 8 won a competition at school for being a good writer but I made him give the prize back when I found he had used a theosaurus (the word theosaurus by the way, is derived from greek "theos" meaning idiot and "aurus" meaning "brain") I know where you are coming from. By the way the teacher tried to tell me they encourage kids to use a theosaurus and I just shook my head and walked away disgusted. You can imagine how I immediately told my sister I would pay for the kid to go to Eton College in England till he is 18 and then I want him to have a Harvard education. Of course my sister refused the offer of taking money from me. Eton is £20,000 a term, and as my sister and brother in law are humble peasant farmers that live in a shed on an allottment and know nothing of education and everything about growing carrots and potatoes. They believe I would be best saving my unemployment benifits and spending them on groceries and under-arm deoderant rather than giving their son the best education money can afford. but I say charity begins at home and am trying to convince the authorities to raise my benifits from £58 per week to around £3000 a week so I can afford the school fees and to pay into a trust fund for his university education. They drive a tough bargain though and have so far not been very charitable at all saying that I cannot expect the taxpayer to put my sisters kids through the best schools. My argument is: what is good enough for Tony Blair is good enough for me.
Its not like I am a criminal like Tony Blair and he put about 10 of his kids through school on tax payers money.

 

PS This is why society is in such a mess when ordinary decent citizens have to go to the back of the queue on education while criminals can run the country and give their kids the best education in the world. There arent very many rich people on hip forums that much I know

 

LOL thats an absurd story but quite good

 

A thesaurus creates dilemma. it gives the allusion of "this or us"? People don't like ultimatums, even if the choice is actually good for them. The mistake was calling it a thesuarus in the first place. If it had been called "Wouldulikemetosuckyourdickorfanny" everything wouldhave been alright, and everyone would have adopted the English language making wars based on mistranslation redundant.

 

The next world war will be fought between millions of poets all shouting war poetry at each other and occassionaly stabbing someone with a schaeffer pen. Whole battalians of heavily armed poets, their notebooks filled with moaning about death and glory will launch themselves into full on rap death matches.

The big guns like General Dizzy Rascal and Lord Eminem will fight to the death
while their minions buy and sell their records occasionally getting in the way of someones sheer invective and being shot down in flames

 

It will be a horrifying war to end all wars, as thermonuclear metaphors erupt over cities, plunging populations with stanza radiation. Survivors will be running aimlessly in the streets crying for help, suffering from burns from iambic pentameters.

Meanwhile, the US will be launching couplet after couplet, and while Britain tries to protect herself with alliteration, France will combine a rhyme with an Irish lymerick, thus saving the world with a Milliganesque Pontoonery.

 

The sheer terror of British Double Entendre and absurd surrealism v's the ascerbic German wit. Sattelites firing the sunshine bullets of radio1 djs at russian thermonuclear grunting sounds

 

(suddenly a big gun appears...)

GUN : Suck my barrel.

Moral of the story: Don't put things in your mouth if you don't know where they've been.

 

See, this is where you lose me ... in the metaphors.

 

Except no-one listened to that moral, and they all stuck each others gun barells in their mouths. preferring instead to think the moral of the story is, "Clunk Click every trip, dont forget to wear a safety belt"

 

i am going to school to alleiviate myself of the awkward metaphors and run-on sentances because i am hell bent on being a writer.

 

What are you interested in writing about, Evil Lesbian?

 

arty:


I went to school many years ago and have forgotten most of what I've learned. Combine this thought with the fact that I have become utterly dependant on spellcheck, am usually stoned or hungover, then... and only then you will have an understanding of my ability to grasp "the written word".

In school my strength was comprehension. Can you believe that?

I am writing this post to myself, please just skip right over it.:&

I suppose that writers just try to scare us common folk away with their intimidating and mind-numbing style of knotty babble.