why i am sad and need someone to talk to.

Hello everyone.

I hope you all don't mind me posting here with my "issues", some of which may seem just plain trivial to you. It's just that I've got a lot of sadness and anxiety and worry built up inside me and i really need to tell SOMEONE about it or I will go "pop!". I'm not necessarilly looking for "the" answer to all my problems, though of course any suggestions or even just empathy would help It'll probably be a long thread, so be warned.

A couple of months ago I moved from a small city in a small state (Tasmania) to a big city on the mainland of Australia. Where I used to live was a really eco-friendly place, a lot of hippies and alternative green culture and festivals and just a really fun, cool place to be in. People were themselves for the most part if you know what I mean...most people were genuine; what you saw was what you got. I lived right near mountains and forests and beaches.

But now where I live I don't feel like I belong at all. The city is big and it smells. People here are so concerned about appearence...everyone has the latest fashions (for the most part) and obviously spends lots on makeup and hair and looking good. No-one makes eye-contact and smiles! No one just says "good morning" if you see them in the street. I feel alone here and like a total outsider. I am friendly and I don't really care about makeup and the latest fashion...I'm used to wearing a mixture of clothes from op-shops, markets and stuff I've modified myself, as well as colourful hairties / headscarfs / hats. In Tasmania I could relate to people...here I feel I can't (the clothes are just examples of my wider feeling of not belonging).

When I left Tasmania I had just broken up with a long-term (4 years) boyfriend who things weren't working out with. I knew it was over, buit I still miss him sometimes. I read his blog regularly and it seems he has fallen in love with someone else. Don't get me wrong, I WANT him to be happy and not pining over me...but it still upsets me. This might sounds weird because I broke things off with HIM and i now have another partner. But for some reason it still upsets me. I want to stop reading his blog all the time but I feel drawn there.

Also, before I left for a long while in our group of friends I had been doing all the work in organising our get-togethers. I made all the effort to ring them up, to see when they were free...and they did hardly anything. I had to organise my own going away party in Jan 2007 because not one of them bothered to ask me if I wanted to do anything or meet up before I left! For my 21st birthday in November 2006 I had to organise my own party whereas for everyone else that year the group organised something special. And at my party, not one of them bought me a present, made me a cake or even offered to pay for my dinner when we all went out for tea. One of them said she hadn't enough money for a present...yet I just found out that another of our group just had his birthday and they went all out for him! They made him a cake, had TWO parties, and the girl who said she would buy me a present when she had enough money got him a PLAYSTATION. So she obviously forgot about what she said to me, or didn't care or something! When I arrived here a couple of months ago I told the group how I felt about how they treated me and they all agreed they hadn't been fair and would be better friends. But since them only one of them has really made an effort! It's strange, when i left Hobart i felt I didn't belong there anymore - but I don't feel like i belong in this new place either.

Then there's uni...I am studying fourth year philosophy in melbourne (where I am now) at uni having just finished my 3 year BA in Hobart (where i was). The problem is...

1. 4th year uni is MUCh harder than 3rd year

and

2. so many people here seem to be smarter / more well read than me!

and I suck at time management, and because of already feeling sad and disconnected I'm falling more and more behind instead of catching up! Of course I then beat myself up, get more sad and the whole thing continues. This applies to a couple of other goals I have that i wanted to work on when i got here. Hobbies I want to get back into and starting to exercise again (I've gained about 11 pounds since I broke up with my long term-boyfriend and I am about 30 pounds overweight). This is a health and an appearance thing really that I want to lose the extra weight. There is a history of diabetes in our family that I DON'T want to get! But also i know it would boost my self-esteem hugely to look and feel my best.

Then there's other little things I'm having trouble with. I drink too many caffine drinks. The BC I'm on makes me bleed constantly (implanon in my arm). My current partner isn't very happy at the moment and our sex life isn't very good. I'm in debt...not hugely, but still debt worries me. I miss being in nature and it takes about an hour to drive out of the city to get to any sort of mountain or forest. I miss my cat Timmy who is still in Hobart. And so on...and so on...

If you've read this far, thanks a heap Please post a reply so i know you're out there, even if you can't help. Sorry for the long post but I just really needed to connect and get all this sadness out!! I can feel it welling up in me and i've been breaking down and crying at little things a lot. I don't feel I can talk to my friends because the ones in hobart ignore me and the ones here I don't know well enough yet. And my partner has his own problems so I don't want to burden him too much. I want to do something about this but I don't know what to address first...it's like all the issues are knotted together like a big ball of string and it takes a lot of time and energy to begin to unknot them...and I'm still trying to keep up with uni, money, the part time job I've newly aquired here and so on. What do I do?!

Thanks,
TMT.

 

aww baby girl sounds like you've got a lot on your plate
first off
have you ever thought of going to the doctor if your registered with one and explaining things to them
maybe going for some counsaling would help? just knowing you can talk to someone and them listening can be a real big help i've noticed..
it can take people time to ajust to moving to a new place sometimes so i'd hang in there if ya can.
it really sounds like you need a bit of time out for your self to get your thoughts together and have some "you time" which sounds to me like your not getting any right now..

real sorry to hear about your friends an all
that's real shitty so so sorry you've had to go thrue that..
also, you should talk to your partner.. don't let things ly and simmer under the surface
that wont do you or him any good..

talk to me on msn any time
i'll be here to listen...promis
{{{hugs}}}
l
xx

 

Thanks for the reply Lizzie.

Because I've just moved, I have a new doctor. He is nice and all, but i don't know how comfortable I feel talking about personal stuff...also I don't know how much doctors can function as councellers. I would love to have a therapist, like a holistic one that could help me spiritually as well as in emotions and life. That would be great...someone wise who could use all different kinds of methods and listen to me. But if such a person does exist, I bet they charge heaps!

I am still debating whether to tell my so-called friends in Hobart how much they upset me. Especially that one girl who said she would get me a birthday present as soon as she got money, and didn't.

I dunno I go through stages of being really worried, to being sad, to happy, to anxious, to angry...

Is anyone else out there who actually bothered to read this? I was hoping to tap into the hipforums wisdom...I know there are some wise and nice people around these boards.

 

Hi TMT, just stumbled across your post and now I'm sitting here typing like a mad woman.

Take this wonderful ((( WONDERFUL ))) opportunity and change your own self. Know this is the best time ever to make things better just for the sake of it. Without the challenges, how would you know ?

It is not about the others. It is not about birthday gifts, friends, lovers and the ex. It is not about the city. It is not about how good or bad you are in the lessons you take.

It is about you, and your desire to grow inside yourself. All the others in your life are but a reflection of where you choose to be and feel your own potential stirred most. The direction is clear.

Love who you are, and be present ... embrace this time as it is fully yours. All the rest will fall in (or out of) its place. Love is your potential ...

And it's not like - where do you belong - but like - make it so that you feel home inside yourself - more and more, and still more - so you don't get lost anywhere in this world, but the world with all its facets will ever support you with enough stimulus to change and grow.

Yeah just rambling here is a hug for you.

 

hello moving cloud,
i love this. so beautiful..
wonderful advice. i'm glad i stumbled upon it today.

& hello to the originator of the post,
thanks for sharing your story.
i read it, & i could really empathize with what you were describing.

 

ah well sweet toenail you do have a hell of alot & yea like ya said they are all knotted up into 1 great big twisted knot... except 1 thing.. ya have 1 louse stringthere thats not so bound up... thats the excersize weight thing... give that string a good ol tug & the rest will loosen enough to get your fingeres workin in deep & start to unknot the rest of the messes.. but 1st u gotta start feelin like your makin some progresses
ofcourse the excersize weight thing is really the least important thing in all reality, but its the 1 thing thats not so interconnected with everything else & is the easy 1 to work on alone, go for a 15-20 min run every morn..or night..no matter how busy or streessed about time ya get u can always find 15 min to do something to improve your life (as long as u decide to do it & stick to it)

the rest..i'd like to tackle lil more when im not 1/2 asleep..lol grab me on msn or whatever anytime..i dont mind talkin for hours..& i dont charge much..heehee..just a hug if ya make lil progress
start runnin in the morn & lets talk afternoonish

 

Life changes can be scary and at times depressing. I think I can understand your situation. I left my cozy hometown for the city and I felt the exact way you do: people didn't seem as friendly, they seem kinda shallow and plasticy, and I didn't think I would ever blend with them. What I learned is this: you may seem to not have a lot in common with these people, and that might be the complete truth, but I'm a strong believer everybody has something to offer others. Befriend these people. Sure they may not be green friendly, the music they listen to may make your ears ring, and they may spend more money on clothes then you may in a whole year YET they could make really great friends. Perhaps you can introduce them to somethings you are interested in and vise versa. Say hello to people you pass by on the street. Smile for no particular reason. People seem to be drawn to those with positive energy, so keep a good attitude, as hard as that may seem at times.

As for the bf, you spent a big chunk of your life with him. It's not unusual to not be completely over him, even if you do have a new S/O. Give it time. And if you are not completely happy in the relationship you are in, change it. Do things to make yourself feel better about yourself. Start eating healthy, treating yourself to a facial, exercise daily. Those simple things could have a huge impact on your relationships not just with your bf but everybody you share a relationship with.

Also, friends can sometimes not knowingly and sometimes knowingly treat other friends differently. It doesn't mean they don't care about you but every relationship is different. Enjoy what your friends can offer you, even if it is just their presence....you'll miss it if it ever disappears.

Anyways, *********HUGS******** hope your spirits lift soon

 

Thanks to everyone for replying...it's good to have friendly people about when one is feeling sad, lonely etc.

Moving Cloud...I want to do what you say! To take this opportunity and be excited and motivated and learn and enjoy! But that's the kind of thing I feel I can do when I already have a lot of energy and life and love. How do I do it when I feel beaten and sad like there's this well of upset inside me? How do I learn to feel at home inside me? Believe me, I want to do what you say...but I don't know how!

Sometimes I get inklings of what I could do that would help. Such as wearing certain kinds of clothes makes me feel more happy and comfortable. Smiling. Chatting with new friends. Being organised. But these tap into something greater that I'm not sure how to access!

AppleScruff and Frieden....if you are or have been through something similar...please add me to your msn if you have msn. Mine is you_cant_do_that_on_television@hotmail.com. Thqanks both so much for your posts! It's good to not feel alone...although change is so friggin' hard to deal with!!

Eagle...love your advice about the exercise. Because when I'm healthy I do feel better. I have actually been trying to knuckle down and exercise since I got here...but it's just not working. So now I'm biting the bullet and joining a gym which will help me to be more motivated.

Thanks once again for listening people.

 

howdy. i just added you to my msn. hopefully we can chat sometime. my name's melissa.

 

I am sure you will make it through all the darkness as a shining beam of light. I work in an office am on the computer pretty much all day everyday monday - friday so if you ever need someone just to lay in all onto, i'll be more then willing to listen (well read..) and try my best to help.

1. Your doctor is there to help you, this is a problem for you, it will be a problem for them. If not find a new doctor you are more at ease with.

2. I had this recommended to me for when ever you more to a new city, get a map of all the streets and a bike. Tape the map to your wall and just go for a ride, maybe you'll find a palce you like maybe you'll find a new friend mark the place on your map and try somehwhere to find some where new as much as possible. (plus this could play into your goal of exercising)

3. Maybe you would be able to concentrate better on your studies if you were studying outside. Parks? Quite area? Make a friend with a back yard? I'm sure there's probably an empty tree somewhere on campus?

4. I think it's ok to be curious about your ex's life. You were together for a large chunk of your development into who you are right now. Be his friend, keep in contact with him in that way then maybe you'll feel excited instead of anxious about his new ventures in life.

5. Honestly there has been alot of times when I have told one of my friends that when I had some money I would get them a present and never did. This was not in malice or a refelction of how I felt about that person at all. Stuff is stuff, do you really need one more silly object to ratify the friend/friendship (which dosen't sound to great in the first place)

Finally, i agree with the other posts that this could be the best opportunity of your life, reinvent your self. figure out who you are minus everyone and everything else. go and do somthing that your old friends would and could never expect you to do, or may not have fit at all into your old life. if you hate it, then hell, none of the people you're around know you and might be to preoccupied to notice anywho. or you could love it. you never know until you try.

i will you all the happiness possible.