I'm not fishing for sympathy here or anything, I just need some advice. I was married and just over 4 years ago, my daughter was born. Soon after Iona was born, my wife was traveling to North Carolina and was killed in a car accident. I don't think I've done too badly with my daughters. Given what happened to their Mum, they are doing well (the two eldest are generally well liked at school and will start university on full scholarships in August, the youngest does all the age appropriate things she's supposed to do). I started taking my youngest to playgroup about a year ago. She seems to be doing well but the people who run the group say that while she joins in and has some "people she talks to and plays with" at the group, she doesn't seem to be the "friends type." Does anyone have any advice for me that will help me encourage my daughter to make friends (or, perhaps more accurately, have a wider and deeper variety of friends)?
first off I think it's wonderful you have done so well in spite of your loss. That said you know sometimes really little kids don't interact with one another on a really close-friends level. My son is almost 4 and isn't doesn't have friends really, he prefers to play alone. My daughter is 12 and quite social,and when she was 4 she played with neighborhood kids but didn't really seem to have "friend" friends either. Now she does. the first few years of school they get really social. good luck, don't worry too much.
If she has one or two close friends, that's probably all she needs. I don't and never have had lots of friends. Two or three close friends is perfect for me. I'd be perfectly happy living out in the woods, all alone, but the rest of my family probably would not. My husband is one of those people who surrounds himself with lots of people, but it only makes me feel stretched thin. Not everyone has the same social needs. My oldest daughter is like her Daddy, a people person, everyone she meets becomes her friend. My younger child is more like me. Isn't it a wonderful world where everyone is allowed to be different! Don't try to force your child into being someone she is not. Accept who she is and she'll grow up confident in herself and successful at whatever she chooses to do. You might want to try to find a different playgroup, if one of the mother hens is causing you to question your child. I've had my share of run-ins with "one of the people who runs the group" types.
i'm sorry for your loss, you're doing a great job i say just keep going to the playgroup and maybe add in another one. it sounds as though your 4 yo is normal to me.
When my children were young, and my youngest didn't really have anyone her age to do the things she wanted to do, I put an ad up at our local co-op, inviting other home-schooled children to come visit once a week. We lived in a small mountain community, and it had a pond, and animals, and forest paths to walk, and my daughter just loved having some new friends to play with, and I met some of the local parents too.
Thanks for all that. She goes all day (well till 3pm) to her playgroup. The funniest thing happened her first day there. I stayed in the morning but had to go and do things in the afternoon. I went to say goodbye to Iona and she burst into tears. When I told her I had to go, she told me she didn't want to leave, she was busy drawing a picture.
aww, that's so sweet. you could also talk to her in general about friends or check out some kids books from the library about friends and friendship. whenever something like this comes up with my kids i always read them stories to get the discussion going peace
I don't imagine anybody's too bothered about this thread now, but the place where she goes have found her a couple of things that have got her more involved. Apparently she's an organizer. She makes up games and gets other kids involved in playing them. I thought she was bullying them at first (which would've shocked me, but they explained it badly), but no she's just telling them the rules, keeping score things like that. Secondly, I've always read to her and she's pretty good at words herself. I've piles of books of hers round the house and when we read to her, we get her to have a go at saying words by looking at the letters. Apparently she's got some memory skills too because she gets books out and "reads" to the other kids (apparently she's remembered the story word for word). If it's a book we haven't read to her, she makes a story up based on the pictures. So at least she's got something!
I'm so sorry for your loss. It appears you are doing a great job with your children. I would be upset that the womyn from the playgroup said your child isn't "the friend type." I'd probably lose it. ALL children are the "freind" type. There are a lot of play groups, as well as nursery schools, kid's classes ect, where she can meet other children. We have no young children in our neighborhood, and my youngest child Sage also had no siblings her age (she was a "caboose baby" with much older siblings) We found a really nice nursery school, that wasn't too demanding and was "Play based" which Sage loved. I found, at least in Sage's case, that she did better with other kids when I wasn't there. I don't know why. She never missed me (I stayed in the hall way for the first few classes and she adapted immediately with no problems) and integrated with the other children well, as she is also the "leader" (bossy) type, as well. In fact, when it came time to go to school, she asked not to be home schooled, because she wanted to play with other kids. We honored her request, and revisit it every semester. Look at your local Park District and at private nursery schools (DO NOT look at Day Care Center "pre-schools" as they have mostly been found lacking in about every way) as well as different classes in your area. Good luck.
Hi sorry I missed this thread you seem like a nice sound bloke. Sorry for your and your childrens loss, as for making friends I would suggest throw a party for the kiddies, you will get to meet some of the parents and have a bit of a laugh with them and the kids will get to know each other. You said she is starting elementaty, is that a first school (us brits dont have that i dont think) if it is the first school there is going to be loads of other children who will as nervous as her, they will get along fine after the first few days - teachers are trained to deal with children who arent sure where they are and havent quiet got their bearings yet! Its normally best to be thrown in at the deep end and try and dig yourself out in my opinion, sounds harsh but believe me it will help in the future x
WOW Portsmouth UK? Great shithole here now - but the summer is coming so the fun begins and the saliours multiply lol Primary school thats a big step for both of you, it will be fine though, kids get scared everyday, and starting school is scarey - but only for a little while, then the fun starts x
firstly as said do not judge yourself you are doing well you are now mum and dad remember this .... let your children come out of their skins when they are ready all children are different really, dont force anything with friends maybe your children need themselves for awhile ,even you are enough for now... why not plan a picnic invite someone close from the playgroup and let your children grow from this surprise. every child has to venture in to the world some run some walk some hide for awhile..this is no problem you will find a deeper understanding flows from your children because of such a lose..about life. so give them time .friends are not always needed to be honest , maybe this is the case. the warmth at home the love you give the time you spend allows them to be more open in the end.... one other thought YOU dont forget yourself how you need to interact in this world also share your fears and desires with your children each day..its all part of growing and living now... good luck lovenpeace from saff ps...the path you fear may never happen so look to your children let them help you also..
Thanks for that. It's rather funny I think she's found a sort of niche in the playgroup. She's the group organizer and reader. She acts as a sort of umpire for some of the games they play. In addition, there are some books (Richard Scarry, Dr. Seuss, the Mr. Men books for example) that she has me read to her a lot, so much so that she can remember the words even though she can't read some of them. The other kids have started bringing her books to read to them, which she does. I'm not sure that's always a good thing, but the organizer says it's helping her join in more.
