How much "together time" is appropriate in an intimate relationship that mutually lacks formal commitment? I've become pretty good at the friendship-with-benefits thing ... from what I've gathered, the key is to keep an emotional distance and never ask for anything, to maintain a certain aloofness and laissez faire, yet be perpetually available. But I recently met a really nice guy who is extremely considerate AND wants to spend a good deal of time with me. Although I really kind of bask in the spontaneous and frequent affection, I'm not sure how much is too much. (I am also not sure if he feels bad because I have sex with him without asking anything in return ... and maybe he thinks he has to return the favor by being nice to me?) I don't want him to get bored of me, or vice versa ... but at the same time, I wouldn't want to tell him to scram -- because I like the company, and there is no reason not to spend time together other than the familiarity-breeds-boredom thing. So should I just keep enjoying his presence and taking it for face value ... or should I put a little preemptive space between us?
hard to say. my initial reaction is ... just keep it going... go with the flow... its probable that it will build and grow and morph into somethign else in its own time. <3
Why are you afraid you'll get bored of each other? Just because you spend time together doesn't mean you'll run out of things to talk about. If you enjoy each other's company (with or without sex) than continue to enjoy the company. If you're getting bored of him, take a few weekends to "hang with the girls" or visit your family or something. If you're still bored when you get back, you'll know what to do. Maybe I'm just confused by the question. It just seems to me that if you are asking it you already know the answer.
Suncatch - maybe he really likes you for being you, and wants to be with you for all you are, and not jst the sex. Trust him, at least for a little while.
if you intend to not actually get emotionally involved, don't lead the guy on. you'll just end up hurting him. and that always sucks
Nobody's leading anyone else on. I always do analyze things way too much, because I DON'T want anyone to get hurt -- especially the other person, which might sound facetious but is the honest reality. A few times when I've "gone with the flow", it's ended up in disaster. But knock on wood, this seems to work out. We can be around each other almost all the time and when we don't feel like interacting, we just do other things (for example, he can sit on the bed and play a computer game, and I can sit on the floor and read). So I guess this one sort of solved itself, in a sense. Thanks though ... sometimes I need reminders to just trust.
