Marriage...??

I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe in forever. I am a pure romantic... I am a hairdresser, and one very old couple used to come in all the time to my salon. The lady would get her hair done while the man went off and did whatever he wanted for awhile. When he came back, he would always ask "have you seen my lover?" They had been married over 50 years, and he still called her his lover. I want my husband to think of me like that when we are that age. I always want to be his lover, his best friend, and his wife. When I said "I do", it was the most important day of my life. It meant for me that I was planning to spend the rest of my life with this man. I think alot of people nowdays take marriage too lightly. When they have a word (starter marriage) to define first, short term marriages, something has veered from what marriage was meant to be. I know you don't have to have a piece of paper to love each other, and I am not putting down anyone who chooses not to marry, but for me that piece of paper meant I was making a commitment to devote my life to the one I love. It meant that a fight wasn't going to make me leave, and I would work hard to keep it together no matter what... Love isn't a feeling, its an action, and to me marriage was part of the action of love.

 

I'm not cynical about marriage as such, I think I'm more cynical about love and whether it can be strong enough to last forever and ever..

 

My boyfriend and I plan to have an "alternative" wedding. While we believe well be together forever and that its a lovely idea to share that love with friends and family, have rings as symbols of that eternal love and have a bit of a party, we dont like the idea of it being about signing papers, or "making it legal". We ALREADY share absolutely everything, whats his is mine and mine is his, its been that way since we got together...

This way it seems more meaningful. The purpose is solely to have fun and to show our love to people who care. Well write our own vows etc
Also were not christian or any recognised religion, so a more "conventional" wedding doesnt seem quite right for us

 

Yes! I don't believe in divorce though, especially if kids are involved (unless someone in the relationship cheats, is abusive or has an ongoing addiction that counseling/supportiveness/time won't help) so I would have to be damn sure before I got married.
I look at my grandparents and they don't get along very well, but they are still so attracted to each other and they can't keep their hands off each other and they're in their 70's.

 

When I was in my 20s one of the things
I used to say is "I will never get divorced"

Oh how we change....live and learn...

I have had two (so far)...

*sigh*

 

Lol. Interesting. Isn't it funny how we all pretend our future is in complete control? Especially the more factors out of our control our future involves (like partners, who have a contradictory and complex life of their own to live)...

But, hey, marriage does indeed take a lot of faith. If it wasn't for a healthy dose of self-delusion no one would ever marry whomsoever.

 

hahaha...

never thought I would end up with SO
much egg on my face....

I much prefer being an older wiser woman
than a silly "know it all" younger one...

lol

 

The bad thing is most marriages will go through at least one of these problems.

 

Yeah, but we always run the risk of becoming older "know it alls", don't we. That's when we look up to the younguns, in their self-delusion there is an ancient wisdom...even skepticism has its limitations. In every folly, a wisdom.

 

That is true...if ego allows us!!

Ancient wisdom in self delusion..I like that...

Do you consider yourself a young or old un

lol?

 

Here is what I consider myself: NOTHING AT ALL, AND EVERYTHING.

 

imo having two divorces means your hard to get along with or don't make good choices in men-not that you're older and wiser...just older

 

Uh, can you spell "young-know-it-all" ?

P.S. my apology is on-going. lol

 

I never claim to 'know it all'. I am just really sick of older bitter people coming down on me becuase I'm not as tainted and jaded.

 

Bella, just take this into consideration if you will: you have yet to be successfully married...

Long duration marriages involve much much more than simply "making good choices" or being affable.

I've been in a 3-year relationship with someone whom I still love deeply. It wasn't my fault that it ended, it wasn't her fault. It was a dynamic... It was a difference in communication styles and personalities which only now, almost 6 months after we broke up I am beginning to understand.

That is just how complex human relationships are.

With all due respect, I know you've also been struggling with partners from your posts, and it seems to me you're trying to tell yourself a pie-in-the-sky story.

Hopefully, you'll understand: this post does not mean I'm angry or picking on you. I'm responding to ideas, not egos.

 

I know what your talking about. i simply refuse to be in complex realtionships anymore. They're rather maschonistic and cold. It's simple. You either want one another and are going to make it work or your not. If it's meant to be it's clear and there are NO grey areas reagrding feelings or interpretations of intent.

 

I once believed sharing your body with someone else was the most incredible gift you could give someone and should only be given to one person. lol After my first girlfriend and I broke up I tried for 3 years to get back with her because I believed you should only be with one other person. I wasted 3 years of my life! I am now trying my very best to keep my marriage from ending. 10 years we have been married. I found out she was having an affair 11 months ago and at that time she admitted cheating on me after 2 years of marriage(one night stand) the affair this past year lasted 2 months before I found out.


I read everything I could about affairs and failling relationships because we had a great marriage with three amazing kids and she had no answer for her action other than she was not expecting it to become what it did.

SO from what I read is that a marriage in todays society is failed before it starts. To much is taken for granted and the expectations are unrealistic. Most kids are raised by daycares and sitters not co-parents. We need to teach our kids about honor and truth. It is NOT ok to have an affair. If you watch ANY major tv show, affairs and lack of "family values" are in almost every episode, its like they glorify how fun it can be. They are shown that it is the normal thing to do. I think this is just sad.

What I tell people about life long relationships is that you have to know the love will fail, the lust will die, and others will attempt to destroy what you have throughout the life of your relationship. The key is you most be true friends and care more about you companionship than your own pride. A true friend forgives and changes with your changes. If your relationship is based on the actions of your partner and how much they "love" you it is bound to fail. I am staying with my wife because we have a relationship that involves our goals in life and the ideals of raising children together plus we have so much fun when we are together(we just click).

But what do I know.

 

Yes I am older

and maybe a little wiser...??

Having two divorces as well as heartbreaking is
the result of marrying for the wrong reasons....

And now I am wiser.....I would reconsider.........
my motives in any future decisions

 

p.s.

I take it I am on the list of being
an older and bitter one.....lol.....

not so at all.....just a little more
aware of myself, one might say

You arent a Leo by any chance are you?
I saw the word 'EGO" mentioned?

 

Annie summed it up, but I have to add that not all marriages are on paper. Even the dictionary recognizes marriage as "any close or intimate association or union" not just one deemed "legal" or one sanctioned by the church (whatever faith). So I would say that marriage does exist in my mind, just as a state of being, not as a state of societal infliction.

Peace