My damn in-laws have been horrific since having this baby. They don't want give me a days or a moments peace to bond with my baby or fall into any kind of routine. They were in my hospital room all hours of the day, uninvited, and they also showed up uninvited every day at my home. This WAS the first week where I have had some peace, thanks to my husband telling his mother we need some time - Unfortunatly all they were willing to give us was a few days cause they're calling my phone today telling me they're going to be here early afternoon before traffic gets bad (they don't want to be inconvienenced by traffic, i guess). They intruded in the hospital when I was trying to learn to breastfeed - how comfortable would you be with your inlaws watching you fumble all over your breasts those first days of breastfeeding? They come uninvited to my home, eat my food, dirty my dishes, disrupt my breastfeeding, disrupt baby's naps, follow me into the baby's room when I wanted some peace and quiet to breastfeed, and do NOTHING to help clean up the food or dishes mess they made while here. They think that I had this baby for their entertainment and haven't given me a chance to be alone and bond with baby at all. We've tried to explain what we want to them, but they won't even listen to that. These are people that before the baby we didn't hear from except at holidays and now they want to act like we're bosom buddies. None of them had even been to our home (we've lived here for years) before the baby, and since they've practically moved in - minus the share of the housework, of course. Guess I just needed to rant. I'm sure many new mothers go through this. I hate to get bitchy to these people that I barely know, especially since it's my husbands family, but I have no idea what to do...
you know, we had a sorta similar experience after M was born. People came over, but nobody helped us out. I was made to feel like I couldn't be comfy bfing in my own home. It was madness. What we should have done, and what you should do is put your foot down. When they call, say "Well, oh darn! I won't be here. The baby and I are going ________ with a friend." Keep your doors locked, have a message on your voice mail that explains you want peace and quiet. It's your flippin baby moon! You have to have your peace. This isn't their child or their post-partum experience. It's yours! And have your hubby put HIS foot down, so you don't have to. *hugs* I hope your babymoon gets better, Sera!
It's a valid rant and if you haven't shared this with your hubby, then maybe you should. Don't candy coat it for him. This is YOUR babymoon. Lock the doors, unplug the phones, set booby traps if needs be. Just keep those people away for a while.
You could always move to a different country... I have found it is really effective in keeping crazy MILs at bay. Quit being nice about it... tell them to bugger off. Its your baby, your life, your home. Apparently they can't take a hint or even a suggestion, so be blunt. Tell them to go away until further notice. Or, get your hubby to say it as it might be better coming from him.
LOL icedtea! If only we could all do that! It wasn't so much ym inlaws that made life hell for us, it was my own mom. But the MIL had her own short commings, too. Everyone always has something to say about the way you choose to do something. If you don't do it their way, it's such an insult! Seriously, you HAVE to put your foot down. I don't think I did enough with my mom and I'm still defending why her house wasn't cleaned top to bottom by the time she came home for work (dh and I lived with her for the first year of Leane's life). The MIL on the other hand, I would really get flustered over her comments all the time, but after I finally stood up to her, she backed off. This is your family, your baby, and your babymoon. This is one of the most important times for you and your baby to get to know eachother. The last thing you need is dirty, pushy in laws in your face all the time. Tell them that you just need a break and some time alone to get aquainted with your baby UNINTERUPTED! If they get offended, so what. They'll get over it. This time is too important for them to come in and enjoy the "show."
My husband is being less than empathetic. He thinks its a sign of post partum depression that I want this time with my baby. He keeps bothering me to give him an exact time-frame for when I'll want to start having company over again. An "I'm not sure" isn't working for him. And now his mother is getting onto him about getting baby started on a bottle. She has brought it up multple times with both him and I and it is starting to piss me off. Is there any websites or anything that explain these babymoons, or a mother's need for alone time with her baby that I can refer over to my husband? He just wants to google postpartum depression and say, "see, you aren't sleeping much and you're irratable, those are signs of postpartum! So is wanting isolation from other people!" He easily forgets that all I've had is company practially every day since the baby arrived. Of course, this just makes me more irratable and doesn't bode well in changing his mind on the postpartum depression matter. Like if I don't want to see my MIL there must be something wrong with me!
Goodness gracious! I can imagine how you must feel. I wish I had some info to send your way... I'll look for you. But in the meantime, I'd make a deal with him. You've been doing it his way for three weeks, and now you want to do it your way for three weeks. Explain to him that you sleeplessness and irritability extend directly from not getting to bond with YOUR baby, and that he'll see those symptoms of "depression" ease up when you get what you need... Alone time with your baby. Hell, I'd certainly be depressed if my in-laws took over my household and my time with my own brand new baby, and my husband was being a piss ant about supporting me. Three weeks is reasonable... They've had three weeks with that baby, and that's how much you want. And your "depression" will get better, proving your point. When the three weeks is up, you'll start talking about SCHEDULING visits with the in-laws. Like they can visit every other tuesday or something. As for starting your baby on a bottle... Honey, you're gonna have to get hateful on that one. Tell her, and your husband for that matter, that you refuse to hear one more word about it. Breastfeeding is healthy and natural, and it's your right as a mother to make that choice for your baby. Tell them the cold hard truth, slap 'em in the face... That by continually bringing up the subject(or not doing what's necessary to support you) they are being selfish and disrespectful of your new motherhood, and that you are offended, and in the case of MIL, if she wishes to continue seeing her grandchild, she needs to keep her opionions regarding the matter to herself, and that you would ask for advice if you needed it.
Here is an article, with advice from women about their experiences, and thier want for alone time with their babies. http://www.babycenter.com/dilemma/pregnancy/newbornprep/1242716.html Another one, this one dealing more with what women had to do to keep their in-laws at bay. http://www.babycenter.com/dilemma/pregnancy/pregnancysex/1318188.html More of the same... http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/pregnancy/grandma.html http://www.medhelp.org/forums/WomensHealth/messages/3614.html http://theboard.byu.edu/?area=viewall&id=33183 These don't exactly cover the need of a babymoon, but as your husband will surely see, there are HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of cases exactly like yours. Certainly not ALL of these mommas are depressed. If wanting alone time with the new baby is such a common theme among SO MANY women, then how can he possibly deny you that? Hope it helps! Best of luck!
Most jobs give you six weeks off work because you need time to recover from the birth and you need the bonding time with your baby. Take the time you need and don't let anyone bully you out of it, DH or MIL. It is not Post partum depression or anything like that. It is taking car of yourself and your baby. Mothers used to stay in bed for the first six weeks. You should be doing nothing but relaxing in a comfortable chair with a cup of tea and baby at your breast. Tell your MIL that you want to be able to breastfeed your baby for a long time because that is best for the baby and best for you. Giving baby a bottle at this young age can undermine your breastfeeding efforts. My third son never had a bottle at all. There is no need for it. When he was in the hospital after brain surgery at 7 weeks old they tried every kind of bottle they made to get him to drink a bit of water. He couldn't figure out how to use any of them. They finally just let me feed him. He went straight from the breast to a sippy cup. Yes, grandparents want to spend time with their grandchildren. But mommy and daddy get the time first. She'll just have to wait in line for a while. And DH needs to get his priorities straight. your needs and your baby'sneeds come before his mother's. Happy Babymoon. Kathi
