The three scars of my existence

In chronological order:


1) when I first discovered sexual desire;

2) when I realized my existence was devoid of blueprint or a final goal and I had to arbitrarily set my own priorities not because of the end-result (which is impermanent) but due to joy in the process of pursuing those priorities;

3) when I first discovered the necessity to work/lust to rule (which is to say, suffering);

What are yours?

 

three scars of existence..........three things from being human and of human existence which have permanetly marked me......realising the following:

1 the momentary/temporary nature of human experiences

2 the ambiguites and ambivelance of that which is "true"

3 that human achievements are limited and that there is a danger in exceeding them




all three are subject to future change..

 

Good ones! All the three scars you mention I sort of lump in my #2 scar.

P.S. I just noticed that my three categories are all related to my being exposed to the 3 most important writers in my life: Freud, Nietzsche, Karl Marx. Those Germans are something else...

 

I thought you meant fate or life as something as preordained by your second scar.


I like this thread....got me thinking. Its funny, I had already experienced my scars but never really realised it until I studied certain plays and works of ficition. I know thats random....but they helped me recognise what I was feeling and why those feelings were so bothersome and unsettling.

 

Wow... that's deep... I don't think I've really have thought about it. I think I'd have to say...

1) My first real relationship.

2)My father.

3)Not being able to drive untill I was 21.

I'm sure there's more but I really can't think of them right now... and that's kinda depressing.

 

the scars of my existence? i'm not sure i go along with that whole perspective.

but i suppose if you mean things that have haunted me and perhapse by doing so may have prevented better decisions that would have led to accomplishing more of what i might like to have, i guess i'd have to say first of all

having been born into a body with too small a brain capacity to hold all that i might have been in my previous existences.

having been born, not only to the parents to whom i was, but even more in the culture and country that surrounded and shaped them.

i'm afraid i don't see the sense in calling what was listed in the op "scars"

there was an incident that was done to me when i was in gradeschool, that sort of illustrates how political proccessees work, that, along with certain things about my parents, it is unlikely they ever realized about themselves, that have left me essentialy unable to trust 'social nature'. (for the rest of this life ever since then)

=^^=
.../\...

 

By scars I mean traumatic (it could actually be "good") realizations or experiences that changed your life --- brought a nauseating feeling of helplessness in facing that change...


Or something sudden, unavoidable, decisive, violent, indelible: a rupture with the idyllic past and the rosy hue of your memories --- like popping a virgin girl's cherry --- and BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're no longer the same. And that change sticks to your pores, it clogs them...it leaves you not.

Actually, I should have added, turning 30...what the fuck was I thinking?

I turned thirty and now all I think about are reasons not to commit suicide. To paraphrase Cendrars: I am thirty. The age I had reserved for suicide [of course, Mishima chose 33 for his haiku (?) but that's a wimpy cop out]...that was when I believed in the genius of youth, before I went on to believe in nothing at all.

Everything is tougher these days, the sex (ever more perverse and idiosyncratic), the laundry, the shower, the money, the friends and family, the sleeping patterns, the looks, the works, the leisure...diminished returns to give it a blunt economic analogy. Pure angst.

But at the same time I also feel more comfortable in my own skin (still a nauseating nothingness separates me from the cold and indifferent outer world but that's also exciting --- it makes me horny) and I'm more independent...I could give a fuck about anything other than following my nose. Even reason, which was once a bedrock, is no longer my friend.

All I have is my big, wart-ridden, beautiful nose...it points the direction and I go without thought, lest I be a coward or a lazy fat bum.

So, turning 30, even though I'm shrewder and more authentic than ever (hell, even madness scares me no longer), is my 4th scar.

Scars is the correct terminology for, as Galiani says, 'it's not a matter of curing one's ailments, but of learning how to live with them.'

 

I meant the absence of fate, although I live by the motto "amor fati" --- which is probably best translated as "the love for what is."

Then there is l'amour-propre, which are connected ideas.

 

Methinks with the 3rd scar I shed the idealist skin of my teenagehood and came to the conclusion that what I thought was political was in fact existential, and thereby unavoidable. What a shocker!

From that point on there is no other route to take for me than to learn how to love STRUGGLE.

 

That makes me feel just a little more depressed than I already am. The only redeeming point is that you feel "shrewder and more authentic." That's not so bad.

 

when i was a child i was bossy and a know it all and i took pride in my intelligence by holding it over others...when i changed into a more loving and accepting person that would one scar...

in high school when i faced depression and coming to terms with the bi-polar that is in my family that would probably be scar two...

this exact moment in time, where i am aware and conscious, or at least i perceive myself to be...this is my third scar

i have actually had many more than three, and will have even more before this whole thing is over
the scars are life, we heal, we remember, we learn
my existence is made better by knowing pain and indifference to pain..it allows me to appreciate the good

every day i learn new things, adding new scars..i am grateful to be able to do so

 

My existence is obscured by its numerous scars.

 

Depression itself is yet another scar, but I've only allowed myself three...funny thing is, I'm no longer scared of depression. To a certain extent I've mastered it by not wishing to escape it. By playing a staring game with it, much like two young hoodlums stare at each other unflinchingly prior to the first blow.

 

1. that value and meaning are totally subjective and ambiguous, and anyway no one ever truly knows anything (at least outside of themselves, and even that is debatable).

2. that the only way to be truly free is to disconnect from possession or desire, but that neutrality can get boring fast.

 

Im not really scared of depression either. Its become a word or even a concept I use to describe something Ive had for a while, that has no other word to be labelled with. It would feel really odd to be in a content and harmonious existance, because thats exactly what I dont have. I think its what I want now; I cant (and wont) stay within the comfort of something as self-destructive as "depression."

 

You're a cutie. How about these words by Cendrars (I paraphrase)?

We no longer want to be sad
Being sad is too convenient
We no longer want to be sad

 

Reminds me of Sophocles....better the old known pain, with the old known remedies (he never actually said that, but a paraphrased thought from one of his plays)

I know that it is the easy way out to stay in your "sadness", but you need the desire, a conviction to put yourself in a better state, to get yourself out of whatever it is you're in, no matter how bad it is.


















I was complaining that RT was lacking good threads. Way to prove me wrong just as I was thinking it.

 

In Nietzschean terms, "the lust to rule." Action is a kind of violence, and depression is a masochistic impulse or Freud's "death instinct" --- take your pick.

 

It would not have been much of a choice, that is until recently. Now, I understand and I suppose "desire" what Nietzsche is saying. Not so much rule but action, yes.

 

What do you define as desire?
Right now I must admit, as I did to Bella earlier (I happen to love her
), I'm drunk and I'm hard...all related to the topic at hand of course...