how do your repair burned bridges?

espeically if you're the only one it seems that wants to....
i'm trying to make new friends and move on and chin up all that jazz but..sometimes i just get so depressed when i think of how many people i have lost....or at least it feels like i've lost...
i am a social person, i need to be around people ... but i seem to have pushed away all my friends....i am sorry for the person i was...but i'm not sorry for the person i have become....
i want to try and make my friends see that i've changed but they won't let me...
i've done alot of stupid shit, and i'm sure i'll do more before the show's over...
mainly i just needed to type this out...i really don't know at this point....i'm really sick of everything....

 

all you can relaly do is tell them how you feel, speak from the haert. either theyre a bigt enough persont o frogive you or they arent.

 

I don't have any friends, that helps.

 

How long since those bridges were burned?

 

Why am I not suprised?

 

As they say: You can change but don't expect others to throw roses at your feet.


Sometimes you just have to learn and move on. Try not to repeat the same mistakes. Appolgize and wait to see what comes of it.

 

I know how you feel bevause i feel the same way. I'm not the person who i was 6 months ago, i'm not the person that i have been a year ago, but everyone acts like i'm still the same, like i'm never going to change, and i just want to runaway, to start over, cause now i know how.
I'm thinking to theke this to another step: fuck everybody and just do your own thing. If people put me down for the thing that i have done in the past and not let me show them that i've changed, than i will find new people hwo will apriciete me for who i am and let me be myself.

 

thats mean!

 

one of the main problems is i really don't know why people seem to be avoiding me...of course everyone is be cordial but nothing other than a "hey, hows it going, good" type bullshit convos...
i really have trouble reading people, and understanding what's going on...obviously i can't read their minds, but i can't read anything else either...
i'm just so fucking oblivious to what their problem is and they won't tell me what i've done wrong...how can i fix it if i have no idea what it is i need to fix...
i've just pretty much given up, i'm not going to spend my life saying i'm sorry, my problem is i've said i'm sorry already too many times...i'm going to move on..but moving on is a hard thing to do when i really would love for things to stay the same...
embracing the fear of a death of a time period in my life is a hard thing for me to do and it's something i need to do in order to grow as a person
i appreciate everyones responces, i understand alot of what i'm writing is coded..i'm just trying to working things out for myself and i do that best through writing
thanks though~much love~

 

HMM. just take some time when you are in a public setting, when things are slow, and key in on how people react to what you do, since things are slow it will be easier to do. make mental notes of what you did and what reactions you got in response to said actions.

I find that sitting on a park bench in the city and watching people walk by, going about their daily life is interesting..wondering and trying to guess what they are up to, what their relations are to people they confront. It is good practice for reading people.

 

I actually saw a man standing on the sidewalk, holding a sige saying, "Free Hugs". You would NEVER believe how many, young, old, fat, skinny, even an "almost pro" skate boarder ran to him for a hug. Some people go through years without even being touched by another human. Even a hug. I even ran for a hug, while my husband just smiled, he is bizarre in that way only. We need contact with each other. Even a pen-pal. Just to know somewhere, at sometime, thinks about you with warm feelings and doesn't think you're bizarre at all. ((((((hug))))))

P.S. Monosphere, why did you say you were not surprised by no friends? We have all been judged unfairly or fairly, depending on how it looks to you. You CAN repair broken bridges. It is very hard and may never be the same, but as you grow older, even horrible grief, and that is something I know alot about , is horrendous. I know it sounds trite when people say "it'll get a bit better everyday". You just learn to live your life differently,the way the person's you've lost or "burned bridges". Just don't try and make friends where there isn't anymore chances. You are probably really wonderful.

 

Actions speak volumes, so its not just about what you say, but more about what you do. If I have a friend that says one thing, but does another they don't tend to stay my friend for long. Like saying "I'm sorry" and doing the same thing again....you're only sorry if you don't do it again.

As far as mending fences, you may not be able to. However you can make new friends and throughout your life you are sure to. So, why not concentrate on making new friends that don't have a negative view of you because mistakes you made in the past. Life is entirely too short to keep looking back at the past and trying to fix it.

 

My initial response was to the guy who I quoted, as he had been nothing but belittling and insulting in almost each and every post. It had nothing to do with the original poster at all, who sounds like a decent person. I know my response was probably in bad taste, but I saw it at a point where he was pissing me off. I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry if anyone thought I was referring to indian~summer.

To be fair, I went through a similar phase as indian~summer and am no longer speaking to those whom I had considered friends back when I was 19. I don't know if it's a transitional phase that one goes through when they graduate and start living seperate lives, or if it was just me pissing ppl off or vice versa. Hell, it was probably a bit of everything. I did come into contact with a few of my old friends recently. One of them, whom I had cut off contact, had married, had a few kids, and seemed to be in a better place. But the dread that he would turn back to his old ways made me hesitate as to whether or not to keep in contact with him. Some boundaries were crossed and I just couldn't bring myself to trust him enough to have him come back into my life, especially since I had a baby on the way and was feeling rather protective.

What I'm getting at is even though you might want to rekindle old friendships, sometimes it's just not easy if someone had been hurt in the past. You mention you didn't like who you were, but you're in a better place now. To that I say Congratulations and well done. But that's easy for me to say as I have not known you prior to your changes. I had to say goodbye to a period of time in my life. It was very hard to do, but I find that I'm better for it.

I agree with the poster before me and say that you should try to focus on some new friends for the moment. My wife came here from Missouri and her only friends were through me. She wanted some to call her own, which I totally understood. She's now part of a "Stitch and Bitch" group that meets every Thursday night as well as signing up for some dance classes. That way she has people to talk to who have a similar interest which could lead to stronger friendships. Is this a possibility for you? And who knows? After a bit of time, go ahead and get in touch with a few of your earlier friends. Maybe after enough time has passed, you can patch things up with a few of them.

 

if you really want to kiss and make up, go to the person with hat in hand and tell them what you think and that you sorry