Of my previous three boyfriends (if you can call them that) #1 got pissed when I wouldn't have sex with him, so, when I met #2, I had sex with him but asked him to care about me. He got angry that I wanted to care him, so when I met #3, I had sex with him but never expected him to care about me at all. He is now angry that I had sex with him but didn't expect him to care about me. I know and acknowledge my personal fault and responsibility here, yet in each case (there are more specifics but I won't go into them because the post would be too long), I only gave them what they wanted, and now they fault me for it. I'm not complaining, just wondering: Are all men like that (in that they don't want to be denied but don't want to get what they want either), or is it just me?
I think your problem is that you assume every guy wants the same thing. Therefore, you fuck up your relationships and miss out on something that COULD be good....because you remember what SOMEONE ELSE wanted.
That is good. Plus, when you're dealing with another, there is no reason to assume. When all you have to do is ask.
You need communication with the guy, not all men are the same nore do they want the same thing as every other male.
it is my experience with men that you should wait to sleep with them, to feel them out so you know what kind of man they are (or human being, not to be sexists), and what they may mean to you later. That can be hard, I know. I went 3 years without sex b/c I didn't like anyone I met, in that way, but as soon as I met my current boyfriend I was in his bed quicker than he could take my clothes off!! but I got lucky this last time, and 2 years later, with some problems along the way, we are strong and for the most part, happy. But apart from this lucky occurance, I've noticed men either think it's only ass if you throw it their way that quickly (even if you care for them) or.... well nevermind, thats all I've ever experienced. Not to say their all the same... just many fall into this category. My point is, though I wasn't good at demonstrating it, is that its best to wait and feel them out on a deeper level before getting into simple shit like sex, just so you know what to expect. I know I'm a hypocrite, but I do wish I would of learned how to do what I currently preach. I would of had alot less heartbreak
Well, the part that I didn't mention for fear of making the thread too long, is that I DID communicate with each of them beforehand, I DID get to know each of them, and ended up doing only exactly what they wanted. Number One said he didn't want to sleep with me because he liked me too much. (Confusing, but okay.) He changed his mind fast when he was insanely drunk, though. Number Two said he wanted to have a relationship with me. He changed his mind when, after a month, we had sex. Then he just wanted the sex. Number Three said he wanted a rebound, mostly just mutual comfort and friendship without attachment. He changed his mind after we had sex every day for a month ... then he told me I was a slut because I gave it up so easily. The thing is, I'm pretty easygoing, I can adjust to a lot of situations. I only get hurt and confused when this all turns out to be a lie, because I don't understand why people feel the need to lie to someone who will accept anything they throw my way.
Well, maybe they are not lying but confused themselves! All the situations out there, it seems to me you didn't allow yourself a say. Guy switches his mind, you go right along with him. What do YOU want? Personally, I think #1 is just stupid. Forgive my forwardness. If you like someone affectionately, you're going to have sex. Grow up. #2 is also moronic, again forgive me, because you shouldn't determine whether you want a relationship with someone prior to having sex. This ain't the 19th century or some arranged marriage country. #3 seems to be afflicted by the virgin-whore complex. Assnine. Don't bother. What kind of relationship do YOU want? That's what I want to know. If you're able to establish that, then cut the guys off who want something other than that. Ultimately, that is the secret to healing your wounds, I think, Suncatch. I don't have all the answers, and I might be wrong. But I think if you depart from a firm commitment to the kind of interaction you want with men, and reject those who want something else, you'll be hurt much less. Of course, being hurt is part of the process. But let me stop here before I again spiral into dialectics...lol!
Well as a guy I would say guy #1 was drunk so perhaps a good idea would have been to wait till he was sober, after all what you did was actually date rape, he was under the influence of alcohol thus unable to make a correct choice. guy #2 seems really a dickhead, gets the sex then wants to be able just to have it and give nothing in return, sadly some guys are that way. guy#3 is the worst of all. He actually just wanted to bag ya and then when you thought to get close he was a prick and made you feel bad for being a friend. Stop trying to please others, let them please you, let them work for your love not you thiers.
my understanding is that daterape from alcohol only occurs when the person is too drunk to make any decisions for themselves, ie fah-reaking drunk. suncatch didnt say how drunk this guy was, just that he had some alcohol, enough ot change his behavioru but not necessarily enough to construe daterape dearie... or at least, not from my understanding of it
what kind of guys are you dating they sound like jerks, i have dated a few of them in the past 6 months partly cos i only wanted sex too so it suited me fine, but once you find someone whos right for you, it will be more about the needs of both of you & less about what he wants,
i think you may view guys as some sort of tool. guy #1 #2 #3... they are all the same guy with different numbers. what exactly do you want? did you seek that before you decided to try them? do you know what you want? so... you slept with a guy to get what you want? it is a quick way to get things that dont last. kinda like smoking crack. you can get high real quick but it wont last and cause you to crash. it will be problematic. so, learn that every guy is different and look for one compatible with you. idealy, he should meet your needs and you should meet his; but know this before you commit to it. if your not feeling it, quick sex wont fix it. if it isnt there, end it without hurting yourself. unless you like to sleep with everyone you kiss. you dont seem like that type though.
