and im not good at anything but shit people arnt supposed to be good at..... or shit that wont ever help me in life..... im bored with everything i do before and after i do it.....reguardless what it is im playing football this year (8th year...and i AM good)....though i hate watching and participation in the game i have absolutely 0 motivation for anything i do...... im depersonalised (err...depersonalization) as a result of too much philosophy, and philosophical digging....to the point that its severely affecting my physical self (hot, cold, bright, dark...ect...) and it just dosnt seem like anything but my family matters to me any more....... im not going to kill myself....... unless my mom dies before i have something else to live for........ the drug cops and other suspicious/overconcearned/nosey/ at my school and other places probably read all the shit i say on here even though they have no reason or motive to do so....... i hear people sneaking and around on my roof in the middle of the night, though its impossible to see up their, let alone climb up, although you probably could..... and last but not least.....the grand finally..... i have verry little hope for my future.... + i cant spell or spoke good:nopity:
ps..... i rant my problems here and at grouphug.com because i probably cant afford, and dont know how to go about finding a psychiatrist.....and if i did, i probably wouldnt go see one anyways...... i kinda feel like im beyond anyones help....... also, i double posted...... please dont ban me 8/
Well there is some good news, you're very good at putting yourself down, and seem quite motivated at feeling depressed. see you are good at something :H Now you just need to expand upon your new found gifts. If you look hard enough you'll discover your lifes calling Hotwater
Hey, dude. I think I know what you mean - it just sounds like a common case of depression. Everybody has gone through it at sometime in their lives; but if you really want to get out of it, you will. One good way to start would be to quit beating up on yourself; start listing GOOD things about yourself. There has to be something about yourself that you like - you just need to apply the same psychology towards hope, rather than hopelessness. And honestly, I think you're mainly just worrying too much. You're correct when you say that you dig too deeply. Just try, for one day, to let go of your worries and just live... and if it's not worth it, then you go back to beating up on yourself. How does that sound?
Everyone has a special gift.. You just need to find yours. You may not realize at this exact moment as to what it is... but you will one day. Dont shut the world off, there are plenty of things out there you can do. If football bores you find something else. Try new things and who knows you might discover a passion. You are what you believe you are. I honestly hope you feel better. Best of wishes.
