Not really a women's issue but couldnt find anywhere else to post. my thoughts are so scattered that I dont even know what is it that I want to say. Let's just say you meet an amazing person and you fall in love but you are in a moment in your life where you are not even sure where is that you are and who you are and what you want and there is this great thing and wao it feels so good but the place you are in, not so great and the person who you are being not so great either, so as you warned them the first day you talked.. with a speech of how dysfunctional and unstable you are and all the reasons he shouldnt love you.. but he does and you do too, in a very twisted way because that's what you are and you fuck up as expected and hurt an amazing person and they stay there and there are so many mixed emotions there you dont know how to feel and next week being the way you are, you fuck up again or you want to believe that because it's easier and he's still there and you dont understand why and you cant feel anything and you dont want him to love you because you are just too horrible.. so you end things and hurt him once again, after he was always there for you and you are just numb and in a neutral stare where everything likes to pretend that is good but you didnt know any other way to deal with the things that happened.. and surpringsily you decided to change for you, because you know that the problem is who you are and you become great but is too late and all you have is regret and... you are so much better but why did it have to be so late and now he's with someone else and im really happy for him because i love him I just wish I wouldnt have been so complicated.
wow, I'm not the only one?! It's a very common thing I think to discredit ourselves and find someone who really loves us enough that minute things like where we are in life isn't everything and gee, we all are growing and things aren't always as grand as we think they should be..For me, I've done this before, where I know I am just an amazing and beautiful person, but the place I'm at in life is not what it should be..that's life, it's good to have a belief in our beauty, so we can make ourselves better and better all the time, yes, I have done this exact thing and I guess the time wasn't right for me b/c I let myself get so stuck on my low self esteem and he was wonderful and we fell in love, for a while, until it was just too much and i felt I needed to grow up a bit..and in the meantime, I have found a very great boyfriend who has really shown me that he loves me and ALL of my growth. Sorry if I am on a soapbox here, I just want you to know that you're not the only one and .. maybe it just wasn't the time. who knows, but you sound pretty smart to me. go with that.
