I am a sensitive person, a very kind and caring person who usually only carries love inside. But occassionally my boyfriend and I will fight and I cry, because thats what I do, it's all I know how to do. The problem is he can't be strong for me, I have too, which is understandable. But we are in a 2 year relationship (our anniversary is tomorrow) and I expect him to be there through thick and thin, when I'm happy and when I'm sad. He's only good at number 1. For his sake I understand I can talk forever about it, but when he doesn't talk, I can't listen, and then I end up quessing for him and asking him questions to figure out what he doesn't say, which is a neverending cycle. It's to the point we are gonna break up if something doesn't happen (and I don't want this). He tells me to just stop, turn off the emotions, but I'm not sure if an emotional person can do that. Maybe he isn't emotional so he has no problem there, but I just may be different. If my emotions and depression (since the gym in my other post) drive him away, and he can't be my support, the breakup is gonna be 10 times more emotional for me than this and I can't take the pain. I don't even have a network of friends anymore to help me deal with it. He is my ALL and ONLY. I'm sooo alone. someone help me. give me advice. I'm in sooo much pain he I feel like I could die.
I am in the completly same situation, exept thet we broke up few days ago. It hurts to be without him, but i'm not that strong to put up with all that. It has been year and a half constantly fighting, crying... I guess it's better now that we're apart. I can't help you, if i had the answer i would have used it for my situation. But i'm here for you because i understand you. peace*
being too sensitve can be very draining for a partner, always feeling like they have to watch what they say or do so as not to hurt your feelings and making you cry. and sometimes when people cry all the time over small issues it makes you think are those tears really sincere?two years now a days is a very long time and i think that after two years you should be into the smooth sailing part of the relationship.and quite honestly nobody likes a crybaby.you were talking earlier about him changing his attitude about certain things, did you think about maybe changing your sensitvity level?? just a suggestion.
yes I do want to change and will try to. But at the same time you say nobody likes a crybaby... but can you picture yourself crying sincerly and your man calls you that, in a hateful tone? not cool in my book. I have a dwelling problem, I like to analyze things and bring them up, and he has an anger problem along with whatever... And no I am not always like that. I live, love, more than most people. Just when I see shit it really fuckin stinks... when he see's shit he justs avoids it. Does that make sense?
Are there any friends you can reconnect with or get back in touch with should the relationship end? I would say list everyone you know and the ones who you can get in touch with, do so. You'd be surprised how many people come out of the woodwork if you just make the effort to get in touch with. After my last major break-up over two years ago I was amazed at how many people whom I'd lost touch with so willingly came back into my life. We get so comfortable in a relationship and sometimes they become our only friend - but you have to be willing to let your pride go and tell people you need their support. If your case is extreme and you left everyone on bad terms, tell them you'd like to make amends. If they won't, maybe there's a coworker you connect with well who you've always wanted to hang out with more, but were too busy being with your man to give it a shot. Maybe have an outing with your coworkers all together - like bowling or something - to make new connections with people. Or, just look for local volunteer opportunities out there - you will definitely meet people that way. I thought my ex was my one and only friend, but I was proven wrong by everyone around me after we broke up. Of course this was two years ago when we did, and I've had a lot of time to heal and reflect from that experience. I just wanted to say these things to you because I know it seems very scary that you two might possibly break up and that you feel all alone in the world, but you won't be. If anything else fails, you can talk to me. If you PM me I'll give you my email and instant messenger, and if you need some insight or just need to vent, I'll listen Furthermore, I am also an emotional girl who weeps openly when I'm deeply upset. If your crying is keeping you from functioning in the world, of course you should try to get to the root of it and see what is causing you to cry so much, but NOT for your boyfriend's sake - for YOURS. However, if you're just emotional and seeing others in pain or even being in pain yourself makes you cry, you shouldn't have to change that. The fact that your boyfriend has a problem with that is his problem, not yours. Never change for a guy - only change if you feel it will help you! Peace, sister - I hope all works out for you
i cry alot too. my boyfreind is a very sweet reasonable guy, but these days i can see his patience wearing thin, i wish i could go back in time & uncry all the silly things i cried about & save the tears for important things, cos i know now the next time i have something really wrong he may question the seriousness of it, Mlee gives good advice but its easier said than done, sometimes when someone your close to does something little it can really hurt when you read too much into it, & trying to explain your feelings with tears in your eyes, the words always seem to come out exagerated.....but i must say it sounds like your boyfreind needs to work on himself too, i dont think your the one damaging the relationship here, sounds like maybe your the one trying to save it, but save it for the right reasons, i mean save it because you really love him & not just because you are afraid of the pain you will feel if you lose him.
& if it does end, the finality of it is what hurts but you can get over the lonelyness & make the most of your new found freedom & time to yourself y just keeping as busy as possible, i think its important to focus on ones goals, hobbies, hopes & dreams after a relationship ends, & often youd be pleasantly suprised how much spare energy you have to put into your own life once u leave a relationship
As far as I can tell from your other thread, you each have your own way of coping with issues. You cope by getting in touch with your feelings and seeking empathy and support, he does it in a more "professional" way. "Professional" in the sense that instead of getting in touch with his own emotions, he tries to set them aside so he can find a solution (kind of like what he is expected to do at work). Thing is, because your methods of coping are so different, when an issue presents itself you end up not seeing eye to eye because you're looking for different things. You're looking for emotional support, he's either looking for a solution or trying to shrug off the problem. And because you're both not getting what you want, you both become angry, yes? I'm trying to imagine the scenario you presented to mlee: you're crying and he calls you a crybaby. This is your way of coping: "I'm not okay, I'm feeling hurt, so I'll cry". But his way of coping is: "Crying doesn't make problems go away, crybabies can't solve problems with their tears". So he's there trying to look for a solution, but he can't find it, and he sees you being a crybaby, and he's thinking, "stop crying because it's not helping, tears can't solve our problem." Meanwhile, you're thinking "I'm crying to let out my emotions, just be there for me and I'll be okay, no need to solve anything." And since you're both not getting what you want from the other, you just go around in circles, never resolving anything. Worse, you just end up pissing each other off. I think you both need to learn to accept your differences. I think you still haven't learned to really do this, since you both demand that the other act a certain way (e.g. "stop being a crybaby") or give you what you're looking for (e.g. "emotional support"). Then you both need to make some minor adjustments. You don't need to give up being emotional, you just need to understand that while it's okay to be that way, you need more than tears to solve a problem. He doesn't need to stop being the problem solver, he just needs to see that while crying doesn't solve anything, it doesn't necessarily get in the way of finding a solution. I don't know you personally so I could be wrong on some of the details (not enough info, you know?), but I think I'm close.
man, i'm sorry to hear that. i wish i know what to say. relationships are made to be both ways. i mean, it takes both people to carry a relationship. if he isn't doing his part then he needs to start doing right now. you have every reason to feel the way you do. so... i'm pretty sure that didn't help
I'm printing this out and showing him. I think you hit the nail on the head. It makes me happy to hear your wisdom I think you are right. This insight might just help us! p.s. and thanks everyone else!!! I half expected to get flamed for being a "whiney pussy" but you all showed me support and let me know it's OKAY to be this way. that makes all the difference. I'm not crazy because I cry, yay!!
thats how he was too. his patience started to wear thin over time, but now he just kinda blows up and gets really angry, which makes me cry harder which pisses him off more. It's like an unending cycle but I hope we can change it.
I have found some but there's not too many people I'm fond of here. I kinda live in the hood, and I hate thugs and hommies and shit (except one who doesn't act like the rest). So if he leaves, I'll start traveling the world again like I was when I met him. I had a sailboat off the coast of florida I gave up so we could move up here, partly because of him, and partly for school. I could find happy things again.... but we are good right now... till the next fight.
