my boyfriend just got mad at me at the gym because I didn't want to bench press more than the bar. Granted I've been benching that for awhile but I like to increase repetitions before weight, b/c it adds more tone and less bulk. He pushed me real hard to add weight and I said "no, I'm not comfortable with it", and I finally got mad, or more accurately stern, after him continuosly going at it, and said "mind your own business". He then answered me with "so then, I won't care about your body" which totally stabbed my heart, making me think of him ravishing my naked body without any heart, like totally loveless passion!!! we started fighting from there... or well me getting sensitive and wanting my feelings at least heard (preferably for a minute outside the gym), and him telling me to buzz off and he didn't care. on and on... him=ass, me=crying. It sucked, and I really think I didn't do anything wrong. I could not handle the weight he wanted to put on, which was more than 1 increment over what I was doing, it was 2 up. When I said "Mind your business", I meant pay attention to you when it's your turn to bench and I'll pay attention to me. I told him that but he kept on and on about how I said "Don't care about my body", when I never said the slightest. I wanted to slap him b/c no matter how hard I tried to explain what I meant, he kept telling me what he thought I meant, like I said it exactly in his "heartless" fashion. I'm sad. We are sooooo good together when everything is high and dandy but as soon as you blow some smoke in our mirrors we explode into a frenzy that will only consume us both
maybe you should find a new gym buddy? It sounds like your bf thinks he knows exactly what you want/need/and are thinking. Does he do this in every argument you guys have? That he is always right, etc, without listening to you? Im sorry but if he does thats just ridiculous. Relationships should be 100% mutual in all aspects. If he acts this way whenever a problem arises, basically he needs to have someone dump his ass. You deserve better. Or you can sit him down, calm him down, and tell him when an argument/situation arises that he needs to chill out, listen to you, and then give his side of the argument with the best intentions for you and him as a couple. PEACE
What he does is put up a wall. If he does something to offend me (not on purpose, supossively), then I have to try as best as I can to rationally explain it to him and why it bothers me. He then gets defensive and says, "I Didn't do anything, whatever, its your problem", and then I cry, b/c I'm a crier, and I'm fuckin abandoned in dealing with this shit. I love him but I have been trying to change his attitude about "being there" and controlling his anger, but I now know he has to on his own if he wants to fucking make an effort. I love him so much I would do anything for him, but what will he do for me? will he get anger management? NO. So fuck. Stick with the good and cry out the bad, b/c noone will hear me, except maybe a few I don't even really know in cyber space.
another thing about the thinking he knows whats best for me and whats on my mind... he pulled alot of mind fuck along that line this time in the gym... but not usuallly. this is a first for that kind of controlling attitude, and I called it that to him. But "whatever" he says, he's not ready to get it. but yet it's not worth throwing out whats good for whats bad. It just makes my heart split
fuckin pull me apart from the inside. my man destroys me as much as he loves me, and I supposive it could be vise verse, though I doubt it with the endless love I pour him. Is this our sick beautiful realtionship? I'm not a freak but am I doomed for gloom and twisted beauty? I am to his mercery, til he pisses me off, and then I can't hold a tounge. I can only try to minimize it's venom.
Seems to me that he thought he was actually being a good boyfriend by pushing you to your limits like a coach would push an athlete.
he does think that Musikero. But I told him he's not my coach. He's my boyfriend, and I just want him for support. He can offter advice but I don't want him telling me I need it and b/c of that he's gonna drive it into me. thats controlling. but yea from his standpoint he was initially doing a good thing, though he has apologize for being a complete asshole afterwards. I'm so distraut over this. We have been fighting since and we both threatened to break up with the other. When things are good they are very good but when they are bad we go crazy and he won't get counseling with me...
such a petty thing to be fighting over, imagine if something really important and dramatic happened in your life? if something like that is going to almost break you up maybe you should reconsider the relatonship. my bf and i used to drink heavily and we used to brawl over stupid shit like music choice and then we realized life is too short to be wasting time arguing over petty shit, i know your feelings got hurt but it's not that bad.imo.and anyone can change if they really want to.
okay. i can help you out here. i should have read this one first. this guy is an ass. he is totally passive aggressive. most likely, the reason he got so mad is because something has been bothering him for awhile and instead of addressing the problem like a normal person, he puts it in his bag of stuff he doesn't like to deal with. so, he keeps on putting troubles in this bag of his in till it's filled. once it's fill he throws all this stuff in you face.( metaphor ) so, when you were at the gym, he probably let all this stuff out. i hope i'm making sense. i'm a terrible writer. but, what you need to do, is # 1 make him talk about his feelings, while he also takes in your feels too. he needs to acknowledge your feels.... or #2 end it. this guys is bring you down and if he is not willing to work in your relationship with you, you need to break up. you deserve to be happy. and you deserve someone who will acknowledge your feels. hope that helps. like i said, i'm a terrible writer
this guy is treating you like an inferior. Get rid of him and get a real man that has some respect for people
1) won't talk about them. I think it's b/c he's not even in touch with them to begin with, as opposed to hiding them. 2) I love him and I hope it won't go there.... but thanks.
I agree. Most of our fights are petty (one day was how to fold the towels). So then, why can't we stop? people are strange. but we are soooo good together when we're both in good moods. people always tell us we're made for each other and go beautifully and are one of those "perfect" couples. Of course they don't see the other side.... half heaven, half hell, must mean I'm on earth. perhaps this is just the reality.
you shouldnt worry about what people say. Even if they say "you guys are the perfect couple", you should still focus on what YOU feel and know. You know the relationship better than anyone, and it obvioulsy isnt perfect. But nothing is percect. Im just saying, dont you think you could be happier? And you could do without all the petty fighting? Surely there is a man who can make you feel just as if not more special. Everyone has their pros and cons.
