How's this poem? PLEASE COMMENT! I NEED FEEDBACK!good or bad...

Its sitting right there
So I pick the blade up
I drag it across
Just one little cut.

Now I close my eyes
And feel the relief
It was almost enough
But it's still hard to breathe.

The tears in my eyes
The scream in my voice
I truly believe I have no other choice.

He'll be disappointed
Of this I am sure
He can't understand it
This is my only cure.

I know he'll be sad
So I keep it inside
I look him straight in the eyes
" I have nothing to hide."

The tears start to well
I can't let him see
I want to be perfect
I want to be free.

I don't want to tell him
I can't let him know
I wear only long sleeves
So the red marks don't show.

As we kiss goodbye
It breaks my heart
Because he knows I am lying
And it tears him apart.

 

Beautifully chilling and heartfelt DG.

 

Thank you

 

dang man you neeed to get off your depressed asss, get over to my place and chief on some beasters with me...its ok im depressed too hahaaaaa,,,,, maybe bipolar would be bettterr

 

lol i WISH i could go back to depression that was fun compared to the problems i have now. now then i think this was a pretty good piece for sure, ive known lots of girls who have this same problem with cutting. i did as well but i stopped and did worse things lol. the only problem i found was there was a small amount of description. if i was writing this i would make that blade sound like some kind of old friend that you have visits with or something with a personality like temptation. temptation has a personality dispite what people say it has a mind of its own and it just keeps living without a thought of dying. and thats what cutting was for me. too bored/sad/thoughts raping your head/wanting attention but at the same time wanting no one to know..a certain feeling that you think no one can possibly understand. oddly enough lots do and dont think your alone. ill show you a part of one of my poems i wrote about cutting

why
what did I do for this
it seems this life is just a waste
the blood is dripping in a haste
watch as the clock is skipping
its running on the tile
like this place was worthwhile
I cant seem to control my shakes
I know I cant count
all my mistakes
im doing all it fucking takes

see in that it kind of seems like a desperation and you can almost picture it in your head. idk i just completely lost my train of thought..problem with smokin those buds lol but yeah i hope i helped
peace