embarrassing, But Need Advice With Relationship

Ok well first off, I dont want anyone getting the idea I'm some horney guy that can only think with my penis, it's nothing like that. This might not be the right forum either, sorry, just looked right!

So let me start off with a lil background of me and relationships, this is in NO WAY shape or form trying to get attention or show off, my problem is actually very embarrassing.

Here's the break down:
I've had many differnt relationships, the sexual ones usually consist of 5 layers...I mean like in differnt types of sexual in my eyes....
1st Dating and sex is just there, more of a hookup, but considered dating.
2nd Dating, and you like the person
3rd Dating, and starting to fall for them.
4th Daring, in love, but not to that ONE point of passing the threshold.
5th Dating, In mad love, willing to do anything for them, love them like having kids and getting married, not even had sex yet, fell in love before having sex, get this weird happy feeling when seeing them, just holding them put you in cloud 9..

I'm in stage 5. I've never been in stage 5. I've been in all the rest. This girl is the love of my life. I've actually waited to have sex with her. she means the world to me so much. theres one issue...the embarrassing one. We went to have sex for the first time one night, I mean it was special...I couldn't get it up. I do smoke, but umm only for a few years and I actually dont smoke heavy. I mean I dont smoke more than 3 cigs a day, and most of the time I don't really have time to smoke during the week. Anyways, I couldn't get it up...I mean how embarrasing, I've never in my life even had a delay when it came to a sexual encounter. I have a feeling it's because i've never cared about someone so much before sex. But I love sex, and it's gonna sound like I'm a I want sex only man..

Fuck no, I care about my women soooo much when I'm in love, and I can vouch for the whole loving a girl 3 times. Sounds drastic, but the first one actually died (Very sensitive subject, makes me get emotional every time) of 1 year, 8 months. the 2nd was a year. This 3rd one has ONLY BEEN 6 month, and i'm that in love.

So tonight, we actually are in her room, and I mean I have the time. I go to do it, get in the mood, doing so and so, and it happens again. And lemme tell you something, I feel like shit. I actually feel bad cause I'm letting her down. and you know what is the worst part? She actually doesnt' care. She loves me so much, she isn't talking shit, she isn't cracking jokes, she is helping me out and staying by my side. At the TIME, she was upset, but she got over it fairly quickly.

I mean, this has NEVER happened to me. I honestly need advice. I'm not posting to say, help me get a boner so I can have sex! I mean, whats wrong with me? As a guy that classifies a working penis as being SOMEWHAT of a man (Lol) I'm very worried about me. I mean, I never have a problem any other time with me just hanging out lol...and I never had problems with any other girl. I mean I can have sex simple with the most easiest girl, but I can't with the most amazing girl I've ever layed eyes on. This isn't puppy love either.

This might not be in the right form, but yeah...thats the issue and I need some assistance.

Thanks for reading, and hope to hear some responses!
H

 

sorry to hear about your previous girlfreind, may the most high God be with her...

As for your little issue, I had the same problem with my lady, we both fell deeply in love, we didnt even have sex for the first 3 months, and im the type of guy who needs sex atleast once a day everyday, but our love was so strong and intense, that we never had sex, then one night were postin in her car, and she reached over and grabbed my dick, at the time it was rock solid, but by the time i was inbetween her legs i went limp... trust me i kno how you feel, u feel like shit in yourself for not bieng able to keep a stiff dick, and you feel even more like shit cuz you couldnt please the person you love. And its on your mind all day every day... Everytime we tried to have sex the same thing would happen, i would be rock solid, then when in her legs, i go limp, ive been having sex for almost 8 years and that has never happened, which is what made it even harder. But i also never loved someone so much... but after almost a month of that bullshit, we finally fucked, and been fucking everyday since. Dont waste your time thinking about it, give it some time my dude, set aside your emotions for little bit, and let your instinct and hormones kick, youll fuck her guts out.

The worst thing u can do is sit there and think about it all day.. it fucks you up and wont get you no where... anywayz I gotta blunt to smoke, hope this shit helped.

 

Nice to know I'm not alone in this Well, the way I deal with it is: when it happens to me, I just focus on giving my partner pleasure with my mouth and fingers. That way at least ONE of us is satisfied. Thankfully, this doesn't always happen.

 

btw austin, the appropriate forum for this would be the Love and Sex forum, in the Sexual Health subforum, to be specific. But it's ok, the moderator will probably just move this thread there. No big deal.

 

ive actualy experienced something simular but different
i generaly often am hard most of the day..lol & horny like crazy all the time
but these past 3 weeks i've had 1 of my 2 loves living with me, & shes a virgin.. & i know shes not ready, & although we'd shower together, sleep together do everything together & even get alittle sexual, the entire time she was here i only got hard twice once when she was sleeping next to me & i was talking to my other love, & once just an hour before she had to leave
& i think its just because my mind & body both knew it just wasnt time yet
& thats ok, theres no reason to rush into anything if you really have true love, sex really only is really important if thats the main thing you have between you,
if you have a deeper & higher love it doesnt matter as much, & a hug or really deep emotional conversation or looking into her eyes with intence love can be far more deeply satisfying then any sexual contact ever
dont worry about a thing & just take it as a sign to go slow let things happen as they happen, dont think of it as sex..as a thing you perform... just think of the love your sharing...
i think thats the problem here, you finaly have some1 that means far more then just sex & when the time came you were too anxious about your performance & wanting to make the experience all you could that you got stage freight..
you think far too much about the act...instead of just letting the love cary you away..
either that or the hightened respect is holding you back, & perhaps if thats the case then perhaps being very open & honnest with eachother about the best & worse youve ever done sexualy, confessing every sexual encounter & desire will help you ballance the respect with the needs & help you to realize that its ok to both desire & respect simultaniusly
in my case i know things will change next month when i have both my loves here together cause the other 1 is..well psychosexual..lol but i gotta tell u, after the amazing few weeks i just spent with the 1 i definately dont regret that we never had sex, i only regret that her hand wasnt there to hold last night
i've been in your stage 5 a couple times before
but i think im in stage 15 billion now
i'm so far beyond any level of love i've ever experienced with these 2 that i honnestly wouldnt care if i never had sex with either 1 of them just cause the love is that intence & incredible..& i'm a very sexual person generaly so just saying that amazes me but its the truth..
so i guess my advice would hafta be stop carrng & worrying abiut sex, just love like crazy. & the sex will come naturaly when its suposed to, & will be more wonderful then you ever imagined sex could be
ya dont want your first special time to be a dick grab & quick bang in a car anyway
make it a special night focused on love not sex & see what happens

 

Damn, where to start...Well obv thanks so much for responding first off, it's show me it's not abnormal. I mean, it really MEANS a lot. (btw, I love your dreads man, hoping to start mine soon). I mean I think I'm stressing like you all are saying a little too much. I feel like I have to live up to a certain expectation, and she says that's not even true, that she loves me beyond more than anything. All these replys definitely take the edge off.

I'll just let it flow. Let the time happen. Thanks so much.

 

yeah, sounds like it's just anxiety. you're worried about pleasing her. but she's crazy in love with you, so you couldn't not please her...no worries. just do things to relax, focus on your good feelings about each other. spend lots of time relaxing together, and don't forget to be playful. love doesn't have to be a dead serious affair. when you're deeply in love with someone, just long passionate kissing and touching each other is incredibly arousing. it will come naturally.

 

haha hell yea, 3 dreadheads in one thread.... grow those locks fool.

 

grow your locks and the dick will become hard. trust me.

 

Yeah, I'm a dreadhead as of July 1st...lol a couple weeks away!

 

dont use any wax, wax is for white bois. go natural. and let your locks hang like a nut sac...

 

Lol I've had dreads before, I never use wax man...Ever, I hate that stuff...Anyways, back on topic, I'm still worried about this whole situation, but only time will tell....

Ugh..

 

props.

 

I think that actually you love her that much our nervous? Maybe thats why you couldn't 'perform'? Dont worry about it, just try a few things before actually having sex. You could try things such as toys or roleplay? Many different things out there that could help you with your problem. I've heard of alot of men having the same problem so your not alone. Hope I helped.

 

Hey don't worry, it happend to my bf the first time. It's because the tension, just relax, it will happen.

 

Austin - what you are experiencing is very common - it is called "performance anxiety" and once you break through the barrier and have some great sex, it is gone. Don't worry - it will come.

 

Ive never been in this situation...but it makes sense...u might be so concerned about not wanting just sex that ur afraid she will think that or that she will for get u after but idk i have nothing to help u out man...

 

I think you are beating yourself up way too much man! Its ok! It happens..I think alot of this stems from your intense feelings for her. You are nervous and thinking too much and its causing you to go flacid. As you get more comfortable with her and let go a lil..You will get it back up and running. Jus chill..breathe and dont think about that when the time comes again. Keep your head up..Atleast one of em. It will get back to good. Everyone gets limp sometimes. No worries.

 

Yeah man I hear you. I actually have been beating myself up a little excessive. Since the post, I've actually just relaxed...I mean it's perfect, she went on vacation last week, and I didn't go cause I had work...but it just gave me that time to myself so I can get a hold of this situation.

Thanks a lot for the help...It means a lot.

Hopefully this time away will let me get loose.