Too much respect to have sex!

I saw threads on here with similar ideas, so I don't feel so odd any more!

My experience with sex has been: I am a disposable commodity and men do not want me for more than a semen bucket. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not pitying myself for it -- I just learned to kind of deal with it and either accept it or abstain from sex. It works for me because I am not one of the clingy types who wants (or even necessarily believes in) The Love of Her Life and a marriage, etc.
I have a sexual going on with someone else who is emotionally traumatized and seemingly unable to have a relationship of any kind, and fill up my free time with doing things I want to do (reading books, riding my bicycle, etc).
I like the freedom not to worry about what someone else might think or want, so it works out all right and I'm not even really all that lonely.

But at the same time, I sometimes wonder if it's normal. I have another guy friend who is really kind, respectful of me and other people, very gentle, and not pretentious (all of my "requirements") -- he really doesn't have any "down sides" except that he might not think of me "in that way", which is fine. I don't know if I even want him to, because I like him all right just status quo.
The potentially "abnormal" thing is just that: I am satisfied with the status quo. Another friend encourages me to "go for it" -- try to pursue this fellow a little, at least try to see if he might be interested in return. But I don't really want to -- not because I don't want him, but because I don't want to be crushed by yet another rejection. I prefer at this point to build castles in my mind and sleep exclusively with guys who are emotionally damaged and cannot possibly care for me -- because it is easier.
Besides, I doubt at this point that I could even perform physically with someone who might actually care for me. I could not sleep with someone I really respected or who respected me.

Is this kind of cheerful concession normal in any way?

 

A disposable commodity... A semen bucket... Man, you haven't got much respect for yourself, have you?

Also, I find it really strange that you feel like you couldn't sleep with someone who you respect and who respects you. Why would you even wanna be with someone if there's no respect between the two of you? Wow... that's just crazy. I don't mean to sound harsh or like I'm judging you coz that's not my intention... I just really don't understand where you're coming from with all this. Your general attitude towards sex and relationships just doesn't sound very healthy...

 

whoa! don't like the sound of that at all! kind, respectful, gentle, and unpretentious sound great! not interested in me 'that way' sounds terrible. why would i want a romantic relationship with someone who doesn't dig me? good friend material, nothing more. from what you've said here, you have serious self-esteem issues that need major work.

 

Its normal, but that doesn't make it good.

 

^^what she said...and also it sounds like your views on sex have been very tainted by experience, and thats why you feel you cant perform with people who you love and who care

I really wouldnt continue sleeping with messed up guys or people you share no feelings with if i were you, it will just dig the hole deeper. Take time away from them, imagine your true ideals, and dont let the past become cynicism and let the bad guys win

Love, respect and beautiful sex are real. Its nothing to be afraid of, it can hurt, it can wound, but you get up and move on. Its a fate much, much more appealing than horrid meaningless sex for the rest of your days

 

A fuck buddy is ok IF you're sexually compatible and it gratifies you sexually. But don't do it to fill the time with, you're not lonely so you don't need someone to fill the time with.

As for the other guy, only time will tell if there's chemistry. If there's no chemistry then there is no sense in pursuing this. Plz don't get into a relationship until something better comes along, which is what I'm afraid is gonna happen here. When you're involved you shut yourself out of other opportunities. Someone better comes along and it gets messy, I know what I'm talking about here, been there.

At this point if I were you I would abstain until you find someone more meaningful. Despite what the media tells us, we don't have to be in a relationship all the time, it's ok to be single.

 

LOL @ this girl who called herself a cum bucket... LOL wtf. You just need some dick. dont be scared.

 

sunsnatch, didnt you say in some other thread that you were gettin dick? By some dude who always acts scared and shy and gets embarrased?


If he acts like that, then how in the fuck can HE be using YOU as his "cum bucket"? When HE is the one who is shy?

 

when you gain a bias, it affects your perception as well



I don't know what in your past, made you so bitter and numb, but you really gotta get over it
I agree with KozmicBlue and expecially v_m, you need to open yourself up a bit
don't be so scared, pain is a part of life

 

wait, what?

 

what the fuck???

 

that's why her logic is not in tune with ours/yours

 

Yikes. Sounds like you have some very fucked up internal mental problems in some way. Was you traumatized in any way growing up? No offense. However..I some what see what you are trying to say. I find I cant really attach sex and emotion so of course I assume I prob have some deep mental issues as well haha SEX will always prob be sex with me and I never equate it with love. Not sure why I do this. Will that change..I hope..because I usually jus walk away feeling more damaged for involving myself in these cold endeavors. But as you said..at the same time..I like my freedom and dont want to become emotionally avail or attached to someone right now. However I dont always wanna be a orgasm to someone and be someone that is ok with jus being viewed as a sex object and for my body. I dunno..I hope you figure it out and I hope I do as well. lol I dont look down on you for this. I jus think you ..like some of us others..are jus well fucked up in this sense.

 

Thanks, MatthewShane, and yeah it's okay -- actually I did get traumatized a lot growing up but it hardly matters, I'm cheerful about it now

As far as me getting into a relationship -- HAHA! Sorry for laughing. But nope. I don't ever want to get into one because then I would miss out on everything else happening around me.
I don't believe in the media, AT ALL. I don't need another person to be happy, and CERTAINLY don't need a relationship. I just want company sometimes, but not all the time, which is why this occasional thing with the shy guy is working all right.
Sometimes I do think it would be nice to share company with someone who could actually have a conversation with me ... or at least cuddle without getting so ashamed that he cannot look me in the face later (the shy guy can't do that, he avoids physical contact with me unless we're fucking, and it's because he's effed up and not because he doesn't want to) ... but then I realize that would just complicate things way too much!
I get by. I'm not lonely. I could probably keep this up forever, and that is (oddly) what scares me.

Like M.Shane said -- I don't really want to be "just an orgasm" to someone for ever, and sometimes I think it's abnormal to feel deeply and certainly that I always will be ... or that I'm twenty and I've never had a positive experience (a positive experience that I didn't personally fuck up, anyway) ... but I guess that's okay?

PS: Duck and raspropecy -- I have no idea what in the fuck either of you were talking about. If you were trying to make a point to me, you failed.

 

Well I understand you for the most part ..you are not alone atleast so I hope ya find comfort in that. I agree with most everything you say here. I think we jus think in diff terms of these things as most prob. However rathar than condem such behavior I see an independence in you ...and you seem very self suff..so regardless of what anyone says. I think this is very important. However..dont lose sight of the fact that some people are a bit "broken" perhaps and the greater fact is that we do prob need someone in the end whether we want to admit it or not to ourselves. Or i fear we will not grow as we should as most people perhaps. You sound fascinating though none the less and a very intresting person indeed haha. I dont hear many with this sort of take or mind set on such issues.

 

I guess with me -- I don't need someone, I don't always even want someone ... but sometimes I do. Sometimes (like tonight) I just kinda want something to do to break up the monotony, something to make me feel less alone, even if only for the night.

I don't have any friends (don't laugh! it's not because I'm emo, just because I am shy) -- the last time I "hung out" with anyone specific other than to have sex was with the guy I kinda have a crush on, and we didn't really say much of anything, just sat and smoked and watched movies for six hours until he wished me good night, went into the other room, and fell asleep.
Pretty much the only people I talk to are my customers at the library where I work, and then it's mostly about books or what will be going into the new building next door. I'm kind of afraid to talk sometimes, and (as with the smoking-movie guy) just plain don't feel the need to at other times. I stutter now and sometimes the sound of my own voice startles me.

And I've never had a real relationship, never really wanted one. My sex life has pretty much amounted to unpaid prostitution, more or less against my will -- I've been led to believe that I was a friend with benefits when really all the other person wanted was a whore to discard when they got bored. And literally, that is how they phrase it -- they get bored. To me, that is not what a FRIEND would say, much less do, so I end up feeling more like a whore ... right until I get passed on to the next one, a few months later, and it all starts again.

That's partially why I could never sleep with someone I care about or who cared about me -- I wouldn't want to disrespect him by offering the body of a whore. There is nothing special about a slut.

I guess what scares me most is that I don't even feel any sadness or anger writing this. It's almost like I am writing a newspaper article about another person. I've just kind of accepted that I am a whore and isolated myself from friends and society as if I were a leper, and it doesn't even make me sad.

And yes -- I do see a shrink. But talking doesn't do anything except keep me sane enough to function (go to work, get dressed, bathe, refrain from babbling like a lunatic) ... in order for therapy to work, it has to be backed up by positive experiences, and I've begun to kind of block myself out of any kind of experience at all.

 

this is very, very sad.

 

I'm sorry :/ I know this sounds kinda pathetic, I am just not really sure what to do with it.

I posted here because I don't get feedback from real people in real life, I'm afraid to say anything. I wanted to see if anyone else (particularly any ladies, but was pleasantly surprised to hear from guys) had any idea what I was talking about, and how they dealt with it on their own time. It is nice knowing I'm not the only one.

 

just as i dont kno what the fuck your talkin about, sunnysnatch... the fuck is wrong with u gurl speak up.

 

well obviously she is going by her own experiences and if that is all she has experienced is a few "normal guys'''( i say normal because for a l ong time that is all i could find were semen bucket fillers)than that is all she has to go by.