He broke contacts, because of past pain

I have a problem with a friend who suddendly refuse to speak with me based on assumptions that 2 other girls put in his head about me and who have brainwashed him so good that he dont know what to do.

He speak about that I am jealous of him and dont let him talk to others, when all he does is talking to others but not much to me..
even before he cut off contact a week ago.
He still try to provocate me and say hurting and very very hurting things and do it in public, as if it wasnt hard enough to dont even have the right to talk about it.
he advise others to always talk together when they have problems but he doesnt talk with me when there is and refuse to do so!
He always avoid the question.
I really tried everything to make him see the wrong in all this and how he was fooled by those girls but he doesnt want to see the facts.
Like the fact that we rarely could speak deeply and that he almost never shared with me, but he shared with strangers, and its like he want to dont see the problem in it.
To share to strangers and tell them what his problems are instead to do so with me.. it is hurting as it shows how little he trust me, adn when i tell him so, he says i am jealous and i dont trust him, when it is the opposit.
He had a gf before who was very jealous and from time to time he just put all his fears from that previous relationship, onto me, he project it on me like if i was thát gf and the cause of all the sufferings he went through and still feel, and he will not let go of that unhealthy attacjement he still have and who destroy his life now and influence mine very negatively.
the worse is that even when told about it he doesnt react by talking about it and trying to understand how he conect me with her and whom made hím beleive i was jealous as those 2 girsl knew about his ex and abused of that to get him against me and to cut all connections with me, even threatening him with putting the police on me if he was to talk to me! and threatening me to put the police on me and calllawyers if i was to talk to him!! and even saying they had already done so!
They use the most psychotic tricks and threats and seems to be very satisfied that we cannot talk togethe rnow even they dont give a shit about him. They just want us to feel bad and destroy the strong bond we had.
They damaged it, thats for sure, but destroy, no, I dont think so.
I dont think they can because we have soemthing specil between us that noone can touch. Something magical, and I beleive in magic and that miracles can and will happen.
And that i can make those miracles happen by calling them out.
He dont even tell me why he doesnt talk to me, now htat he know he was wrong he can no longer keep saying it was because i was jealous or too controlingand all those things who are not true.
By controling he mean that i want him to talk with me, for real and not ust superficially, and that if he made a deal with me he tries to keep it specially when he has repeated to me for weeks tomorrow we wil talk i have time.. and also that if he is busy talking to someone else, that he just tell me so and dont let me wait for hours and hours..
Thats all. I dont think it is high crave nor being too controlling.
It is a minimum to expect as a human being, to be respected.
He keeps coming and going but wont talk.
And it is both very silly and hurtfull. he could just explain himself and also say he is sorry to have done those wrong things and to mix his memories with me and to have taken me as the object of his projections for so long.
I think it is time for him to drop this big weight he carry along, instead to put it on my shoulders to carry from time to time by giving me the blame for the pain she infliged on him and that i have nothing to do with.
It is very difficult to talk to a wall, and to know what to do when the other one never answer back, and never did even before the break of communication. i told him many times before he ahd to change the way we relate to, to somehting better, deeper, more genuate, and more fullfiling.

I hope for this to happen, and that he will see this and found the courage to say the words he block to say for so long, to express his feelings finally and to be able to cross over wat ever is impeding him to be himself and to show he care for me.

 

you cannot force someone to talk to you and if he is treating you this way becasue of what people are saying about you why would you want his friendship anyways?

 

I think he has to explain to me why and just saying those reasons that he knows now are faulse, are no way to broke such a worthy relationship.
He has to overcome his flaws, as we all do, and I am willing to help him doing so as I have always been.
I agree with you that someone treating me this way and bending and giving me away for some unreliable people, and even exposing me in the most humiliating ways just to please those, isnt worth my friendship.
But I beleive that he can change that soft point in him, to recognise when he is being abused and misleaded and to learn from this mistake to be more on his guard in the future.
I just wish for him to can overcome his fears of sharing, loving and trusting another, and to be more able to open up without aggravating me, as well of being able to understand what intimacy and privacy means, and that it isnt only his that is of value but mine as well, and that his needs have to be met but mine too, and that any relationship is based on trust and sharing, and in good communication. A 2 way one, and not one were he can receive while ll i get is radio silence or weird comments or superficial comments.
It crave from him to overcome his fear of giving by sharing of himself, of talking of what he feels deeply. The most important.
I want to build this reltionship, and it come to a status quo always because of his past hurts that he mix with me and his inability to disattached himself from it, and that he dont trust that a friendship can be build up on solid ground.
Its like he want to stay on the wellknown and non risky superficiality with no commitment.
It goes for a while but at some point he will have to ake that step. A very easy step, and time has come for him to make that step and see that there was nothing so dangerous as he thought in simply sharing and communicating for real.
I think that a heavy dosis of criticism for those peope have helped to bring him into unbalance and feeling very unsure. In fact aggravating what was latent always in him.
But I also think that htis has happeend for him to can see it face it, so that he couldnt deny it any more, and could do something about it, rectify it by bringing a more healthy communication into our relationship.
In fact it could be a gift from Heaven, the way I see it. It will take time to rebuild, but it will be stronger and much better than before.
What do you think?
Riggs...

 

noone refuses to see you if they really really like you because you may be an asshole. He just doesnt like you. No means no, and maybe means maybe, except when maybe means no. Anything other than yes means no...got it? take it from an (ex) :dupe: :jester:... o yea, they tried to tell me this and i didnt listen. you probably wont either. BReak off all contact. now!

 

A friend that would totally abandon you is bad enough but one that would try to publically humiliate you is not worth your time.

 

I don't talk to her because she follows me around the forums and goes after any girl that I talk to. Has hurt three sweet girls feelings on another forum.
I didn't mind talking to her, but she wanted to keep me in pm talking to her.
I told her to stop this, she didn't, so now I don't talk to her.

 

I know, but I feel like I need to talk about those things and to understand why it happened, and it is so unjust and so mean.
I´t is as if I still trust him enough to can turn and see, but he has always been suspicious of me, while i wálways truested him with everythings.. and now as a reason for what he does, he said that i dont trust him! It is so mean to say that to me when he has often been so suspicious of me and i was hurted by it but he does like if it is alright, like if trusting is only about having sexual intercourse with another woman or not, and does not involve many other parts of the realtionship.
Like trusting that you share with one, and that you dont talk of one in ones back and that you are there when things go bad, and defend your friend, and that you trust their choices and beleive them, and trust that their forum or using another mean of communication is save, and not some kind of trap you put there for them to fall into.

He doesnt seems to see this, even if when he talk to others he speak of how important it is to respect one another and to talk together, and how an open person he is, and understanding and good.
But his actions here, are the opposit of what he says and what he does with others, strangers. It liek because we are so close he appreciate me less or take care less.
Because I gave so much he gives nothing back but take.
I know that he know that soemwhere he is doing wrong.
But why does he keep doing so then?

 

She doesn't know, but respect is a two way street. She didn't respect me, those girls, or the forum she was on.

 

you know this isnt true, you know you almost never talk to me in pm, you know that i never folowed you anywhere in any forums but that you invited me there always by emails, you know this is a lie.
you know that i have never tried to hurt anyone you talk to, you know that they have always insulted me constantly and even came here to forbid you to talk to me, and insulted me in this forum before getting baned, and in all the other ones, you have read what they worte, and i never wrote anything like that to them.

you know it isall a lie, and you were never able to come up with one singel exemple of what you are advancing here,.

i AM GOING IN FORUMS where you are and where i was oto before, since a week.
>i ti sonly one week ago you stop talking to me, and you cannot use that as an excuse for not talking to me.
The week before oyu told me you couldnt talk to me because sara had put the police on me to get me into trouble and will also do it on you if you were to come here to talk to me!
thats what you psoted to me and i still have that PM!
Sara nd angel are no sweet girls they are bitches who have stalk us since february from forum to forum and get us banned because they hated us so much and have always tried to separate us. dont forget that angel contacted me to convince me to drop you because oyu were bad and such a lier and that she insulted oyu a lot, so how can you refer to her as sweet?'
Did you let them brainwash you??

and what about talking in PM for 4 hours in track with her on a day you didnt knew her and had given me an appointment and didnt even answered me when i was asking oyu if you wanted not to talk to me that day so we could meet tomorrow instead?
You treated me very badly and talking to others doesnt mean you have to insult me nor talking to those people about me and to tell them private htings about me nor that you have to dress them agaisnt me, and play the victim and convince them tha ti made oyur life a misery!!! when you had just told me you were fine and wanted to have fun that same day!

you are desillusioned!
what you jsut came wiht i have been telling oyu and proveing you million times that it wasnot true, but you didnt answered me because you know you got nothing that can prove such lies, and you know what i say is true but you are too scare to say sorry!
yOU speak of trusting but when i say to you i am not jealous you never wnat to believe it, and being pissed off of waiting 4 hours unecessaraly is not being jealous, it is being pissed off of waiting 4 hours unecessaraly !

You have your ex gf situation to deal with and you keep putting on me that she was jealous. and those 2 persons (and not 3!) know about it and keep pushing at you on it that i am jealous and all that, but all you like about it is the attention, and none of what you say can excuse that you treated me that way and that before cutting all contacts you only talk with those persons and refused constanttly to have a real talk with me and give me your word week after week that "tomorrow i ahve time and will talk with you" you had time but instead talk with sara.. and since you have been talking with them thing went wrong for both of us when they were fine before, and angel always tried each month since marsh to interfeere between us, and you acknoledge that and the same week as you begin talking to sara oyu didnt even wanted to talk to angel and called her pruneface and wanted to do tricks to her and hated her, so how come you now call her sweet, and even 2 weeks after you begin talking to sara you were on your knees in front of her,, if it isnt that htey had brainwashed oyu.
Even while they were insulting me you were telling me to dont be mean to them when i didnt had said a word!! It was so unreal!
you were like hypnotised and still are.
Tell me when was the last time i kept you in PM??

You are such a big lier Mel!
Why dont you say what has to be said and stick to the truth instead??
You are repeating the same sentences since weeks like a robot!
And i am dead tired of hearing it!
switch the tape, and talk instead of shouting the same robot sentence and running away for fear of seeing the truth!

 

And in what way i didnt respected you??
name it!

what did i do in tha tforum??
nothing
i was banned because she wanted me out as she banned you too in thebpast when you iddnt want to danse after her pipe! but now that you did, you could stay in.
2 way streets?? and where is the other way then`?
to dont come at a rendez vous is disrespectfull, to odnt answer is disrespectfull to let me wait hours is disrespectfull, to dont even tell me if oyu want just ot speak with her so i can go is disreapectfull, so when i am just asking you if oyu prefer to talk to her than me, then tell me so i can go, it doesnt say at all that you cannot talk ot her but in fact the opposit. And the alone hting it ask is, that i rahter do othe rthings than staying here waiting.

Those girls disrespected me in all kind of ways all the time and oyu knwo that, and disrespected you too and insulted you often and wrote all kind of lies about you to admin to get you baned and even you invited her in a forum we were in she got us both banned from it the day after !
you forgot that?
what do you have to say about this then?
In what way i didnt respect you
you hav enever show me much respect me, you always wanted to be accepted by all, and you didnt care much about me
and to be accepted by them who ahd insulted you, you even give me away and helped them to get me banned from a forum i had got you unbanned from 2 weeks before!!!
What do you call that kind of actions for??

Communication is also a 2 way street, and it is someting you od not want to understand, you laways wanted to control me all the time, andnever wanted to give in anything.
They took control over you and you seems to be very satisfied with it!

If you want to keep your accusation, then oyu have to come with proves of it, with exemples.
You have no proves because those htings are illusins tings you created in your head or that they created for you and who have absolutly no bound in reality.
Is lackign you of respect calling oyu a jerk or an asshole after you treated me very badly and for very long?
Well oyu lack of respect came first then..
and you only get back what you ahd throw yourself..
You know hte saying, if you cant handle the shit dont throw it first.

 

ALSO I invited you in tht forum so stop this bs about me following you! you supplied me to join the other forum so oyu could talk to me, and it is not becasuw since 5 days you dont want to talk to me that you can use that i am used to go at the same forum as an axcuse to dont talk to me! htats the world upside down!
you have no arguments at all you odnt even know yourself why you are doing this and oyu dont want to talk about it.
You have to give me an explaination that makes sense
your story about those girls really stinks! how can oyu say they are nice when you have insulted them so often and told me that angel was such a bitch and you really was sorry for her bf!
you said that 2 weeks before leacking her ass, thats no more than 5 weeks ago.. what happened in betwen? brainwash?
it looks like, and no matterhow brainwashed you are it doesnt free you from the responsability to talk ot me and give me an expalination.
The first one was your dead wife then you ex bf then saras threats then that i was in trouble then tha tyou were scared then that you wanted me to leave oyu alone and now you come with that.
It doesnt make any sense. so drop that shit and get real.
You talk to me in private about that and tell me what has been going on since you became so weird and completely wako. You are dead scared of talking to me since they threatened you with the law and the police.
are you completely out of your mind??

As for nice girls everybody can read what those nie fgirls wrote in here few days before you went so scared that you stop talking to me, as *Sara* and as baby Dol, with huge insults and real stincky comments, staling all the threads i had been into and writting discusting things in each. Did you told any of them that they were mean to me and hurting me? no.
Skip banned them for staking.. doesnt it tell oyu something..??
And what about what they wrote in tha tother forum, you seen it, you read it how insulting it was and i have never ever written such things to them nor to anyone else, but you iddnt told the they didnt show me respect, you thank them!
So dont come here playing the marthyr again, and telling pseud expalination that you found on the day to day basis.
Come with the real thing, ask you the real questions, dont be so dead scare to touch the matter.
You have to deal with it soon or later, and it isnt going to fade away just on its own.
You did me very wrong. And you are very bad placd to talk about respect or 2 ways things. I was always the giving and you sitting at the receiving end taking it for granted.
Sharing with someone you dont know and who is friend with one who is your official enemy, private things that you always refused to share with me after one year, because you didnt want to talk about it and because oyu wil never say things about your own life, is a bit hard to swallow!
It is hurting and very disrespectfull, combned with the fact that you also told her things about me that were private and that she used against me!
And i dont accept that kind of hting, and you own me an explaination and an apologize!

 

if someone wants to cut you out of their life, why would you want to be in their?

you also come across as a crazy stalker woman to me btw... just from all the crap your posting and.. yeah. drama queen

 

I dont want to be in his life, I want to understand what happened, and that he explain to me what happened and why.
I doesnt make any sense, and as for stalker i dont know what oyu talk about and for knwolege he came here weeks after i had registered..to talk with me..
i am no stalker, i do not go in forums he dontwant me to go or folow him anywhere, he came here and in 2 other ones that i had invited him into, and all the others it is him who emailed me to come in it and insisted for me to stay in them,.
But i know whom you are thats you and the hair shave thing..
to talk about haishaving is not stalking.. nor to talk togehter in a thread.. you did that often so why do oyusay this?
He has been stalking me in here and posted some discusting things, as those 2 bitches told him to do..
I do not think that it is natural nor come naturally.
and he isnt my bf so you now that, he is my friend and thats not the same.

 

humn. I say wash your hands of him! You was fine before you knew him. You will be fine long after. Don't let people disrespect you this way! Cut them out of your life!

 

Yeah, do what this person said.

 

Thank you !

 

im not talking about bein gon the same forum as him, im talking about posting all these personal details about him and the situation taht are really indepth and feel like more than you would know just on your own. as for the other thread stuff, i just think its rude to detract a thread from its original question/overtake it and thats all im going ot say on that. tell yourself something anything as to why he cut you out if itll make you happy. tell yourself hes an asshole, a jerk, doesnt know how wonderful you are, etc etc etc and keep him out of your life as well. doesnt matter if other people would see it that way, but if you need a reason more than he has given and will give you, then make one up that satisfies you

 

riggs
omg dude wake up
those girls on those forum u were on are psychotic
they are stalkers
doint you even remember them following you here only to insult you both & cause trouble? dont you remember comming here just to escape them?
dont you remember psychotic attempts to force you apart including getting the law after you?
man i only witnessed a few days or a week of this crap,


lorna, my suspicion here is that riggs here cant talk to you because of his burried secrets, (your gay arent you? nothing wrong with that (could be wrong but dont think i am))
some people cant be easily brought across that threashold of confort, & openness is foreign to them, superficial conversations are all theyre capable of because exposing themselves is too scary
i think lorna wanted something deeper then a hollow friend to hang out with & talk about music & the weather, riggs cant talk about anything deeper without risking exposing himself, & along come a real genuine control freak or 2, & hes so scared of losing control he gives it up entirely to the 1st 1's to start bullying him into doing things..

these sweet girls you mentioned, how sweet is it of them in the 1 month you knew them to follow you to 7 other forums, only to force themselves between you & break up a 1 year long relationship? how sweet was it of them to threatten you with cops (even from a seperate country..lol idiots) if you ever talked to her again.. dont you remember comming here just 2 weeks ago to get away from them, & them following you here & being banned?

i'm not saying go back to lorna the 2 of u got way too much to work out 1st all im saying is these 2 psychos are fucking up yur head entirely, i strongly strongly suggesst a few weeks with no contact with any of them lorna included (sorry sweety but its for the best) to clear your head, & come back afterwards, talk to lorna 1st & really really concider never talking to those psycho manipulaters ever again,, dude i've looked through some of theyre posts, & i reallky think your dealling with only 1 person not 2 & some1 whos a master manipulator..& believe me i have alot of experience recognizing these types
beware

 

Thanks eagle and thanks allonym and thanks Matthew.

i agree with you, he also always like to interupt thread and palyed it as a game.
H eis not gay and thats not what is the problem. What he is hidding is something else.
We didnt met for friendship nad he official reason for not going deeper with me are that he cant let go of past pain, with a previous gf who was dead jealous, and her jealousy killed their relationship, and each tiem he comes close to me and want more, and it became more, suddendly he got that turn over, and fear and run away and any escape is good.
But he doesnt talk to me about it, and i am afraid he talk to those or this psycho about it, which made her more able to control him and manipulate him because she know where to push where its going to break him down and follow lead.
6 weeks ago he asked me about the size of my ring finger, the one for wedding ring, and did that too a week before then.
He was asking me where i wanted to live, how bif a house i prefered, how many rooms and bathrooms, and if it had to be the country side or city or beach, and that he was bying a house at the moment.
he also asked me about the garden and talk like if he wanted us to move together, even if it wasnt something that was going to happen immediatly, it was in the cards.
Then he was more distant, i ask him what was the matter, and he couldnt say, and wanted to talk about other things and post songs all the time, and we didnt talk much, he made it not possible, and couldnt say why at the same time.
He promised me he was going to. Tommorrow. and tomorrow again.
And we arranged that day, and angel contacted him, and short after sara, as he didnt want tot alk to angel, and he was posting in the forum that he feel like crying about his dead wife, but telling me in Pm at the same time that he was fine.
Thats when this sara that had just registered to that forum begin to PM him, and they were on PM for 4 hours non stop, and i knew instinctively she was with angel and htat it was atypical trap from angel, and tried to warn him, but he didnt answered him.
I also asked him to stop 5 minutes to tell me if he wanted tot alk to me now or not and if not then we could talk in the evening instead, cause i had things to do and i didnt wanted to spend so many hours just waiting, and that it was respectless of him to do so.
He didnt answered either but posted a very agressiv post in the forum against me and supporting sara. Already it had started, after just a few hours. In the evening it was fine, the day after i was banned at 7 am from that forum for stalking this sara who had just registered in the forum we had been into for 3 months..
We went to another, she followed, and another, she was into it and psoted to him as well. By banneing him she had him all for herself to brainwashed him and it worked.
But previously to that there ahd been a user, looking very much like this sara, who was telling a story of locking guy via internet and make tape of webcam, where the guy masturbated, and hidding her id, even she was his ex gf, as being soemone else, and destroying the guys life by emailing those things to his workplace, and to his boss, and making him lose his job and all.
And i also htink that "sara" is the same person than this one. the 2 things happeend at a few days interval, and in both case the girl contacted Riggs in PM immediatly. He wasnt interested, she got him and me a warning even it was unjustified..
It was looking like that girl was working at the same place as the guy, had the same friend than he had, and could follow everything, and that an older woman working there ahd also made a tape of the guy after getting him drunk, fuck with him, and then used that video of them fucking to accuse him of sexual harrassement so he lsot his job, together with the other one putting her masturbating web cam video on his website at work with email to it ot all workers and boss, so he get fired and black listed from all palces and had to move to cannada to found a job.
It looks like a insurrance company, and it look like those 2 women worked to gether to barbecue the guy, and they did so for no reasons at all, and sara got an IP at an insurance company and angle told she work a place where there is lawyers, which is also the prifile of an insurance company, so all in all it sounds like thats the same couple of girls doing the same kind of shit this time with Mel, and maybe used his email to his job to make problems for him.
It could also be that there is only one person, and that sara is angel in fact, and that she work at an insurance place and that she already did that kind of shit with a guy, and now is doing so with Mel/Riggs.
The things were weirds, and i warned him about it, but he thought it was nothing.
And now here we are..
Also the reason why he thought about his dead wife was that angel had open a thread about what made you the most sad what hurted you the most, and he wrote about the lost of the one you love, and the day after he was crying about it, it had put him back into those thougths, and she knew in advance about it..
All of it was planeed and it is a clear cut manipulation.
I have told him to give me an explaination, because in doing so it will force him to think back and to see clearer what happened, and to understand it.
It isnt he is leaving it is that he is insulting me and accusing me of things i have absolutly nothing to do with.
And i dont accept that. It is hard enough as it is, he dont have the rigth to also put the blame on me when i had and have absolulty no influence on it all along and on the outcome.
Its like he wants to give me the blame for suffering. And what he accuse me off are all things that they did to him and to me, so it makes no sense.

 

This is what he posted today at the other forum, just in between coming here, and he post that kind of things almost everyday, but dont seems to see the paradox with what he is himself doing to me!.

"Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 1:33 pm Post subject:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I agree with at has been said. Remember, no relationship is perfect, no matter what you do. Always talk things out will help to keep it a good one. Relationships are a lot work and give and take. Always talk things out, work it out, and try to never go to bed mad at each other."

He says " always talk things out" .. yeah, then why isnt he doing it now then? and why does he refuse tot alk things out since 5 weeks now, its only one week ago he said he didnt want to talk ot me because it was too dangerous for him and that he was so stressed and worried because of what this sara was doing to him..but he seems to have forgotten that, after 5 days, he call her "sweet girl", I think that it is very weird too.
Then Riggs, what about talking things out as you so nicely put it?