Things you have to believe to be a republican today

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.


Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and

a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.


Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade
with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.


A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.


The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.


If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.


A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.


Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.


HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at
heart.


Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.


A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense.


A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is

solid defense policy.


Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,

which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.


The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George Bush's driving record is none of our business.


Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers
for your recovery.


You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft
can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to
adopt.


What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but
what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.


Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other
people, we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years.


Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

 

@Great work

 

Those are funny, but mostly only apply to the Christian right.....some republicans are much more moderate than that.

i was watching a show with Pat Buchanan the other night. He was talking about "how the right went wrong." i actually agreed with about half of what he said, most of it dealing with the global economy and tariffs.

 

It's a sick silly world when we find ourselves agreeing with Pat Buchanan isnt it? lmao!

He is actually opposed to the war. I remember when Pat was as far right as Jerry Falwell.

the man must have had a near-death experiance or something.

 

I remember when Pat announced his run for the Presidency in 88. A group of Africans stormed the stage and held up signs saying "Pat is Duke Without the Sheet"

Good old Pat. He has such a warm hearted personality. He looks like a guard from the San Quentin prison.