This is really messing with me.

I really need some help. I'm a 23 year old guy who has always been straight. I sweated girls alot growing up, always having crushes, as early as 6th grade I can recall. I never found guys attractive and didn't think a thing of it. Then at 17ish, an odd thing happened. I found guys somewhat attractive, but this lasted maybe a week. It was like a switch on and off. This happened one other time when I was about 20. So strange, like one morning I woke up and had lots of anxiety and felt some gay feelings. Went away completely. Had several relationships with girls. Never thought twice about men. I was not lying to myself, I seriously didn't find men attractive at all. Never fantasized etc. Now the feelings are back, this time at 23. Same deal, like a switch. Saturday night I went out and was 100% into girls. Guys never even entered my head. Sunday morning I woke up with these feelings of anxiety...and once again guys look attractive to me and girls look less so.

I guess I'm just really confused because these feelings seem very forced. I find everything about girls attractive and always have. I have aspirations to marry and have children, and I'm with a great girl now who I see a future with hopefully. But these feelings confuse me.

Now time to be blatantly honest: My father died when I was 10 and I never had a solid father figure. Some of what attracts me to men, when I get these feelings is almost just to be held by a reassuring figure. It's not even so much sexual. It's like I want to be taken care of by a strong man. It just scares me because when you can so solidly identify with being straight your whole life and then all of a sudden at 23 you feel like this, it's a shocker for sure. Deep down I feel straight, and I'm trying to be honest with myself. But I have this sick feeling in my stomach and I'm anxiety ridden by these feelings because the girl I'm with, I want nothing more than to love her and make her happy.

The oddest thing is if the situation plays like previously, the feelings will go away and after a couple weeks I'll forget I even had them. Oh and to further explain: When I'm not getting these "feelings" the thought of a homosexual relationship is actually quite a turn off...the typical straight male reaction. I'm not a homophobe by any means it just does nothing for me, it is a turn off for sure. When it happened a few years back, when the feelings went away, I couldn't even look at a guy and produce any feeling...nothing that "interested" me previously was at all attractive.

Ideas? Damn, that was long. Sorry everyone.

 

try bi

 

It just seems surreal the way the feelings come on. It's so very fast. Like a light switch, literally. It is just bizarre. And they have gone just as fast. I don't know what to do. It's so stressful because it's like my mind has been invaded by these thoughts that are so alien. I've searched the internet far and wide and can't really find any information that relates to how I feel. It's alot of the "I knew since I was 7" or "I knew since I was 15". Granted I have read it can happen at any age, it just seems kind of silly to go for the most part, 24 years almost completely straight with an intense interest in women and everything about them, then all of a sudden want to cuddle with a guy.

Maybe I'm wrong...but it seems wild.

 

One more thing, I realize I'm rambling on like an idiot but I feel the need to share.

I met a girl about 2 months ago, she was in my class. We were in a group together, nothing big. I started to get a crush on her when we met outside work for a few drinks. We made out and it was great. I was completely obsessed with her, but unfortunately she didn't reciprocate and I eventually ahd to give up on her. But my feelings were so intense and I wanted to get with her so bad I almost would cry when she wouldn't call me back or pick up my calls. I was seriously into this girl. That whole ordeal is one of the main reasons I'm so out of my mind right now...it's like how can I go from that, to this all within a month or so.

 

Dude. Def stange. And I have no idea what to tell ya. All this sounds very alien to me and like no other gay or bi dudes situation or opinions I have ever heard. SO I def can see where you are not finding anything relating too it. I will atleast believe ya though in all this and if you are telling the truth and this is how you feel.I say you should maybe set down and take lots of time and ask yourself what in the hell is going on in your head and what do ya want in someone?! Sexuality has never been something that I could switch on or off like a light switch and I dont think many other gay or bi dudes feel that way either.. had it been.. I wouldnt have been a homo for going on 24 years now. I have always knew I was gay and pref dudes over women. As far as the stuff with your father..that also doesnt make much sense to me either. I was raised by a single father with two bro's and I still turned out gay. And not having my mother in no way made me look for a womanly figure or have that need to want to be with one for whatever the reason in that lack of having one around?! I honestly am stumped to your situation and wish ya luck. Only you will figure it out. If you start acting upon these thoughts with dudes..might wanna consider things a lot more especially!

 

I have a strange personality to some extent. I fixate on things very intensely for short periods of time. For instance, I was tanning quite frequently, and I started getting super worried about skin cancer and would fixate on all my freckles and moles. Eventually it passes. Same thing if I read about any medical conditions. I fixate INTENSELY for about a week until I move on to the next thing. It never interferes with my life to any large extent, I never really talk about it and nobody suspects. It's almost like these feelings are a part of the rotation. Every few years they pop up and then they go away when I move on to the next "obsession".

That and I just cried (and I NEVER cry) at the thought of not being able to spend a long life with my current girl. It breaks my heart.

I want to say I'm an idiot and I'll forget all about this stuff in a week...but the thoughts of "Wow, what if these feelings never go away" is what has my world upside down.

 

Sounds like you may have some mental issues. No offense. Most do! OCD of some sort even perhaps. You will be ok though! If you move from things so easily..as you said..you will prob move on again from this jus like everything else. So it will be a distant memory all too soon and I wouldn't let it effect you to the level that you are letting it. I dont see any reason why you cant spend your life with whom ever you choose despite these things. That will be up to you. You can do pretty much anything if you want

 

I appreciate the advice Matt. I'm going to try and relax and not think about it. I'm seeing my girl tonight and I can't wait. I just want to be with her and forget the world. I'm considering telling her about this, but I don't know if it's worth giving her anything to play up in her head if ultimately this hiccup is nothing that will affect our lives.

 

yea. I may wait and not say anything unless it keeps re-occuring. Otherwise she may freak out over it.

 

do you see your self having sex with another man?

 

I can use my imagination to picture it. It certainly doesn't turn me on like the thought of a female. Breasts...a big round ass, all the features of a girl are exciting. It's kind of strange with the men...I don't really want sex. It's goofy, it's like I want to cuddle and just have a strong figure. I'm guessing this may be some weird psychological need manifesting itself in the form of me thinking I have homosexual tendencies.

It's like no matter what I think consciously...I FEEL that deep down I'm straight and I was supposed to be with women. Maybe that counts for more than any little feeling I try to think so deeply in to. Oh well, I gotta go to work, hopefully this all sorts itself out very soon.

 

Well here I am a couple days later, and still very confused. I'm starting to think I'm losing my mind. I'm making myself sick analyzing my thoughts. I had a wild night of sex with my girlfriend, rock hard, totally into her the other night. Attraction is very high. I just can't seem to shake these feelings. I will look at other girls and my attraction is lessened somewhat. Previously I'd give a second glance to anything with breasts. Now it's not so intense. I do feel however that these feelings are making me appreciate my girlfriend that much more. I feel so secure and safe when I'm with her...almost like I'm getting the "security" I'm wanting from a man from her. Very intriguing.

Right now as I'm writing this, I feel relaxed. The stress is gone and I just want my girl and these feelings are subsided. It's the anxiety that goes along with them that's driving me insane. I sleep like 15 hours a day cause I'm so stressed my body needs way more sleep than normal (I'm guessing). I did have a dream the other night, it was about a girl I was trying to get with. Not sure if that counts for anything.

I realize I'm just going on and on, but it's helping me with my feelings somewhat.

 

I came out at 14, at 22 or so, I started having weird feelings about girls, so I dated a few, had sex with a few, etc.

Your feelings are just feelings. They aren't right or wrong. Relationships with men aren't that much different than relationships with women.

It sounds to me that you are feeling guilt because you have these feelings while you are in a loyal relationship.

Feelings are just that. Just because you have them doesn't mean you have to act on them.

At the same time, from my perspective it seems like you are conflicted.

Do you wish to explore these feelings? Would it be possible to include your girlfriend is this exploration? Perhaps the two of you can explore it together by finding a third?

How do you think your girlfriend would respond to such a suggestion?

 

So my original post was on June 15th. It is now July 13th, almost 1 month later. During that time period I have gone from almost no gay feelings, feeling like I used to, to feelings where I thought the entire world was caving in on me. I'm still not sure what is going on.

I just find it so impossible that I could go almost 23 years as a 100% heterosexual and then suddently one day find men attractive.

One thing I have noticed is that I get excited if I see large breasts a great ass, will follow girls around the store I work at to get a second look. I don't do this for guys. I am so conflicted it's crazy. With guys it's almost like I want to snuggle up and lie with one. It's not sexual it's completely emotional. With women, it's almost as if it's become less emotional and more sexual.

The anxiety I get over these feelings however is so strong at times it's almost debilitating. It's a very tangible feeling of pressure in my chest that just makes me want to break down.

I just want it to go away. It's really putting alot of stress in my life and I was 100% happy with my heterosexual lifestyle. Never once did I wish for more.

I can also very clearly see myself extremely comfortable around gay men, not judgement, I had a "good for you" type of attitude, do what you want, don't let anyone judge you. But never once did my mind wander to think about men. I am so dead serious when I say there were never any even remotely homosexual thoughts in my head EVER. This is so out of left field it's utterly out of control.

That's the bottomline. It's not like this crept on slowly, or that I always knew, or that I even was curious. It is like my brain was implanted with all these thoughts with a syringe. Things I could never even have dreamed of...like laying next to a man with his arm around me...now is comforting (leading back to my "just wanting to be held" feelings).