Making out but no sex?

i don't understand why a person can't want to make out and get naked... maybe even do oral or something.. and still not want sex. is it really a girl thing? do all guys honestly want all or nothing? because frankly that sucks. i always thought ppl could do things other than intercourse and be okay with that. i'd also like to think ppl can set limits without the other person saying, if there's no sex there should also not be any kissing or sleeping in the same bed. and if the other person really feels that way (to avoid blue balls or whatever) they should say something, cut the "foreplay" short and go home.

if she was smiling at you while she said no, it was probably either because she didn't want you to get pissed and walk out because all you wanted was sex, or maybe she was actually having fun making out with you...?

i just seriously don't get it... shouldn't the leadup to sex be more than just public outings? shouldn't there be a progression towards it that includes other firsts? is this mentality seriously just a girl thing?

 

Well as a guy I´ll say that I think about sex a hell of a lot. When I meet a woman I kind of ´rate´ her instantly, if I´m attracted to her I think about sex. I don´t think this is unusual for a bloke.

I know I´m going to get pelters for his, but when I date a girl my primary objective is to have sex with her - all else follows. If any guy tells you different, which many will, they are lying, it´s an instinct.

I couldn´t date a girl who had a terrible personality, it´s certainly not ALL about sex by any means, I am still very fond of an ex in a platonic way. But for us guys, in the initial stages at least it´s about sex.

After the pre-dating flirting (months), the initial couple of ´get to know you´ dates and several making out dates, I feel there´s ben enough foreplay...I´m a man, I want sex!

 

hell no

I LOVE foreplay

 

I spoke to her about this last night and she told me that she wants to wait a few months before having sex as she´s been used before. She said that she doesn´t want the relationship to be principally sexual and just wants to make out and frolick, but no actual sex.

 

Sounds like a normal 18 year old girl to me. Having been with girls that wait, and girls that want sex right away, invariably the girls who wait are a better "investment".. that sounds weird but you know what I mean.

But it depends on personal desires. You have a chance to really connect with her on another level and in all likely hood she's not going to use you for sex, which happens a lot actually....

Then again, you're both 18 and as fate would have it, you'll probably break up. So I suppose you just need to decide whether or not you're waiting for the right reasons or not.

 

It sounds to me like she said no, and you didn't believe her. I don't want to sound like you make a point of ignoring her... because it also sounds like she was sending mixed signals in giggling & being playful with her responses rather than making herself clear... but she HAD told you no several times.

I think it's an awesome thing that you both talked this over - If I were a guy I could've taken something like that the "wrong way" too. And communication is STILL the key to any lasting relationship! But now that you know where she stands, hopefully you both can grow from here.
love,
mom

 

Well there's obviously not been enough courtship and foreplay for her yet cos u can't get there without jumping onto wanting sex at YOUR pace. With these things the couple really has to move at the pace of the one that is slowest to be aroused. You've not aroused her yet, why, cos u can't handle the foreplay.
Tigerlily and myself have both mentioned there has to be a lead up to sex and ur not giving it to her cos u wanna bypass all that and go straight to sex.
Cunnilingus Guides

Your other option is to find another girl but realize that most girls her age are like her so you'll be starting all over again.

 

I think a lot of women dont understand or just do not really give it any thought that a man can be ready fully erect and hurting in about one minute if he is attracted to the girl.I was dating a woman that was several years older than me,we were on the couch kissing,rubbing,and lots of contact,i was just testing to see what she was ready for,i reached through the leg of her shorts and started fingering her,she just layed ther and let me do it not resisting in any way,if she would have let on like she didnt want me to i would have stopped,after a while she laughed and said your dreaming if you think were going to have sex.The point im trying to make is that the girl let things go to far if she had no intention of having sex,being they were just dating she should not have been undressing in front of him and teasing him so much even though she ment no harm,she was saying one thing but her actions were saying different,sounds like just a misunderstanding.

 

and men must not give any thought to how most women love the foreplay/teasing and thats how most of us derive the bulk of our sxual satisfaction...

such silliness. in the op's situation he was claerly told before anything truly hot and heavy happened that there was gonna be no sex tonight. a person can say no and then be having a good time and thus be giggling later on that evening.

 

So now we've come to this conclusion:
no making out
no foreplay
no teasing
no sex, not ever

Wow what loads of fun u guys are.

 

damn that sux man... i would b mad 2 if a girl did that to me.. i dont know how i do it but i have alot of game and i can get girls to go all the way

 

And men get most of their sexual satisfaction through orgasm, achieved by any means (Sex, HJ, BJ or other) . So when the first few months are nothing more than foreplay and teasing, then the bulk of the womans sexuality is being satisfied where as the bulk of the mans is not. Im not saying women should give it up or be obligated to get guys off anytime theres foreplay or teasing, but it should go to show why theres such frustration among men on the subject. Women are being satisfied where as men are not. Sexuality as a whole is slanted almost entirely in womens favour, at least in this culture.

that being said, to the OP, she stated quite clearly many times that there would be no sex involved. At that point you can work your psyche around that and not get too into it, if you left with a feeling of letdown it was because you hyped up what she clearly said wasnt going to happen. Its okay for her to deny you and she gave ample warning before things got to heated. We dont always get what we want, so just take a breather, and chalk it up to another life experience

 

Well said dangermoose,in general a man gets no pleasure at all in foreplay,the only joy in it is knowing she likes it and it might lead to sex.These modern times have really changed things for men and women,there is a lot more pressure on a man to do everything right than there ever was years ago,we cant do anything about the mens body works or the way womens body works.Every man no matter who he is wants to satisfy his wife or girlfreind in every way possible,but the truth of the matter is that women are constantly putting more pressure on men to be able to do ever thing exactly right sexually.I once worked the night shift at a factory,there was two of us men and nine women,one of the women who had been married for a long time made the remark that her husband was incapable of satisfying her sexually,she made the remark[bless his heart he sure tries and he is a wonderfull man but he just can not give me any pleasure] i hope he never hears her saying this.there needs to be a common ground where men and women can satisfy each other.

 

That's debatable. While there are considerate guys like yourself and others, some deal with this situation by date raping, they DEMAND their O with complete disregard for the girl's satisfaction or emotional well being. That finally had to be said.

 

why can't you guys still have orgasms without having sex? i mean girls like foreplay to get them ready for orgasm... that doensn't mean we don't enjoy our orgasms. obviously guys need a Little bit of encouragement to orgasm too, even if it ends up being the actual penetrating... and i have known more than one guy who didn't really care if the girl had an orgasm or not and will get theirs anyway... think about times where the girl's having a hard time orgasming but still gives the guy head. you guys do enjoy blowjobs right? don't blowjobs count as foreplay?

oh and i completely disagree that sexuality is slanted in favor of women in today's culture. from what i see, it revolves around both parties reaching orgasm, or at least enjoying theirselves, and imo that's how it should be. it's a nice change from times past..

 

you get the girls that you get to go all the way
if you moved over to a different type of gal, I bet she wouldn't touch you

 

I disagree, of course there are the more sexually powerful men (I can be quite potent at times )
but the (male) world is too homophobic for sexuality to be shifted evenly at all

 

i would count oral as sex, just as i would count a HJ as sex. In those instance the mans sexuality is being satisfied because he's reaching an orgasm, and really the guy cant complain, penetration certianly isnt NEEDED to satisfy. To me foreplay are things that dont result in orgasm

as far as sexuality being slanted in womens favour, i geuss i have to back that up since the women seem to disagree. one point would be something duck brought up.

generally boys are for girls, where as girls and for boys and girls.
so thats 2 points for girls
1 point for guys
In this culture women are far more acepting of, and aroused by other naked women, than men are acepting of and aroused by naked men. There is a prejudice agaisnt male bi/homosexuality, but a VERY open and encouraged feeling towards womens bi/homosexuality

another would be that generally what women want is foreplay/the tease, where as what men is the sexual peak resulting in orgasm, in relationships foreplay and the tease is a given, where as orgasm is not. so the chances of women getting what they want are higher than a man getting what he wants. also the chances of there being orgasm, but no lead up foreplay is very remote, but the chances of there being foreplay/the tease and no resulting orgasm is much higher.
In promiscuous sexuality, women get the bad end of the stick with the label of slut and men get the good end with the label of player, HOWEVER, if a woman is to avoid this label of slut, then there needs to be multiple dates, the tease and forplay before any sex. so in essence women have to get what they want multiple times for extended periods of time before they will consider giving into the mans desires..despite the fact that the entire persual relationship is giving into the womans desires. So even the negative labels really work in the womans favour.

as far as performance in bed is concerned, the onus falls onto the man. If a guys not hard, its because 'he's a fag' or 'not man enough' ect ect, where as if a womans not wet, its because the guy isnt doing his job, he's not doing enough to arouse her. In private the woman may feel that it was her fault that the guy wasnt hard, but if she related the story to a group of people
"i tried having sex with Todd the other day, but he couldnt get it up" the response from the group would most likely be of mockery towards Todd. Where as if Todd were to go to a group of friends and say "I tried to have sex with Cindy last night but she wasnt wet" The response will generally be various ways for Todd to improve his performace in bed to further arouse. Either way if sex doenst work out, societty views it as the mans problem.

Lastly and deffinatly not least, comes the fact that women can get it anytime they want it. Men can not, and that in and of itself puts sexuality in womens favour.
if a 40 yo man wants some no strings sex, hes a dirty old man. if a 40 yo woman wants so no strings attached sex, shes a cougar

Rejection is a tough thing to face, and men have to face it far more often than women do on the sexual playing field.

 

I agree with dangermoose - if one (or both) partners had an orgasm, it was sex.

I do agree that women's needs are met easier & sooner in relationships also - and yeah, that doesn't seem fair to men. But... sheesh, men do know other ways to deal with that than pressuring their girlfriends!

love,
mom

 

btw my post was more tongue in cheek than anything else, over the other poster essentially saying women dont understand mens sexuality. generally, women undenrstand mens sexuality as well as men understand womens. aka some do really well, and some havent a clue

i would say that in a situation where a woman is respect, sexuality is slanted in her favour. ie a mans duty to get his woman off, that kidn of junk. when the man i sthe one respected (and in situations where there isnt mutual respect), its slanted against the woman, ie shes a slut for wanting to fuck on the second date. ive been called a dirty std ridden whore for fucking someone on the third date, by that dates ex. who he then went back to a couple days later. believe me, the labels sting

as for sexual dysfunction... the attitude towards it soooooo depeneds on the partner. ive had partners who figured that a little intercourse would wet me up more... and sex without appropriate lubrication can be really quit epainful, durin gand afterward. or theyll say the love how tight i am at the start and theyll add lube later and of course havent. ive always ALWAYS felt incredibly embarrased about how i dont get really wet, never been a panty soaker as it were... and have never had anyone be supportive of me not being uber wet save for my current boyfriend