Unison Of the Soul Two souls Embrace, Underneath the scintillating sky, Where the stars smile softly, Beside the melopoeic moon, And the wind whispers gently, Through a sea of scarlet trees. Promising to keep silent. The two souls Emerge As one, Permitting the crisp air, To dance around their shimmering skin, Stripping off their hermetic layers, As their identities are exposed. Opening the windows, To their Solid souls. The mask of innocence, slips secretly Falling to the ground Allowing their souls to blossom, Like a wild scarlet rose. While the night sleeps silently Two hearts beat together, As one soul Emerges, Underneath the scintillating sky.
For a first poem in this forum it isn't a bad effort. It shows that you've put thought into your work. That is the positive criticism. One negative thing that it is also showing, however, is that it is also "hard at work" trying to impress. If I could make a recommendation. You show you have a love for words. That is a very good start. You can crack stones open with that skill, but it is also a skill that needs to be used in moderation. Learn to be a judge of your own words. You know that you don't have to impress anyone. Now believe it. Show it. Life around us is simpler than most people realize, and the simplest things in life is the cream of every artist. Write a poem that will connect you to your reader like an electric cord. Use your words like voltage. Lose the pink, keep it simple, and let the beauty of the soul your parents gave you do the talking. Don't force the words out. Chill and listen to your emotions. Be critical with your poetry, read a lot of it as well, and after a few more poems, you'll be kicking some ass around here.
