My child's teacher is insensitive

OMG I need to vent. My child's teacher is having the kids spend 2 weeks making hardcover books for their dads for Fathers' Day. That's super. Good dads deserve good gifts. (So do good moms, but I just got a dying plant from this class...)

However....my kid doesn't have a good dad. She hasn't seen or heard from her dad in 3 years. We tried to get a hold of him. He changed his phone numbers and told his mom that if she tells me how to contact him he'll change it again and not give it to her.

So, my 7-yr-old tells her teacher that she can't give it to her dad because she can't find him. She cries. The teacher has her make it for her dad's dad. HE moved and didn't tell us. We haven't seen him in 2 1/2 years. She can't remember what he looks like.I tracked him down, though.

So, she cried at home and she cried to her therapist about this. I talked to the teacher. I said that certainly mine wasn't the only child who had a flaky parent. I know that's true. I asked her if my kid could do something else. Dammit.

She acted bewildwered. Finally, she agreed to let my kid leave and do something else.

Why the hell are they even doing that for 2 fucking weeks in class? Couldn't they just butt out and assume that kids who have dads will do that at home? It makes me so mad that every day for 2 weeks she has to make a gift for the dad and grandpa who have treated her like shit.

 

Thats wrong. That is not in the ACT, if you know what i mean. They have to go by what they have learnt (teachers) Some don't give a crap. I know mine didn't in grade school. And i had such a flaky teacher for 3 years . Just praise your daughter for what a great job shes done and also just remind her that its okay to be upset She has a right to be upset at the teacher and for being in a place where she doesn't want to be. I would take that scenerio straight to the Board of Education and have the co-ordinatior (sp?) take it up with her .

Talk with your daughter about her feelings and have open communication. Your are her sole custodial parent you are her mother and father. When i wasn't taken care of emotionally or mentally properly by my mother i always used to give mothers day cards to my dad because my mother was never there for me. I know its hard to see your child go through this but i know you can work around how stupid the teacher is being. Go above her head

 

Oh, I am SO sorry! That sounds absolutely terrible. Sounds like she hasn't got a grandpa she could make the book for either, huh?

I'd go over her head too - This isn't pertinent to her long-term education, there's NO reason she HAS to do something like this!

Maybe she could make a book... but for someone else?!? Like mama or a grandmom or out-of-state auntie?!? Then she'd be doing the same project, but it could go to someone that would appreciate it, ya know? ((((((hugs!!!))))))
love,
mom

 

I was thinking that too.
It is really stupid and insensitive for teachers to make assumptions like that about student's home lives.
Two weeks for one project seems excessive anyway.

 

By what i have been taught in any school well day care throuh age 12 .. they have to go through the guidelines and standards of the DNA (days nurseries Act) 0-12 yrs old. in there there are so many requirements. CIA for instance. Cultural, Individual Age Appropiateness


When teachers like that WANT to do WHAT they WANT to do , its called greedy they aren't thinking of the children. There are so many broken families out there so many single parents whether mom or dads there are aunts taking care of children CAS also known as CPS and children in foster care. So how are teachers supposed to a ssume that children have the brightest life. Children are brilliant yes, but are some lives no. Because of what some have to go through.

Some ppl just don't think.
Makes me mad esp when happening to children

 

I don't think the teacher was trying to be insensitive, it just sounds like she's incredibly naive and not the brightest person. Most teachers think ahead enough to have alternative assignments or to at least not specify who the gift is for- saying that it could be for your father, or your mother, or anyone important in your life.

All I'm saying is that her intentions were probably good, she just didn't think it through the way she should have.

 

Why are they in school for father's day anyway? Do y'all do year around schooling there or is it preschool?

If one doesn't have a father, or any other male relative, I'd have them do it for anyone they cared about and did have a close relationship. A two week project is a long time for something like this. Wow.

 

I think you are over reacting. I dont think the teachers mission was to make you or your child angry or for her to cry. It was jus a silly assignment which she will have many more of in her years. Had you jus asked if your daughter could make the book for you instead..i dont think it would have been a big deal and the teacher prob wouldnt have given a shit. And I hope you aren't telling this 7 year old child her father or grandpa doesnt care about her or letting her here you say anything of the sort..Jus sayin! Let the child deal with that in her own way. Dont draw attention or dramatics to something if the child doesn't see it as a big deal or brings it up first to you. Also coming from a child who had bad parenting all his life..I would recommend NOT sending her to a therapist at such an early age either. This is jus gonna damage her worse if she has people on her back telling her how she should feel. Let her deal with her own issues and find herself or she will resent you for it!

 

Matthew ... What you have just stated doesn't need to be justified. WHAT you went through in YOUR life IS totally different than what Levi's child is going through.


Levi's stated her daughter was "bewildered".

I on the other hand had a so so life. Parents divorced early and my health conditions worsened. Since i'm older now i know what the truth is I know what really happened I love my parent that took very good care of me and you know i take care of CHILDREN that have Challenges and don't know any better. Better yet , i councel when needed. So Watch how you say things because EVERYONE in this world is a total individual.

 

Perhaps she could make the gift for you, Levi, since you are doing both jobs.

 

Why in the f do they do this for two weeks? Answer.. so they don't have to teach the child that much. Sorry, at the most, it should only take a few days to make the gift. In my opinion.. education is more important than making a gift for a dead beat parent, that can't appreciate his gift from God, muchless a f'n book he or she made him.

 

A lot of places are still in school for this year. Here in New Jersey, most schools don't get out for another week or so. It's not unusual for school to last ten months now.

Kathi

 

well, this is interesting...

today my son brought home a picture frame he made at school. it had a picture of him glued into it. on the picture frame it said 'I LOVE DAD' in big letters. it was in a gift bag with a poem about dads. i was kind of shocked at first. my son's father abandoned him 6 years ago. he hasn't seen him since. i was trying to decide what to say to my son or do about it, when he told me he wanted me to take the picture out of the frame. the only way to do that was to tear up the 'i love dad' frame. so i tore the handmade paper frame off the pic and trimmed the glue off and gave it to him. i threw the frame away. he was satisfied. i wondered how much talk about 'dads' he had to endure at school because of this project. weird...

 

im a preschool teacher, and for the parents that I knew didnt have dads... well Im in the infant room so I just made frames with their pictures in them but the outside on the ones that didnt have dads just said summer 2007. And I gave it to their Moms.

 

my son's teacher knew that he was abandoned by his father and hadn't seen or heard from him for six years. i guess her lesson plan was more important to her than his feelings...i dunno.

 

those teachers suck and you have every right to pull them up on the way they have behaved and even call attention to the lessons with the principals and such. Schools need to cater to a wide range of family situations and a good teacher will be able to tweak the project to suit the children and their job is definitely to not make a child feel alienated, confused, or anything apart from normal....
damn this shit makes me grumpy, go and kick up a stink, if you don't do it then it will just be done to some poor other child the next time this teacher doesn't think properly about her/his lessons....*rant rant rant*

 

See, this is what pisses me off. This is the THIRD year that one of my kids has been in her class, the THIRD time we've had this stupid talk. This teacher doesn't learn. (She used to go to my ex-FIL's church. She has one and only one concept of what a family can be, I think.)

So, Each year my kids get upset and each year I talk to her about it. You all have come up with several good suggestions. Why on earth does she need so much help figuring that out? Ideally, the kids could have made books for someone special. No pressure. Or a book about the school year. Or something. But no, every damn year they do this project and my kids get upset.

Well, now the school year is over and we're done with her.

Wednesday was my dd's birthday and her dad called. His mom called me earlier in the day and asked if he could, as if I'm so scary. So after 3 long years he called my kids and acted like nothing ever happened.

His mom said that he didn't feel like he was ready to talk to them on a regular basis on the phone, and he wants them to e-mail him. The kids were having a hard time understanding his e-mail address, so I asked for the phone, and he handed it to his mom. This is the guy who tried to hit me with the car, who threw furniture at me, and so on. Now he's afraid to talk to me? But he told the kids he'll visit. Well, he better talk to me if he wants to visit, because if he shows up unannounced I'll probably call the cops...

He made them promises and they're excited and I just don't want then to get their hearts broken again. Fuck.

 

i think there's a certain level of judgemental thinking involved with these things...if you didn't have a good marriage and provide a father for your child, i think you're somehow seen to be at fault by some people. so therefore, all these irritations, humiliations and slights are seen as your due. i could be wrong in some cases...but i definitely get that vibe sometimes. then there's always the element of people not giving a damn to be considerate of the feelings of others...even kids.

but, damn...if anyone had tried to hit me with a car or thrown furniture at me, they'd damn well better be afraid to get near me! geezuz!