Hi - I have a situation that I would really like to have the opnion of a guy. I'm not being sarcastic, I'm just trying to understand what is going on. I have recently been involved with someone, not to the point of having sex, but have done everything but the actual act - and I'm married. Don't be quick to judge here. I have been very happy with the husband for a long time and about 7 months ago he just stopped the physical part. I've tried for weeks to try to get him to talk to me and work this out but he won't. I really don't think he's having an affair. We've had times like this in the past where one of us has lost some desire, but never for more than a couple of weeks. About 4 weeks ago a co-worker, that I've been friends with for 4 years, and he is single started kissing (my advance). I've had feelings for him for years, but never felt the urge to act on them. As this relationship has progressed, many times we said we wouldn't cross certain lines, but we have. All but actual sex. A few days ago he tells me he can't do this anymore because of my marital situation. So I'm really confused on how he was OK with it all until a few days ago. Why would you wish to stop something you enjoy so much? As long as you both know what the expectations are and are both honest with each other. What is it that would make you want to stop? I've told 'the other man' many times that I totally enjoy what we do and how good it feels, should I not do that? I never led him to think I'd leave my marriage for him. It's just about feeling good and having certain needs met. So, here I am with 2 men who both say the care for me and want me, but neither one wants to act on it. Anyone want to give their thoughts on this one, either from the husband or 'other man' viewpoint. While I prefer some male opinion here, ladies are welcome to join in. Thanks!
"Why would you wish to stop something you enjoy so much? " Guilt. Feeling umcomfortable with the situation.
Well its a diffic situation for the other guy. You start doing it with the 2nd guy , then you might start hating him , because u blame him for your marriage dying. Or the new guy thinks he's used as stepping stone to you getting divorved. Also the new guy knows u really well , so maybe he feels involved with u already and wants more clarity from the situation.Plus he didnt have the chance to go further with u years ago , so maybe he doesnt want to be at your beck and call now you want sex. ie he has some" pride " perhaps. Alertnatively maybe he just wanted fun , and thinks you could be damaged by letting things go furthre. I cant follow the situation with your husb.Is it all over? I think not? This is pivotal in it all. Dont be surprised if both of the guys really value you.You cant just infer this or that without investigating. I cant really give an opinion as yet, because theres too many unknowns. At the moment tho , you have to think , people dont like being built up to be knockeddown again. Makes any sense?
i hafta agree he probly was carried away with the feelin good but then had some time to think & realize the possible perils of getting involved with a married woman. too much potential for disaster id let guy 2 go peacefully & try to rekindle the rommance with husband fool9in around behind his back aint gonna help, u think its unknown to him & doesnt affect him but he knows somethings wrong & thats why its been months since hes wanted ya you cant reignite the fires of love by starting a few sparks away from it if somethings missing in your relationship then thats where u need to concentrate your energies to fix it, not outside it or you'll end up with neither guy
thats my bet too id feel incredibly guilty if i was working towards the destruction of anothers relationship, ie a marriage
Not sure if you alread read my response to your question in my thread "Cheating ..or not?" but maybe ur guys has similar reasons as mine.
yea the new guy is feeling guilty and doesnt want to do things anymore cause he feels bad.. but maybe thats a good thing because you have a husband and what about your vows?
talk to your husband, tell him how your feeling, and if possible get permission to step out of the relationship for sexual satisfaction, if you love him dearly and the only problem is the lack of sex, then he may be okay with it. Then again perhaps hes trying to punish you for something you did and by going outside of the relationship you're unduing his 'punishment' which could be hurting him just as much as you...
