So, I just got back home from a mate's house and have stuff on my mind now. It seems every time I go over there there is always something said that makes me bit irked off. Here's what happened .. Mate (44 yrs old) had us over for dinner with her, her seven year old daughter, and her 23 year old son. Her son and my hubby have been friends for ages, and because of this I have ended up spending time with her and tend to talk to her most of our visits. Well as we were sitting down for dinner. The 7yr old turns to the 23 yr old and says "you're gay." There was nervous laughter and such, and the 23 yr old (who isn't gay - not that it makes a point in the story) asks her where she got that from. The 7 yr old responds "from the street." The 23yr old asks "do you even know what that means?" My husband interjects that there would "techinically be two meanings. From past days of being "happy" and more modernly ..." But then he's cut off, as her mum pipes up and says, there's no need for her to know what the "modern" definition is. I felt like saying "WHY?" What the hell is wrong with a 7year old kid knowing what being gay is? This isn't the first time things have come up when we are over there that I just want to shout out "NO ... that's not how things are supposed to be!" But I usually end up biting my tongue. The mum, is VERY particular about things. One of the things she feels for certain is that ANYONE older knows more/better. So, even though I'm 30 - or close enough - MY viewpoints or facts will always take the backseat in her mind as she's 44 and knows more. Being that this involved her daughter I really didn't feel like I could say anything. But I just don't understand the mentality of purposefully NOT teaching your children things. Especially because kids aren't stupid. On the schoolground or "the street" (not that I think this girl even knows what THAT means) someone is going to teach her daughter what it is to be gay. That teaching may be something highly negative, and why should it have to be? Why not just teach her the correct things from the beginning. I'm just looking to get your viewpoints on what took place, as well as to find out how you would deal with it if you do/did have kids. Personally, if I had children I'd want them to be educated properly about all things. And, if they came to me using terms they didnt' understand I'd want to teach them so they know what they were talking about. I dunno. I had to get this out of my system though, because I feel like every time I go over there there is always SOMETHING that happens and it sticks in my head like a freakin splinter poking at my brain and won't go away until I have been able to vent it to someone. Not sure sometimes why I bother going over there. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the people; and get on with them quite well, but it's the ignorance that bothers me. I try hard to avoid such ignorance about race/sexuality unless I can do something to change it, but in these situations I feel like my hands are tied. I feel like if I open my mouth then I will be the one offending, and I don't want to seem rude to someone who is feeding me and my husband when they didn't have to. I don't really know what to do anymore. But this is a situation that has been bothering me for awhile. I mean, I don't want to be one of those people that sits back and nervously laughs (as i don't know what else to do) while others are being racist/homophobic or what have you. I'm all for "respecting my elders" but I also don't consider someone that isn't even old enough to be my mother an "elder". *ughs* Sorry ... just needed to vent. Maybe someone will offer some sparse glimmers of sanity to the situation for me.
I can understand your frustration. I don't have any kids personally, so maybe I don't know anything about it, but I always thought that when a child starts to ask about things it's the right time to tell them. In a way they can understand of course. But apart from that, I don't think you should let other people bother you so much. I tend to think that we have all had different experiences in life and we're all kind of doin' our best to get along with what we've learned so far. The only person you can really change is you, so what's important is to do your best to be the person you want to be and try to accept other people as they are.
my friend is 15 and her uncle was gay. from a young age she knew about being gay, and various other things. i believe her mum had a transvestite friend who she saw come downstairs dressed as a woman having gone up as a man. its done her no harm. if anything shes completely open minded and cool and intelligent!
welcome to the forum, Orchidea. Thanks for the advice as well. I do let things bother me too much at times. I have a really hard time just sitting back and not saying anything though, but I realize my mouth can sometimes get me in trouble, even if it has the best of intentions.
ironically her older brother came downstairs one day when the father was visiting and his mum had gone out and found the little girls dad in the kitchen in bra and knickers. *not kidding*
