slipped and fell

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by dark_hippy, Jun 29, 2007.

  1. dark_hippy

    dark_hippy Member

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    i slipped and fell into a puddle,
    a puddle made from rain,
    and my landing was not very subtle,
    it was full of pain.

    i had a choice to make right then,
    the choice to sit and soak,
    but if i did and gave right in,
    the water would make me choke.

    so i stood right up and wrung me out,
    looked up into the sky,
    i'll smile now instead of pout,
    and i will always try.
     
  2. dark_hippy

    dark_hippy Member

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    does no one like, nor want to critisize my poem? WTF
     
  3. blackheartbitch

    blackheartbitch Member

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    its ok...idk y but its not my favorite
     
  4. while lee

    while lee Member

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    im going to use it till the day i die love u2 times
     
  5. CrystalShip

    CrystalShip Member

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    I really like it. simple, well laid out and gives a nice message. :)
     
  6. WoodRat

    WoodRat Banned

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    Makes me think of all the times I slept out in the ran, that would be a very topical set of thoughtful mannerisms, to cross my mind as it went into a nice triggering of cross dimensia zen.

    So that's my feedback, in liue of "criticism".
    Sometimes it works better when you critique for yourself, after a counter analogy is presented to the original desing.
    Keep on writtin'
    peace.
     
  7. dark_hippy

    dark_hippy Member

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    interesting
     
  8. WoodRat

    WoodRat Banned

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    Even more so when you're looking up at the sky through all the foliage in the swmp...

    But that's the strength of perserverence...and dark hollistics.
     

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