impending birth and my frustration (long)

Well i am currently 36 weeks pregnant with my sixth child. Let me
tell you a brief rundown of my past births so you can understand a
bit.

Birth 1 8Lb 13 oz girl, ended up having a 3rd or 4th degree tear ouch.
Had to have repairative surgury months after the birth.

Birth 2 8lb 15 oz boy, it was suggested i have a c-sec i insisted on
having a vag birth and did so with a mediolateral episiotomy (to the
side on an angle)

Birth 3 7lb 4 oz girl my smallest, born in a birth center the best
and most rewarding birth of all

Birth 4 7lb 14 oz boy, had prenatal care with CNM and planned birth
center birth, however my water was broken well over 24 close to 48
hours and no signs of labor. With everything having been tried, i
went into the hospital. Baby was showing signs of stress, csec was
discussed and we went ahead with this.

Birth 5 8lb 12oz boy, i had origannally planned a VBAC, had the
support of the doctor. However the hospital staff was not supportive
telling numerous horror stories to my sister and DH(his first child
so already stressed) So i really was in an unsupportive envirnment.
with labor really not progressing, well they wouldn't let me get up
and move around. I really went in to soon. So this ended up being a
second Csec. And i have to say the doc was great during this, i had a
great baby nurse who did understand my frustation. Brough the baby
into recovery, propt me up on each side to nurse. She really did this
all i could barely move. She even mentioned that in was so important
i was impressed.

So here i am in vegas and to say the least i really hate the birth
climate here. So i had resigned myself to the fact that another c-sec
was how this birth was happening. I really would not be able to go
Homebirth though i would love to. I just am so terrified that being
the size that my babies are. I would just be ripped apart, i really
would feel better having a pudundal block available. Oh even with my
7lb 4oz baby where i had no epiosotomy. I had a fourchette tear along
with a labie minora tear (really painful). So that and i really
didn;t get any great feedback from the doctor, no i was just told no.
So here i am with a doc planning another c-sec.

The first element of frustration happened about 3 weeks ago. I went
in for a visit where they sent me down the hall to schedule a c-sec.
There they try and set me up for the following week. What my baby
isn't due for 6 more weeks. Yah they have it together. They didn;t
even have my due date or close to it.So fianlly that was straited
out. And the staff has not really been personable with me. I hate
going to my apts.

So now i go in today i had written out a birth plan. Much of the
things were similar to my second c-sec. And basically the doc tells
me you really can't have much of a plan with a c-sec. And to say it
bluntly he really wasn't interested in my preferences. The thing that
was most bothersome. Was that we couldn't hold the baby he would be
cleaned up then go to the nursury. I said well if i can't hold him,
my husband could hold him. The doctors issue was the sterile field.
So how could my husband holding him contaminate that. He just looks
at me, say the baby usually goes to the nursury you could go with him.

So here is my birth plan, i don't think it is that unreasonable do
you?

We understand that there are times when a cesarean delivery is in the
best interests of the mother and infant. We also understand that
cesarean delivery, as a surgical procedure, is common and even
routine in most maternity centers. However, we would ask that the
staff respect that this individual surgery is a unique and never to
be repeated event in the life of our family. For us, it is neither
common nor routine, but rather an event that will have effects
lasting a lifetime. We have already experienced the cesarean delivery
of our sons and because of that , have certain request and
requirements to be taken into account.

I do not consent to placement of the urinary catheter until after
regional anesthesia is in place unless it has been discussed with me
in advance.
I request that my partner/support person be present during any
preparation procedures ( IV insertaion, placing epidural catheter
and ensuring adequate anesthesia, inserting urinary catheter, vital
checks) It is important to me to have my partner and support person
there to comfort and support ma during this time.
I would like my partner as well as my sister present during and after
the birth in the operating room.
I request that the previous incisions on my abdomen as well as my
uterus be incised during this surgical procedure. And that a new
incision not be made.
I would like the operating staff to know that I would appreciate a
verbal description of the birth as it occurs. And ask that they
refrain from any extraneous conversation.
I do not consent to having my arms/hands strapped down unless I am
physically unable to control them. I am familiar with surgical fields
and understand the necessity of maintaining a sterile surgical field.
I do not consent to my placenta being discarded, I requested that It
be made available for me to take home upon request.
I request that my baby be placed on my chest immediately after birth,
with warm blankets over both of us.
I would like to have skin to skin contact with my baby, be able to
breastfeed while being sutured or as soon as I feel ready.
I do not consent to any baby checks unless it has been discussed in
advance, unless of course if there is an emergent fatal reason.
I request that the sutures made on my uterus be double layer.
I do not consent to my baby being removed and sent to the nursery, I
request than my baby remain with me after surgery, during recovery,
and we be taken to our room together.

So this is not all after the visit with the doc, we go out to
schedule our next apt. Thinking we don't even want to come back. To
find out the hospital which our c-sec is scheduled at will not take
our insurance. We have had some hard times lately, and i am receiving
medcaid for this birth. Another reason i can't see a midwife, we just
couldn't afford it.So now every thing i have resigned myself to so
far has went up in smoke. This was so hard for me , it took weeks for
me to come to terms with being sectioned, and actually having a
planned birthday. It just didn't seam natural, well its not.

So there we are driving home, so very frustrated and just not knowing
what to do next. My husband actually says to me maybe you should just
try for a VBAC. Just go into labor, then go in to the ER. I could not
believe that was coming out of his mouth. But then the chances of
getting my wishes will really be lost. And i know he is not good
support. He is terrified of all of it, and didn't even go in the OR
last time. My sister was present.

So here i am frustrated, uneasy, and completely unsure of what to do.
I am not from the area, and no nothing of different hospital or
doctors and proticals. And if they will even take my insurance.

 

Sounds like you need to find another practitioner.

 

You could try this site: http://www.birthpartners.com/

Just type in your zip code and they find stuff near you. This is why I wanna open up a FREE birthing center when I'm a doc. Health care's a right, not a privilege.

Oh, and no offense, but your partner sounds like he needs to grow some balls.

 

I'm so sorry about your frustrations. I had my last c-section scheduled and it was such a great experience. A lot of your requests are standard at the hospital I gave birth. My doctor did require that I have a catheter first, but had prepared me before hand. My baby never left my sight. All baths and tests were done in the same room with me, first the operating room, then recovery. I was able to hold and nurse my baby right after we went into recovery (I'd say within 15 minutes of her birth). My problem was that I had drops in blood pressure that caused me to get sick so when I'd start nursing her, I'd have to have my hubby take her away because I needed to puke. Once they got that under control, I had her in my arms the whole time even while being wheeled around to get to my room. I was up and walking in a few hours after my c-section, released 2 days after and felt fully recovered by a week. All and all, I thought it was a great experience. I think that the difference was that I was at a hospital that respected patients wishes. They did have one requirement because of the morphine that is in the spinal, I could not be left alone with the baby for 24 hours, so I had my hubby or mom there the entire time (also they only allow one person in the OR here). It is hard when you are depended on state healthcare because you are so limited with options. I would talk to your doctor and the hospital about your concerns, if they won't listen, find someone else. Good luck!

Sometimes things do not go how we want them to, but in the end you will be holding a beautiful baby, that really is what is important. I wanted a VBAC but they are not allowed in our only hospital, and I wasn't comfortable with a home birth. My baby girl also turned out to be breech, so I have a feeling a c/s was inevitable.

 

My reply will be based on if it were ME in this situation:

I'd have my hubby start doing perineal massage (warm compress on perineum, massage down slowly to encourage stretchiness) NOW, just in case.

I'd look into what medicaid does cover, and find new care. I'd resign myself to up to a week of non-stop phone calls and hours of being put on hold waiting to know EXACTLY what my options are.

I'm assuming ultrasounds have been done. Do you know the placement of the placenta? Not previa, I assume? Write a detailed letter of your birthing history, your current pregnancy (even down to the minute details, like ankle swelling), and what you'd LIKE IDEALLY, send it via email to every midwife, OBGYN, and doula you can think of. Interview the ones that respond favorably. If you find a midwife you like, that you truly click with, ask her if fees can be worked into a monthly payment method. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather pay for a good birth that I look back on fondly, pay for it for YEARS, than have a free birth that fills my heart and mother-soul with dread and misery.

Meditate. Even if you are going through with a c-section, your heart seems troubled and you and your baby need a calm headspace. Picture labour progressing, explain to the baby how it works, what s/he will feel, that you're fine no matter what, encourage him/her to come out and meet you and not to be afraid.

Exercise, eat really well, drink lots of water. Despite all that is going on, don't forget the basic health that will be needed to get you and baby to birth healthy.

Stand up for yourself, and coach your partner in how to stand up for your rights/wants. Teach him that saying no is fine. Learn the phrase "I DON'T GIVE MY CONSENT!", teach it to him, be forceful. I've heard of the OBs in Las Vegas. Another mother on another board of mine had, what I would consider, a NIGHTMARE birth because the hospital didn't listen, and she didn't know to assert herself.

Would you be up to thinking about unassisted childbirth? It's not a big thing (another friend on a board birthed a child UC, and had no problems) in NV. Read up on things, prepare yourself for at least laboring at home. As far as I know, with broken waters, avoiding vaginal checks, sex, bathing, and other insertions into the birth canal will keep you safe from infection (the reason you'd be transferred after 24 hours anyway).

PM Brighid to see what she thinks. I trust her momma-instinct and midwifery-wisdom. She'd have some clear insight.

Peace to you and your baby, momma. Be strong. You CAN have what you want in this birth, despite what ANYONE is telling you.

 

Great advice ^^^^^^