Well, my boyfriend Josh and I have been together for almost 9 months and we used to get along really well. We had a lot of fun together and we laughed a lot, there was a lot of life to our relationship. But starting a few months ago... his desire to make things interesting seemed to die. He doesn't try to keep up his physical appearance anymore, he never has ideas for new dates, he seldom wants to go anywhere, and whenever there is a problem, he tries to find a way to blame it entirely on me. When I confront him about a problem I'm having with him, he accuses me of making things up as a reason to fight with him. I find it absolutely ridiculous and I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with him, I feel married to him... but at the same time, I'm getting so tired of everything, I can barely stand it anymore. Thoughts?
why dont you try suggesting new date ideas? do either of you have new stresses? have you tried talking to him about whats stressing him out in his life, instead of picking out the individual things that have fallen aside? if you feel married to him, do you remember that in sickness and in health, for better or for worse bit? maybe hes dealing with somethign tht he needs your help to get through
In your post you said "when I confront him" maybe it is just symantics, but if you "confront" someone it puts them on the defensive. If it is in your mind "I am going to confront him about _____" then you are beginning the conversation with anger. Try to openly discuss your feelings with him. Instead of "why don't you" try saying "when you ____ it makes me ___" which is much more positive. EVERY relationship goes through phases. Maybe he is just tired and worn out. Maybe you are just out of sync sexually. Either way there are two solutions; complain about it and make it worse, or work to fix it. Relationships that last require constant effort. They are seldom 50-50 all the time and sometimes one person has to work harder than the other to maintain balance. Try talking to him. Try spicing up your sex life. Yeah, sometimes it sucks that you have to be the one to do all the work, but if you want a long term relationship to work there are times that you will have to. Good luck.
i am kind of going through that now, we have been together 7 years but living together for 4 and we slowed down on our partying because we were fighting alot. now that we are somewhat sober we NEVER do anything and just last weekend we kind of had a little tiff but i actually think we needed it.we ended up getting what we needed off our chests, had a few cocktails and then i had his cock and he had my tail. seriously though it takes alot to survive the settlement blues. he probably just feels really comfortable with you and doesn't think he has to impress you anymore. he feels settled and doesn't fell the need to wine and dine you anymore.after i wasted my time bitching about never doing anything i started doing things without him, and that's why we were arguing last week because he said"'you never spend time with me"""i laughed my ass off and said are you kidding me????i've been wanting to do something for months and now because i took it upon my self to go out without you , you feel neglected???so, needless to say we have dates for the next three weeks straight....
He is working more lately, but other than that, he has no reason to be particularly stressed. He tells me things are going well at work, he's coming up with great new ideas and his boss is really going for them. He's doing well, and I'm proud of him. But when it comes to just us, I always come up with date ideas. He promises he will be better, and admits he hasn't been the greatest boyfriend, but then things never change. He just makes empty promise after empty promise.
you dont really sound like your trying to communciate with him, just lik eyour demanding that he changes, that he does something ne wand different
I have 2 conclusions I drew from your situation... My 1st is that thinking up new and exiting thing should be a 2 way street-I learned that the hard way. He just might be tired of being the activities coordinator. Also it seems that he might need more space than your giving him. Second, and this isn't easy...it seems he might want to break it off and doesn't know how to do it. If he creates fights like you say, then he might try to use the fight as a way out. (Speaking as someone who used that trick) The only way to really know whats going on inside his head is to ask him...and if he is reluctant to tell you much you can get a lot from body language. ex: If he doesn't make eye contact-he doesn't really want to connect with you. Hope everything works out for you-Good Luck*
my boyfriend told me men are crazy when they don't get it for awhile and go overboard when they can. after enough of this they chill out to normal speed. sorry hunny but most long term relationships run on neutral not to say its not double hot when it's handed out!!
