sometimes i just think 'if i had a gun right now, i'd just off myself"....is that weird? if you die, you don't have to worry about...money, parents, relationships, school, a career. it's so easy. also, i haven't drawn or painted anything in like five/six months....that sucks. when i was w/ my last bf i was like a machine. i pumped out paintings, drew some crazy drawings, now nothing.... my parents made me go to therapy earlier this year and take paxil and shit...i resent them greatly for that. i don't think it was good for me at all, in no way, shape or form. withdrawal from the medicine was terrible, the therapist told my parents things i would say, which is illegal, and my parents just think i'm worthless. i have no motivation to go to school..i'll probably fail like i did last time...i have no motivation to get a good job...im starting to feel like i am worthless..everyone my age is starting their lives, going to college, moving out, being independent....and here i am...at home...getting rides to my menial part time job...not doing shit....i am stuck.
Trust me, killing yourself will solve nothing. It will only hurt the ones you love. And the ones that love you
Honey, don't do anything rash. You wanna know what the point of life is? It's 'not dying'. I don't believe in an afterlife, so I think that this is probably as good as it going to get, but thats fine. In life things can get better, and as far as I know, death is the end. You might as well take what you have now and work with it, I'm sorry but thats the best advice I can give, but it seems to be working for me. You will always have chances to change where you are now, and you shouldn't sell that short. People love you, and you owe it to yourself to work through the hard times. Take care of yourself. You're young, things will get better, I promise.
Oh little one, baby, feel a great big hug. Please, don´t be so sad! Believe in the good things and think stuff that makes you happy, then do that, ok?! Live needs you!!
i've tried killing myself many times.. although I was a little weak to do that I tried and I tried all these weird suicidal attemps: cutting,choking myself with a belt, trying to cut off my circulation, stabbing myself with a stake knife... i mostly do self-mutilatuion if i'm upset but now it's mostly elastic whipping at my wrists until they bleed or come close to it.... suicide isn't the answer... I mean I had my doubts too... I doubted life and myself.. i doubted things would never getb better (still working on that)... and also i thought death was the only way out and i wouldn't have to worry about my problems and worry about anything... but i took into realization that you have to make life better on your own maybe even with the help of others... Life is how you make it.. It has it's ups and down times... You have to learn love yourself before the people around you...
so I still live at home... you don't wanna die..I though that at one time too.. when you die no second chances. gone 4_ever. when you see death makes dreaming about it freaken stupid... things will get better.. may take some time.. I though things would never get better and they did.. I really hope things get better for you.. peaceOut!
hey i love your cat picture. i see you have a sister, you're lucky for that. i'm an only child and i always thought i could have used a sibling to talk me out of some of the crazy shit that i did - so talk to her, she might help. talk to your best friend too. maybe take a vacation if you have nothing going on right now. Go to a music festival - that'll cheer you up. camp for the weekend, meet some hippies, etc. plan up something fun and do it - it'll distract you from your negative thoughts. try some positive reinforcement if it doesnt make you puke. tell yourself in your head "i'm ok, lifes ok, i'll figure it out, look at how nice that flower is over there" communicating with someone and telling them how you feel is really good medicine. and your parents are living their own lives and caught up in their own webs, soon enough you'll see they're just humans dealing with life however they can, imprisoned by their own hang ups, etc. you wont take them so personally. yeah when you feel like that go for a bike ride, talk to a friend, distract yourself with the good things in life. and dont say theres nothing good..
i feel the same way. not a day goes by i want to walk into a police station and do something that'll get me shot. but there is always the possibility that tommorow will be better. i need to get off my ass and get a job. and meet new people. i'm the biggest loner but i don't wanna be. oh well
The trust of your parents is a hard thing to have felt to lose at such a young age... can see where you would feel like you just have no where to turn right about now. Since your b/f provided the impetus to enjoy life and be creative... it it obvious you need someone important in your life, to be your inspiration... to listen, understand and care about you. It would appear you otherwise don't find that in your day to day existence. You honestly aren't asking any more than any other person in the world really... we all need that somehow. I know one cannot simply will that special person to be in your life and make them appear. So for now it is important just surround yourself with friends or write here on the forums to remind yourself that you are special to peeps... even if it's not that special love of a life. Maybe that alone won't inspire you to draw and paint again and find inner content... but it will help make each day a little easier to face until that person finds there way into your life once again. You really need to do that... you owe yourself at least that. If you cover your eyes and hide they will pass right by you. You are probably not as "stuck" as it seems... rather just lack that healthy caring inspiration from day to day. So I'm sure you stare at all four corners of your life and there just seems to be no doorway to be found. And so you sometimes think to just turn out the lights. You were given this life for a reason... it's a gift. A good friend of mine has MS and I'm sure cannot even remember what it's like to get up and walk across the room any more. They struggle through the simplest tasks like making a sandwich in the kitchen. Yet they still enjoy life and laugh more than anyone I know. If you have someone like that in your day to day... it's kinda reminds you of certain things and it's hard to feel sorry for yourself very much. And it makes you think and start to realize all the things you take for granted. Depression is a serious thing, most people feel the weight of the world sometimes but they don't know what it's like to feel the weight of the universe on them. And that's probably how things feel to you. You are not alone as you may think... I'm writing this because I care about you feeling this way. And I don't even really know you. And I will still offer that if you ever need to talk with someone... just hit me up. There is a doorway to be found... maybe just need someone to help you look. Ya know? You are so young with so much life ahead... hard to see it sometimes I'm sure, but you have to realize that your life will not be this way always. You will grow, learn and live beyond the problems of today. Sure there will probably be new ones that surely come, but along with that will be new triumphs, experiences and passions to find. It's all part of this crazy thing called life we live and it's a gift. Please don't ever think about returning yours, there is no refund. You are someone special to those around you whether you always realize it or not. Just remember that. ~Seven
Seven, thank you very much. that helped me alot...and made me realize why i feel so empty...i have no one that makes me feel worthwhile....except for one person...and he's half way round the world... just living in my parents' home is like walking on eggshells 24/7/365....they always have something to yell at me for...even when i havent done anything, theyll just start lecturing out the blue...you're disgusting, you're worthless, your tattoos and peircings are disgusting...you make me wanna puke...i can't even look at you...what are you gonna do with your life...you can't even help yourself..you need to fix whatever's wrong with you, lisa...i hate it! there's nothing wrong with me besides the environment/relationships i have in this home...it's like being in a cage...and i cannot stand it anymore...i can't afford to move out...i don't have a great job...i know i'm just whining and there's people out there in the world with much greater problems than i...but sometimes i just need to vent. and i feel a lil' better for now. thanks..
um.. wrote something that was liek sevens and am trying to delete it but cant so.. empty space. seven's was good advice man i wish someon todl me that too... the guy i liek is some where else in this world.. and i think he's left me for good now... argh i cant go on without him.. ignore me.
I'm glad you took my advice to heart The Little One. I know it's hard to look ahead when you're stuck so bad in the here and now and it truly sucks. But the future does come in time... for come it must. I can relate. Maybe it's why I posted. This past year has been hard for me... sadly I lost both parents, and my kitty kat of 19 years too (he was the best)... then soon found my brother, the slimy piece of shit that he is, got my parents homestead (half of which had been willed to me like forever) signed into his own name on my dad's deathbed... (dad had no idea what he was signing at that point)... which essentially screwed me over to the tune of about $75k... have thus become estranged with my whole family over that because they all seemingly can't find enough fault in what he did not to invite him to holidays and stuff (to keep up family "appearances" I guess)... so I now refuse to associate with any of them... so I moved a short distance to get away from all of it... and lost my girlfriend of almost 10 yrs. from that. All the sudden I've found myself more alone than I ever thought I could be... I've seen just about everything I cared about in the whole world slip away in the past 12 months. But ya know what... I ain't giving up either! That's when you have to reach deep down inside yourself for the strength... when you find that fate has been cruel and you're literally all you have left. So to be honest I don't have very much to look forward to at the moment either except the idea of the future itself. But I too know it won't always be like this. It's been hard but I've been through has been the worst, so it can only get better. It sounds stupid but sometimes you find yourself just happy to be alive. I don't think very many peeps ever have fate deal them such a foul hand that life is reduced to such basics. No pity wanted here... just to offer the inspiration that yes, you can make it past. And that it will get better. Life is a long path and yes sometimes it sticks you fast in the muck. And sometimes there's just no one handing you a rope. You do have the inner strength to pull yourself out... trust me. ~Seven p.s. Wow... sorry to hear that Nisha. Just don't close your eyes and hide either, k?
No worries..man! No frets..see? You are not alone man! Jump on the back of the bus man,and join us all,who want to die.. At least we have each other, our energy does,at least.. when we're all feeling bad ,out energy goes out there.to the all of us wanting to die folks..I wanna die too.. lol.. Jump on back of the soul, sad,death bus! it'll be alright man!..
DUde,I feel the same way.But atleast your parents tried to get help for you.I tried explaining my feelings to mine and they act like nothing is wrong with me.I know I'm old enough to go out and get my own help but at the time I really needed someone to help me get the help that I was crying out for.OH WELL!
