For the past 4 months I've been depressed I guess. I feel like I cannot get out of this tangle of emotions. For the first time I really considered suicide, I mean I've thought about it before, but this was the first time that I really came close. The only reason Im still here is for my family. I completely isolate my self from other people because it feels like such a chore to be around them, but then I feel like it doesnt matter anyways cause I know they dont really care. I just feel so empty, even when I look at things they dont seem like they should they seem bland like the colour has been drained out of them. I've told my mom about how I feel and that I'm willing to see someone. But she been really busy juggling school work and family life, to even give a second thought to what I said. I HATE this feeling, I feel like I'm going insane! Who the hell do I turn to? Who do I call, who do I see? It seems like I ran out of resources.
since you're 16, you should still be in school. in that case, when school starts up again for you, so see your school counselor or psychologist and ask for help, if you can't wait that long, just do everything that takes your mind off of it. because i have health insurence, i can afford the medication i need. my mom, on the otherhand, is also very depressed, but is denied all health insurence because she smokes, is overweight & has multiple other health problems, so it is impossible for her to get health insurence in america. so instead of seeing a doctor, she takes oils and vitamins over the counter that are suppossed to help lighten your mood a bit. or do something that increases pleasure chemicals in your brain. rent a funny movie that won't remind you of anything wrong in your life. some people i know, jog for an hour or two to take their mind off of things. if you haven't lost your sex drive, masturbate. just do everything you can until school starts, or until you can convince your mom that you need help.
suicide is a pretty highly-used word these days. and a strongly destructive thing it can become. but i have a question for you. what do you love? what gives you that incentive to wake up in the morning? find it. whatever it is, find it and hang onto it. let it take you places you've never been before, make you feel feelings you've only felt in dreams. ...and do whatever it takes to MAXIMIZE this feeling. upon contemplating what it is you live for [or wish to live for], it might also help to see somebody, and i'm glad you're willing to do so. and by the way, don't leave your family behind. could you imagine how hurt they would be if you did this to yourself? YOU'RE WORTH MORE! so treat yourself the same good luck, I believe in you!!
I just have to say your mother is making a big mistake not taking you for help... especially since it's so hard for someone who's depressed to even ASK for help in the first place.... Is there anyone else you can turn to? Is there a psychologist in your school? You can look in the phone book for mental health outpatient clinics. Give em a call and make an appt. What will happen is you'll go in for an intake and they ask you some questions about what's going on and then you'll be set up with a therapist and maybe a psychiatrist (that's how it works in the states anyway). It'd be like going to a regular doctor's appt.
Being a teenager isn't a form of mental illness. Its a turbulent time. It always has been. Hang on. Ride it out. Life doesn't get any easier, but your understanding of how to surf it will improve with time. Don't worry about the wipeouts. Everybody gets a little water up their nose once and a while. Even old coots like me. x
Thank you That ment a lot to me. I have to say that when I wrote this thread, that I was really down not so much now, but when I was in that moment I felt hopeless. And I never want to end up there EVER again it was scary, I remember how it felt. Im doing as you said doing things I LOVE being with people I LOVE. And it helps, but even then sometimes I feel like Im retreating back, and when that comes I do anything to keep my mind off things. But I really appericate all of your response, thank you. I haven't seen anybody yet.
