How do you punish your children?

My little guy is suddenly really demonstrating why they call it the terrible twos. I am against hitting/spanking. I want to know what other moms out there do to punish that works good for kids that young, you cant take tv away, Weve been making him sit in a chair for a good 5 minutes. but hes getting very very ornery,he used to be so good!

 

I'm more or less in the same situation, sitting my son on the couch for 5 mins used to work up untill a couple of months ago, now i put him in his bedroom for 5 mins but he only behaves for a couple of hours after bringing him down, so i'm still trying to think of good ideas on what to do.

sorry i wasn't much help,
good luck

 

Personally I think the three's are worse than the two's, but I am sure each child is different. By four they seem to settle down a bit. Anyway, I am sorry to say but sometimes you just need to spank your child. Certainly not all the time and definitely not when you are mad, but a good swat on the bum really can do a lot of good. I hate to do it. It hurts me than it hurts them but sometimes it is the only thing that will work.

 

I don't punish.

At 2 and 3, and even 4, they don't need to be punished, they need re-direction.
Their thoughts and awareness move much faster than their verbal skills, and part of the terrible two's angst is that they cannot verbalize what they are feeling/needing/wanting and they get very, very frustrated. The reason why they settle down when they turn 3 or 4 is because they now are able to communicate more effectively. Two year olds have not made the distinction between what they need and what they want, and have little concept of time. "I need" and "I want" are one and the same to them, and they don't understand "Wait five minutes" or "I'll be done soon and can help you then". Two year olds truly live in the moment.
They are also just realizing that they are not the center of the universe and that life goes on with or without them, and that's a very scary concept they struggle to grasp.
When he has a classic terrible two's fit, try to hug and soothe him, whisper in his ear softly so he'll have to quiet down to hear what you're saying, and if that doesn't work, just wait patiently for it to be over.

Time your outings with him so he's rested and not hungry. Two year olds often tantrum when they are hungry and tired. Little guys need to snack on a little something every two hours or so, so bring lots of healthy things for him to eat when you have to go out for extended periods, and offer him snacks often at home.

And let this be your new mantra....

"This Two Shall Pass"

 

I'm not a big fan of spanking, but I think it is one of those things that works for some kids where it won't work for others. In the case of my son, who is almost three, he is a really bright kid and he KNOWS and has known for a very long time when he is getting out of line. I can tell when he deliberately is pushing the limits for the sake of getting a reaction, and when he just needs an alternative offered because he is tired or hungry ect. When he does something particularly montrous that we both know is unacceptable, he gets a spanking.

I'm a terrible softy, and have a really hard time doing it. I was totally against spanking from the beginning, but as he grew and I tried different strategies, a good swat on the fanny seemed to be all that got through to him. I was spanked as a kid when I had hideous behavior, and I am personally thankful for it. It never *really* bothered me, and it helped me to understand where exactly my parents drew the line. I knew my parents loved me, but if what I did was bad enough to make them spank me, I knew I ought to quit doing it. My parents had seven kids, and always got comments on how well behaved we were.

My son, with very minimal spanking, is exceptionally well behaved for a kid his age and tends to listen when I tell him things. I'm not advocating that you spank your child if you think it's the wrong thing to do in his case, but in my opinion it could mean the difference between a manipulative little monster and a kid that respects his elders. You just have to weigh the pros and cons and see if it's right for your family.

 

here's a great site:

http://www.empathic-discipline.com/index_list.htm

 

i'm not quite sure how the hell it happened, but my youngest child is just plain vicious. it shocks the hell out of me. i don't know what to do when she brings out the claws. kai was a lot easier to raise. she's just really mellow and inclined to be nice. joey, however, will grab hold of a chunk of your flesh and try to rip it off. she enjoys hearing kai screaming. mind you, she's also incredibly affectionate, but her JEALOUSY. jeez. i don't know what to do.

 

You should check this forum out: Gentle Discipline

There are tons of alternatives to spanking there.

 

I think punishment is something that should happen to an adult that has commited a serious crime.

Children are guided, given examples, reared, re-directed, explained to, and respectfully dealt with.

Maybe he's over-stimulated? Needs a nap? Needs a cuddle? Needs something to eat? Bored? Just can't join the conversation and is very upset about it?

Try creating a calm emvironment, watch for signs of sleepiness, gives lots of hugs, get down on his level, look him in the eye and explain that you're feeling disrespected and direct him in a better way to deal with his emotions, get him a healthy snack, find a new activity to keep him entertained, maybe teach him signs so he can express himself more before his oral language catches up with his mind.

 

I can tell if hes acting up cus hes tired or hungry or wants something, he makes that very obvious, I was spanked as a child and I really dont want to spank mine unless he does something REALLY bad. Since he doesnt stay in the chair, If hes acting up i warn him he will go nigh nigh. and he will ease up, if not, i put him in his crib. BUT, today he has figured out how to get out of the crib and open the door. That sucks!

I like to paint rocks and put pictures of things on them like i have one with the grateful dead bears on it, and he will take my rocks and throw them at me, I tell him to stop, and he laughs and throws another one! He doesnt take me seriously when I tell him no.

Should I give him one good punishment so that he KNOWS i mean buisness? That way I can just let him know he better stop or you know what....? like one swat?

 

As was said,re-direction is the best way,IMO.Believe it or not,do something really stupid and/or off the wall and you'll immediately get their undivided attention.Example=One time I was driving and my three kids(2boys,one girl,9,7 and four)were hollering, punching and raising hell in the back seat,just driving me nuts.Instead of pulling over or threatening ,I stuck cigs in each nostril,one in each ear and 8 or 9 in my mouth ,turned around and screamed"aren't you kids ever gonna' grow up?"Immediate silence and then they cracked up and quit fooling around and in that light mood I had 'em and was able to devise a game for all of us to play.The cigs aren't important,what I said wasn't important---the idea is,that they will kind of wonder just what will this "parent-type" do?--he's fun.And/or crazy.I spanked #1 son once when he ran in front of a car and damn near got killed.#2 once when he was warned not to go under a mobile home because there had been snakes under there from time to time.Sure enough,ten minutes after pulling him out and smackin' his butt,I had to kill a 5 foot rattler that was under there.I believe those spankins'were necessary, proved to be so and were the last one's I ever had to "administer".---------And it's true(unfortunately!),the three's are much worse than the two's.As far as violence mama k---I'm stumped on that one.So I'm HUGE on re-direction--get stupid with yer youngins'!

 

The only time Skye ever gets in trouble is when he throws attitude for not getting what he want right a way. When he starts making that god awful noise he makes and throwing his temper tantrum I make him sit down away from everyone until he is done. He knows very well that as soon as he is done throwing his fit he is welcome to join us and everything is forgivin and forgotten. I don't really punish him, I am trying to teach him that if he needs a minute to relieve anger or stress that he should take that minute and calm down. I always explain to him that if he wants something he just needs to ask, instead of throwing a tantrum. It seems to be working for me so far, we will see what happens when he gets older. He doesn't hardly ever get in trouble anyway. The only thing I ever have that I am not willing to share with him is my coffee, I just tell him it's a papa drink and he will just let it be. With everything else I figure that there's a reason why I don't want my children to have it, and it is usually related to health or mental well being, so I just don't use it myself. Saves the trouble of saying no. It goes the same with child profing my house. If I don't want him to have it, I will put it in a place that he can't see or reach either one. Out of sight out of mind. My cabinets are usually empty or filled with "Skye freindly" things. I have tyaught my son to share very well though, anything I have (excpet coffee) he is welcome too, and on the flip side he will force feed you his stuff if he has to in order to share with you!

 

Why punish???? Most of the time when my children act rough, I find why and help them. Children don't ever have to be punished. Have you read any books on raising good behaving kids without ever punishing? Not even time out. It hurts them and make them behave worse. My wife and I have read lots of books and learned a lot this way. Unconditional Parenting is a good one to learn why punishment never ever works for anything. Raising Our Children, Raising Oursevles is the best book for parents I have ever read. It shows how to have toddlers, children and even teens who behave well without ever being punished or scolded.

You have been spanked and it is great that you won't do it to your child, but you are still stuck in what happened to you. You still think that instead of controlling by spanking you are supposed to control some other way. Learn to let go of the whole idea of control and your child will not have terrible twos at all. I have four children. I learned from these books and others. I have had no terrible twos or anything else. Use love. Learn how from good books and classes. ParentingTips.com has some great articles and a set of CDs about toddlers. Study. Parenting is a tough job that requires real skill, not old fashion and hurtful methods. Good luck. And congratulation for taking the steps away from the way you were raise.

 

Yea I never punish my son, I redirect his
energy when he gets too wild.
He can be too much sometimes, especially
when Im super tired, but the things he
does that people may perceive as being bad
are normally just mistakes.
When he is running around going crazy, I run
around and go crazy.
It's true, why punish them?

The only problem I ever had with my son
was when he started biting me.
I dont know how it happened, but eventually
he stopped.
I used to slap his hand when he would do it,
maybe that worked? Who knows

 

My pops used to pop me in the back of the head when i acted up ... thats probly what ill do to ....
Or what my mom does, stops cooking .....

 

If he wants something to throw then take away the thing he cannot throw and give him somethin to throw in a place he can throw it...like a ball at a wall or a fence. The idea of redirecting a child is good. Because then they know a place where they CAN do things. Say I cannot let you be distructive and say if you need to throw something then you can throw (insert object here) over ( insert plac ehere) then place the child in that spot. Sometimes they just need to get out energy.

 

Thanks for all the advice, Ive tooken everyones input into consideration, and I will try re-direction. hope it works!