My girlfriend and I of 5 years broke up after a few months of a rocky patch in our relationship. I was abscent mentally and was in a personal funk. Anyway, we're back together and while patching tings up between us, i asked her if she had hooked up with a guy while we were apart. she got al defensive and wouldn't tell me. I came to terms with things and decided that I really didn't want to know. Much to my dismay, while planting love notes amongst her things (something we always do) i grabbed her planner to plant one. Well, it wasn't her planner, it was her journal, and i happened to open it right to the page that said "well, i hooked up with so-and-so last night. he kissed me gentally ..." and i slammed the book closed and threw it back in her bag. Who knew I would find out like that. Any way, I haven't told her about my findings. I've been trying to get along and over it by myself but find myself thinking about it a lot. She tells me she loves me and that she wants to put the passed behind us and move on, but I still can't see through the fact that she hooked up with him. I asked her off the cuff, in the middle of a conversation what she thought of at the term "to hook up" and she said she regarded it as making out with someone, so i'm still clinging to the fact and maybe she didn't sleep with him. (it would be out of her character if she did) So, tips on moving on? Do I ask her about it? a smart person once told me "don't ask the questions you don't want answered" So do I just try and get over it? Got any recommendations. We are currently long distance so trust is crucial between us.
I've been in a very similar experience. It happened when you were broken up, so it really doesn't matter and shouldn't be an issue. It can be difficult sometimes, but the key to move on is just to not entertain the thoughts and to focus on other things. Go with the very likely possibility that she only made out with him (from her definition of 'hooking up') and don't press it further when you really don't want to know. When you feel your mind wanting to think about it again, take control of the situation and do or think of something else completely. Don't allow your energies to be consumed by the past, but rather focus on improving the future, and don't allow it to be something hanging over what could be a great new beginning for the two of you. Good luck! You can move past it.
There is some proverb that warns about reading/eavesdropping into areas that give you information that you are better off not knowing--not a bible nut by anymeans but that came to mind. Personally I wouldn't worry about it. Focus on the now. From what you said she said nothing to compromise your trust with her, so continue to trust her. If you have an agreement of exclusivity, then you have nothing to worry about, or be jealous about. You do have a right to know her sexual history if you are in such a relationship, but be sure to discuss with the precept that you trust her and harbor no jealousness.
I was it the same situation, and i wish i didn't ask about the detals.I couldn't get over it for months, and it still bothers me. It really makes my relationship and my feelings unstabile.
