Hey... So here I am, once again asking for help. To put it bluntly, my girlfriend is never horny. I don't understand why... I'm not being egotistical, but I do consider myself a very romantic person. She lives 2 hours away from me, and I'll do things like suprise her, and bring her flowers, take her outside to lay and watch the stars, all sorts of things. But, when we get to the bedroom at night, its like she's completely disinterested in me... I don't want to be pushy about anything, but I'll try to initiate things by kissing her, but she'll barely kiss me back before she just falls asleep. Every single night is the same routine. We haven't been physical in 5 weeks now. And when we were physical, she would only do things with me one night that I was there (we see each other weekends), never more then that. I try to bring it up with her, and she gets really mad at me saying that she "Can't help it" that she's just tired, or doesn't feel good. But this is every single time we're together. No, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, and its not all I care about, but right now, with the complete lack of physicality, I just feel like we're glorified friends... Can someone help me? This is really becoming an issue with me...
Is she on birth control? I was like that when I was on birth control and, really, I couldn't help it at all. I was really never horney. Now that I'm off it...I haven't had any problems in that area. Is she very very busy? It's a possibility that she just is tired, if that's the case...cuz I've been there too. My advice to you is, either talk to her about it, work through it with her, and try to help her as much as you can... Or not, be angry, be frustrated, and make the situation worse until the inevitable happens...the more you bring it up, the bigger the issue becomes and chances are, she really won't want to do anything with you. I've been in your girlfriend's place, and the bigger deal you make of it, the less she will want to have sex with you.
Actually yea, she's on a heavy dose of birth control, due to problems that she has that causes her a lot of pain if she isn't on it. So she has to take it, and she's on a pretty strong dose I believe. So could that be the reason?
I went through a phase like that... my best advice to you is to lay off completely. Don't try too hard, don't be overly-affectionate. She'll be more likely to come to you that way.
Okay, for some reaosn everyone seems to think I'm pushing her for sex... I'M NOT. When I say I've brought it up, it means I aksed her if something was wrong between us, because I feel like she isn't wanting to be physical with me, so I want to make sure everything is ok. I'm not sitting there getting pissed because I'm not getting any, and I'm not putting any pressure on her, I'm not a jackass. But yea, the fact that we've gone 5 weeks without even making out when we're in a serious relationship bothers me.
The birth control is most likely the culprit. I would have her talk to her OB/GYN or general practitioner and see what they can do for her. Like I said, I was in the exact situation...and a month after I was off birth control my sexual desire was back to normal. If you don't mind me asking, what problems was she having when she was not on birth control? PM me if you don't want to post it. Doctors will often give women birth control when there is a hormonal imbalance, when all she really needs to do is change her diet and take a few different vitamins...
If there really is no physical way for her to get off birth control, try some herbs like a combination of ginseng and gingko, ashwagandha, or tongkat ali. These are used a lot in alternative medicine to increase sex drive, especially in women.
stress is also a huge libido killer for most women. did she used to often get horny, or has she always been relatively nonphysical? some peopel also simply have lower sex drives... which sucks for those of us with higher ones
Butters, I've been dealing with the same issues. Everytime I pressed the issue, she devised another reason for her lack of interest. It could be depression, since that does significantly lower one's sex drive. Months would go by without any sexual contact . . . yes it is a protracted relationship. . . Things are better, but I've gotten to the point where I don't think sex is a possibility so I don't even try unless I'm extraordinarily horny. The rejection is hurtful but I also hold to the principle that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. But the absence of it does make one wonder what is wrong. I think you need to be honest without making her feel like she's doing something wrong. Tell her the role sexuality plays in your feelings for her, the closeness you feel while making love. Tell her you don't want what you have to diminish and that you need to share that intimacy with her. It doesn't sound like you're pressuring her, though I'm sure she feels that you are at times. But that's the issue, isnt it... You can wait it out hoping for the best as I've been doing . . . or just tell her what you need in a relationship and ask her if she desires the same. Come right out and ask her if she needs some space. Love blinds a person and you can go a long time hoping a situation will resolve itself. Be honest with yourself as to what you need in your life. Let her know you want her to be the person you can share everything with but that you need to feel the same way.
