Typo correction: title should be Monstrous (Strikingly Wrong). As always, all comments/thoughts are welcome. When I was young, As far as I remember, You've called me names, Put me down, Discouraged me, Rubbed my private part, said the "psych said so", Embarassed me, Depressed me, Making me believe in your love... You told me you love me, Actually both of you did. You knew what the other was doing. I have these sexual memories I'm not sure happened I know I've confronted you, But I can't remember each time, The memory fades each time I ask. It's like I try to hide. You've forced me to do things, threatened "Lunging" at me, building fear in me, Trying to act like a God. You'll "sell me" if I disobey, "Injure" me, "punch" me. You'd sit me down, Tell me "something's wrong with you", Tell me your "here for me", Ask me to tell you "what's wrong". So I did, You'd call me a "liar", "playing the victim", "We wouldn't do that", "That's not how you feel." So I began to lie to you, Then you'd come back and say, "We hate liars." Then you'd take me to see someone for help You'd sit in telling how I feel Controlling, manipulating, For power over me Yes, I remember now that I'm away, Away from you... That psychiatrist would ask you to leave He'd talk to me, I told him everything you'd tell me to tell Not telling the parts you threatened me not to I was young in fear, could have been 7 or 9 He told me I was to young to diagnose. He refused the medications you asked for. So you kept trying for years until you found one, Somewhere in between my darkness, I remember one telling me to "hang in there". The older I got I began to believe you, Something was wrong with me I began to act out these "highs" and "lows" In front of you, Because you wouldn't leave me alone... I couldn't laugh, I couldn't cry, Everything I did was wrong to you. You'd call me a recluse, Should I not have been? You made me feel unloved, guilty, Depressed, suicidal, made me weak, I didn't know what strong was, Was never shown or taught. By me teens that's all I knew A darkness within headed for the rebellious age I listened to music to how I felt inside Vulgar, hateful, negative, death, shrill I began to act it all out, Running away, fire starting, Drugging to feel good, a fight. Nothing was good that was taught to me. You told me not to get into law trouble, But weren't your actions teaching differently? You've made my mind retreat, hide. Drugs pushed it further into adulthood, Mentally I was still a child. Now psychiatrists believe you, I'm "mentally ill", the state believes, All because I gave in, in weakness. Fear, controlled, Depression, Anger, You taught me to be this way... But now I remember, The darkness is leaving, The further I am from you. The weakness is fading from mental power. Do you like what you've created? A child with law trouble? Do you still love that? I know that the law doesn't, They still believe influence isn't guilty. "Accept responsibility" they say, "You're an adult now." Fine, I'll accept responsibility, Of how I was taught to be. Then I'll tell the world, How I was raised, what happened, How I was manipulated, And no one doing anything about it. Your public image was too important. You are the real criminal. Mentally abusing, crippling. You should be the one held responsible, For creating this used to be monster. What you did was strikingly wrong, But I am the condemned. Where is the justice in that? c. 2007
This is really powerful and I can totally relate to this. Parents do more damage, in a lot of cases, than help. I love this poem, it sounds like you just put your soul on paper... xoxoxoxo
not all parents .... some of us behave better ... we're all dumb but not all of us abuse our kids... you've put this horror story on paper which is the first step on your way to being healed .... speak to someone son ... you're no longer a child so i hope that you're not being abused now.. . the work is good and you have a great gift ... the ability to say exactly what you're feeling with no bullshit ... peace bro.
^^ just for the record, i didnt mean ALL parents suck, just a lot of them. you seem cool, though, i assume you're a parent...
thank you to that, and to the rest of what you replied, you're right about not all parents abusing but the one's who do create monsters and they should be held responsible.
