... I don't know what to think.

I... Virtually live on my computer. For a variety of reasons. Simply, all the reason could be allocated because I live in the middle of nowhere and my nearest kid even remotely close to my age is the... Like, ten year old twelve miles away.

And I met someone... That I really liked. A lot. Online. We chatted. We played coy with eachother. For now his name shall be... Todd. Yes. Todd is appropriate.

We'd been talking, in a friendly way, for the past... 5 monthes. We've great synergy. I make him laugh. He makes me laugh. But he just gotten through a relationship with an online guy who fibbed about his gender. Todd was distraught. I bided my time for a while til I was sure he was settled down and happy again and I asked Todd...

He said he... It was a quasi-relationship with a guy who we shall call... Richard. Richard had taken him out to movies, something I could never do because he's several states away from me, and I virtually graduated from Highschool a month and a half ago.

Eventually, we got on a paint client. One of those programs where you both draw at the same time and both can see it. One of those. Eventually I got up the nerve to draw in my miserable handwriting, 'do u lyk me'. Because proper grammar tends to mean I'm serious and I didn't want to put pressure on him. He's a very timid, shy kid, Todd is. He drew this adorable little faceo fh im blushing and said 'mebbe'. I was ecstatic.

Three days later I asked 'r we e-bfs' and he made the sweet little face again, blush included. It was an embarrassing subject and he once again said mebbe. This might not have been... Too 'OMG JOY' moment for me, but the thing is, we began speaking to eachother like we never had when we were 'just friends' I.E. kinks, favorite things to do in bed(Ala virgin but damn I can dream). IT lasted for a week and.. I was so happy. I didn't frown, but rather, smiled so much.

Then one day he told me if I remember Richard. I said 'Yes'. And after a pause and he said 'Well we did some things'. I was upset.

Normally my emotions don't show. I bottle them up into... Tumors and things which will shorten my life by years.

But as I thought about it, I became more distraught. More and more. We spoke, we talked of meeting eachother and doing -things-. Cuddling for hours. I was so happy.

And I didn't care what happened to Richard. Richadr was unimportant then.

But then he said that they did something...

But he was so upset that he knew he hurt me. whenever he talks he's been considerably more upset then before. He's drinken a little bit to... Forget.

He said he was so sad that I was hurt. He said he really really cares.

But I don't know how he can say that stuff and then say he just cares. I mean, we talked in such... Ellicit ways...

And if that's not it, I just came out several monthes ago. Not to anyone, but to my good online friends. Again, remember, middle of nowhere. No friends anywhere near me and I can't drive. Hence computer = life.

So the only person to comfort me is... My cat, or another online friend who's, a great deal of the time, drunk and depressed. But he's served as the middle man for us. No one else on my friends thing knows about the relationshio and I'd rathern ot tarnish Todd's reputation because...

I have no idea what's going on and I've been really upset. This may seem like a jumble of thoughts but that is how I feel jumbled. Random. Just... someone tell me what I should do, because I still terribly love Todd, and he knows it. And it only upsets him more than I get upset because he's sad... And I'm so confused.

Btu if he's happy with Richard then I am so happy for him...

 

if he is several states away, don't be upset with him. have you talked to him on the phone or online? have you heard his voice? do you even know what he looks like? you can't even be sure he is the person he really says he is.

i don't know how everyone else feels about your situation, but i believe the hard truth may just be that you can't expect a man from several states to wait on you and be celebate until you two meet up. expecting that is virtually unrealistic, IMO.

just be gald he cares enough about you to be upset that you're hurt by his actions, but you can't possibly expect him to hold in his desires to wait weeks/months/years or whenever you planned on meeting up with him.

 

I've spoken to him on the phone. Seen his picture. I know who he is. Have no doubt.

And your words might hold some credence if he wasn't a virgin when Richard and Todd bumped.

 

you need to stop living behind your computer.

go out and meet people.. it will be way more fulfilling.

 

He can't meet anybody because he lives in the middle of nowhere.

 

First of all I don't have my driver's license. Second of all I live in Northern MI in a city of 900. Third of all, it's Northern MI. It's not exactly gay friendly. Fourth, it's Michigan. The job market's slim as it is, hence no revenue for me(And thus no car for me.). Fifth, even if there was a club, or a place to meet people, having my mother cart me around isn't exactly 'keen'.

I would adore leaving the house, but it isn't so simple.

 

It says you're 18, no?

1. Get a drivers license.
2. Make some money.
3. Look into college/jobs.
4. Move.
5. Make some friends.

It's not easy to do but it sounds like you need a change.

 

1 I plan on it.
2 You really don't know how poor Michigan's job market is right now.
3 I'm going to College in Fall.
4 This is codependent on number 2.
5 This is codependent on getting a Driver's License. I don't want my om to cart me around...

REGARDLESS. The rigmarole has settled down after a 3 hour phone chat. We are not good friends again.