Heres the situation. Ill be 18 in a few short months. My parents and all of my relatives are strict christians, who think everything I believe in is wrong. Ive been lying to my mother and father about my life because I want to please them. But they would be dissapointed in me and angry with me if i told them the things I do, which I dont think are in the least bit bad, but they think are complete "sins." Living here with them is driving me crazy and I have an opportunity to move out with my boyfriend and his friend next year. They would hate that. They would hate my boyfriend and me for not waiting til marriage to move out, but thats not what I want to do. I think Im mature enough to live on my own and make my own decisions, and I think I would be much happier that way; but I dont want to upset my family. So basically, either my family is happy with me, or Im happy with my life. What should I do? I cant stand that my parents wont let me choose my own religion, my own life. I dont believe in the same things they do. and i know they wont accept that. Ive been controlled for 17 years, I feel so trapped and I dont want it to go on any longer than it has to.
compromise: find a female roomie and move out. I know lots of people do move in with Sig Os at 18, but it can be really rough on a relationship to suddenly be 24/7. Better to get used to living on your own (or with non partner roommates) and see who you are as an adult. It isn't like you'll have curfew, and you can spend the night with the bf. I found that the stress of living together before both partners had adult identities led to faster break ups. The exceptions were LOTS of roomies of mixed genders in a house. That seemed to temper the pressure cooker effect of the first time live-togethers.
Thanks for the advice you guys. Drumminmama, I think you may be right. That just didnt really cross my mind. I think I need to make a new girlfriend!
youll never grow up in their eyes if you dont movme out i dont think that a person should mov ein with their bf when they first move out, personally. yes it works for some but for many its just being dependent on another person. being roommates is quite different, its being independent and responsible for your own actions. living with your partner -can- be like that but it takes more work (heh, im moving in with my bf in 2 weeks but ive lived on my own before) your parents may still not be happy about you moving out, but theyll either accept it and move on or they, well, wont in which case youre gonna be truly independent n'est pas?
I say you should move out, provided the situation you'd be moving into can be proven as a good deal with finances and what not. Also, how has your boyfriend/lover been with their parents until now?
my boyfriends parents or mine? well his: hes getting along with his dad, but not his mom. shes turned into a total bitch since his dad moved out. and hes not dealing with it well, always arguing and yelling my parents: absolutely love him. but everything ive said about him is a lie. even though he is a truly wonderful guy.
if i move out it will be into a 2 room apartment with my boyfriend and a good friend of ours. thatd be like 175 a month for all 3 of us. My boyfriend makes decent money and with all 3 of us working full time i think wed be living just fine. Hes starting to think its a good idea too. Now we just have to agree on it and ill have made my decision. tellign my parents is not going to be easy though. theyll be piiissed.
big fat red flags. get a non-partner roomie while he deals with his parents' split. It WILL affect your relationship and you need space to be not in it 24/7
This is probably a stupid question... but do you think it would be bad to live with a male friend instead of a female? Lance (my boyfriend) and I have discussed it before and he said he would have no problem with it. But do you think it would cause him to be jealous since im spending more time with another guy? I know he trusts me and the guy. and i trust myself and him that nothing would happen between us.
I understand what your saying now. While his parents split it would be bad for me to be around him too much. it already can be sometimes. Thats a really good point.
also lying to your parentsa bout evrything about himj then wanting to move in with him, ummm... yeah theyll be pissed when they findo ut its all a lie and such
Move out but not with your boy friend. Share an apartment with another girl. You will establish your independence. You will prove that you are mature enough to live on your own. You will not jump from daddy to boyfriend, instead you would give yourself a chance to experince yourself when you are a free adult. It would not be good for you or your boyfriend to live together now. That is something you do when you are , like, engaged to be married. And you know that marriages before the age of 25 have over an 80 percent divorce rate. This is not a religious thing. This is just the way things are. Get a job. Find a girl who wants a room mate. Be FREE, Independent and honor your parents, as they will still love you long after you have traded boyfriends. BTW it was their job to raise you as they believe they were supposed to. It is now time for you to learn independence. Freedom is a blast. Think long term here. Find some woman over 25 who has judgement you trust. Most humans are not really good at long term planning until about the age of 25. Find more than one woman to be an advisor to you. You will be able to learn from their mistakes instead of making the same mistakes yourself. I had several female housemates when I was in college. It was OK but all of us were in our 20's and very experienced and did not get sexually involved with each other. It was a business arrangement by poor college students. It was lawful to do that in the state where I was. You need to find out what the laws actually are in your state.
