Been writing for a couple of months now. When i was going through some stuff i found this to be a good outlet. All my posts are on www.poemhunter.com Got some great feed back there so thought id shar some here 2 and see wot i get Peace ______________________________________________________________ Can I Love Again? Can i do it again Get that warm fuzzy feeling inside How do i start, where do i begin? It used to come with ease Just happened naturally Now my heart just seems to freeze How do i thaw and repair My frozen and broken heart This just isn't fair Given my heart to the wrong people They walked away with apart of my soul How do i give it now to the right people? I want that warm fuzzy feeling 2 begin To enjoy getting lost in ecstasy But can i ever love again? ______________________________________________________ Honest feedback peeps
Umm...honestly I'm not impressed. But I don't want to vote "find a new outlet" in the poll because I don't like this last option. I DON'T think you should find a new outlet. I think you should WRITE MORE in order to improve. Obviously you wrote this from the heart, and i'm not criticizing that. I just don't like the way the feeling was expressed in your poem. I think that you can do better than "warm fuzzy feeling" and "frozen and broken heart" to describe the experience of longing to love again and at the same time fearing the pain of betrayal. Peace
Ya I get what misikero is saying there above, but, I don't really agree with it about your poem. The simple langauge in your poem, gets across the meaning excellently. It is one of the most raw emotions that we have in love and I know what it feels like to lose love. The poem has universal qualities to it and because you have left it open with your langauge choice, it is acessible to all and not extremely personal. I liked it, but, for my own taste I like poetry that you have to delve somewhat deeper into to find the meaning sometimes. Good work though, I have only one thing posted here so far, just kinda stumbled upon this website one day! Peace, Love and Happines anyway to you, never stop writing what makes you feel content inside!
It is very good, but you begin asking a question, and end with a defeatest statement that says "NO" to your original question. Also, you should use spell check. And maybe capitaile your i's (I's) "They walked away with apart of my soul" should be "...a part of...." "I want that warm fuzzy feeling 2 begin" you should spell out "to" Hope I am not being too critical.
